- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2010
I apologize in advance, this one could be a bit lengthy.
5 years ago, I moved across the country to be with FH. We have been working and supporting ourselves the whole time. He went to school to be a graphic designer but it doesn’t pay so he abandoned his field and is currently working a good paying but rather dead-end labor job. I quit school to come here and work, and I have had a salaried office job w/ benefits since I was 20 years old. We bring in over $60k together which isn’t horrible but we could be doing better. We live in a fairly nice place which FH’s parents bought for him when he started school 10 years ago but it’s in a not so nice neighborhood.
Last September we had our first child…and have been on our own completely with no friends or family around to help.
So now our families, especially FH’s parents, are pushing for us to come home. They want us to live with them for 2 years while we redo community college, doing odd jobs for her business for a little spending money and living under their roof, eating their food, using their money for school, and having them watch our child while we go to school/work.
Sounds like the opportunity of a lifetime, right? The problem is…to be honest…FH’s mother is insanely controlling. When she comes to visit, she controls what we put in our mouth, and is constantly up on her pedestal about how we need to exercise more, how we don’t get our child out enough, or how we’re eating the wrong foods. She has completely taken over the wedding planning. She is always in our financial business, and trying to make our family decisions for us. Even though we’re doing okay for ourselves she and her husband are very snobby about the college thing even though their other son is getting a degree that will earn him less than we make now. They think education is all important above all else even if you’re not going to come out ahead because of it.
She already has a room set up for the baby there and said the baby would have “two mommies” if we came there. That alone scares me. I do not want my child to have two mothers, I am her mother. I want to be the head of my household, not a child living under her husband’s parents rules and expectations. I do not want her telling me what my child can and cannot eat, do, or wear. I do not want her having influence over my husband’s decisions, because he listens to her more than me.
She called me last night and accused me of being selfish and caring more about my self than my child’s future. It’s become clear that FH, his parents, my parents, EVERYONE but me wants this. And the only reason I don’t want to do it is because I don’t want her running our lives. Am I being a control freak? Are my fears justified? Please help!