(Closed) Difficult Mother in Law

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 46
4768 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Didn’t read all of it but I’m confused as to why your Future Mother-In-Law is planning your wedding.  When she offered to pay you should have asked for a budget and worked with that budget.

Y is your Future Mother-In-Law talking to caterers and such without you?  My father and FPIL offered to split costs, but Fiance and I are doing ALL the planning and disscussions with vendors ourselves, it just makes sense.

I’d def. say thank you but no thank you to your Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 48
671 posts
Busy bee

@Mya Rose: well that is just crazy. If they don’t want to pay for the wedding then they shouldn’t! 

Post # 49
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I’m so sorry your Mother-In-Law is acting like that! Sometimes it’s really hard for a guy to admit that his mom is unreasonable or wrong. The biggest issue in my relationship with Darling Husband is his family. When we were dating/engaged, his mom would act inappropriately toward me (nothing as bad as this, but smaller stuff) and he would often stick up for her. 

The way we were able to deal with this is lots of serious conversations. It wasn’t fun, but I think of it a great test to see how we would deal with disagreements when we were married. Also, I have to admit that drastic measures (like playing him a recorded conversation of his mom being a b*tch), are not ideal, but sometimes you need to do something like that to get him out of his “mommy can do no wrong” attitude. 

If I were you, I would try to discuss the bigger issues with your Fiance rather than focusing on petty arguments (she said this, she did that, etc). Tell him you are worried about his dismissive attitude towards your concerns – you are a team, and even though he might not be bothered by this whole situation, you are, and that means he needs to take it seriously. You can’t be expected to sit by while your mom gets insulted and taken advantage of. Finally, and I think this is a key issue here – your Mother-In-Law has WAY TOO MUCH control of your wedding, and while he may not care, it obviously matters to you. In the end, it doesn’t matter if your Mother-In-Law is lying about the costs or not – if she wants to have a $300/person wedding (for example) and your mom can only afford $150/person, that’s not okay. Explain to your Fiance that a free wedding is awesome, but not at the expense of either bankrupting your mother or having a super-lopsided guest list. 

Also, as a side note, maybe your mom should stop talking to your Mother-In-Law if Mother-In-Law is rude to her. There’s no reason for her to continue to do so, and if she needs to relay info, she could do it through you. 

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