- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
So, I’m one of 6 bridesmaids in a friend’s upcoming wedding. We are in the midst of trying to plan a bridal shower and bachelorette party, which is turning into a way more difficult task than it should be because of two separate fundamental problems:
Problem 1: The bride and MOB have champaign-taste and a beer-budget bridal party.
Problem 2: Exactly half of the bridesmaids are allergic to communication.
I’ll address Problem 1 first. This is the bride’s second wedding, and due to the circumstances of her first wedding, her mantra for this wedding has been “I want to do it right this time.” [[Translation: She wants a big schebang]]. She, together with her mom and the Maid/Matron of Honor, wants a 60-guest shower at a country club. The mother-of-the-bride, who wants most of these people there, does not think she needs to contribute financially to this shower and that the bridal party is responsible for the whole tab. She picks out what she wants; we pay for it?
The MOB and Maid/Matron of Honor have booked the venue, and then announced to the rest of the bridal party that this was done and that our $$$ contribution was due by X date. In addition to the financial contribution, everyone needs to bring special champaign and an assigned dish that feeds 60 people. [[Have you ever cooked something or purchased fruit for 60 people? That’s hugely expensive.]]
Budget is a sincere concern for all of us bridesmaids, and nobody wants to shell out more than $75-$100 each [total] to host a shower. A couple of these girls have very low-income jobs and truly cannot afford much (no judgment, just a relevant matter of fact), and then there is myself and another friend also in the party and we are saving for other things in our lives and simply don’t want to spend a ton of money on a huge party — particularly one that we aren’t even planning, apparently. What needs to happen is that the Bride and MOB need to be told this — in a diplomatic way, of course — but I don’t know how because it’s obvious that she feels very, very entitled to this and you can just tell that it wouldn’t exactly go over well.
Problem #1 is made more difficult by Problem #2, which is that 3 of these girls won’t answer direct questions such as “Are you comfortable with $X?” and “Does Y work for you?” and “Are you available on Z?” which are asked by the Maid/Matron of Honor, myself and another bridesmaid in a group message in an effort to try an get everyone on the same page and moving forward. 3 of them will not answer these questions — they will read the message and ignore it indefinitely. If they do respond, it’s with something vague and non-commital.
I can tell this is going to be a long, frustrating summer, and I feel like I’m walking on egg-shells with everyone — the bridesmaids as well as the Bride — because I can’t find that perfect shade of gray that (1) makes the bride happy; (2) everyone agrees on and (3) is not expensive. If I don’t speak up about budget concerns, then I would be consenting to the plans by default and be forced to pay the $. If I do speak up, I’m “being difficult.”