Difficult family situation, need advice

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly, I wouldn’t invite them. While you may regret not inviting them down the lane (though I highly doubt they’ll ever change), you would regret it a million times more if they ruin your wedding by creating drama. You run the risk of your mom lecturing you on tattoos while getting ready. The risk of them insulting your friends. The risk of them sulking during dances which could impact your mood. It sounds like a recipe for disaster to have them present unfortunately. 

Any way your younger siblings can secretly attend without parents? How old are they and is the wedding gonna take place nearby or would it be a plane flight away for them? 

Post # 3
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think the situation will change, one way or the other, over the next year or more that you have to make this decision and you are not helping yourself by dwelling on it now. Why wait to announce your engagement? Everyone can use a little joy right now. 

Post # 5
Member
8007 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
mrsg20 :  Would your parents and siblings travel to Hawaii? Even if you invite them to something local what is the likelihood they would attend, given their disapproval? 

Post # 6
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
mrsg20 :  aw man that’s a tough situation then:/ I was thinking if they’re local they could maybe come up with an excuse to drop by your wedding for an hour or so.

So yeah at this point it’s either a drama-free wedding without your siblings or a potentially drama filled wedding with your siblings. A lose-lose situation potentially… if you decide not to invite parents, maybe FaceTime/stream your wedding for your siblings? They can go to a library to “study” and watch the wedding that way and maybe when y’all get together, you guys can all dress up in your wedding clothes again and take some pics with them?

Post # 8
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I would not be inviting them or wanting to be in contact with them at all tbh. It sucks that your siblings might miss out, but I’d rather that then deal with these people on your big day. If you’re stressed now, imagine how stressful that would be

Post # 9
Member
10825 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
mrsg20 :  

God OP, how did you end up so sane and balanced and tolerant with such a frightful family! Well done you is all l can say. I would elope, in the traditional sense , if l were you , maybe to Hawaii when that becomes possible. Then have some sort of wedding celebration locally. Let their response to your elopement be the guide as to whether you invite them to that….

Post # 10
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Would you be open to having two ceremonies?  One to appease your parents and then one that is more like what you and your fiance want?  I understand that it may not be financially do-able but I thought I might throw the idea out there

Post # 11
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
eponee :  What? One where she completely covers up who she is and who her Fiance is to appease her mysognistic, homophobic, racist parents? …. Right. 

Post # 12
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Actually, disregard my previous ridiculous post.  I have no idea what I was thinking when I suggested that.

Thank you milaknot for pulling me into line.

Post # 13
Member
698 posts
Busy bee

Are there cultural issues at hand? Reason I ask is that if there is a likelihood of them getting over it. Say for ex your family is catholic and your bf is non religious or Protestant that might be much more common and higher likelihood of them coming around then your family Muslim and him non religious or any other religion really. 

i think either way answer depends on if you want a relationship with them or not. If you want to keep that door open then invite them, you have time, I would keep trying to make them understand. 

if you don’t want to pursue a relationship with them then don’t invite them, as much as it sucks i would leave the siblings out of it because they live with them and they’ll understand also no reason to make their life harder. You guys can reunite once they are over 18 and can decide for themself 

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