- 2 years ago
Hi bees, so my fiancé (23, M) and I (21, F) are in the very beginning stages of wedding planning. We had initially planned for spring or summer 2021 but with everything happening we may delay further. We haven’t told anyone we’re engaged yet as we’re waiting for quarantine to be over.
One of the first things to consider when planning a wedding is of course your guest list and that’s where we’re having some trouble. My SO’s family is lovely – they’ve been nothing but kind to me in the 3 years we’ve been together, and we pretty much do all holidays with them. The same can’t be said for my family, however. My parents are super religious and actually kicked me out at 18 shortly after I left their religion and started dating my SO (who has never been a part of it). They believe birth control, alcohol, makeup, TV, dating outside their religion, piercings, dying your hair, dancing, etc are all sin. Because of this they’ve never approved of my SO or our relationship, even though most of my siblings and all of my friends like him. To top it off, they’re both racist, homophobic and misogynistic, although my mom is more open about it and my dad just kind of goes along with it. I thought my relationship with them would improve as I got older, but it’s still strained to say the least.
Knowing all this, I had still wanted to invite them to my wedding because they’re still my parents, and most of my siblings would still be under 18 when we got married, so I wanted them to be able to come too. But recent events have me wondering if it’s worth it to invite them at all. My mom has recently “come out” as a science denying antivaxxer. She also attended a lockdown protest on Sunday and brought my immunocompromised brother with her. I’m furious with her and frankly don’t want to see or talk to her again. I have blocked her number for the time being until I can cool down.
My fiancé thinks I should still invite my parents to avoid any drama/awkwardness but I just know they’ll make problems since drinking, dancing and “worldly” music are definitely going to be present at my wedding, and I’m going to be wearing a dress that’s immodest by their standards, as well as makeup and dyed hair, plus I have a few tattoos they don’t know about. Also, I’m worried my mom might say something offensive to my friends who aren’t straight and white. But on the other hand, if I don’t invite my parents, I might regret it down the road if I ever patch things up with them, and I’ll definitely miss having my younger siblings attend. What should I do? Is there a compromise I can make?
Apologies for any formatting errors or typos, I’m on my phone