Post # 1
Does anyone else find it difficult to balance their friends (particularly their single friends) and their SO?
I am really feeling like the roles of friend and wife are opposing. Among my friends there was always an expectation to put your friends before your boyfriend. And that made sense, because BF’s came and went, but we wanted our friendships to last. But now that I’ve found a life partner, I feel conflicted. It feels like the more I settle into my role as a supportive future wife, the more my friends judge me for spending time with my FH. For example, due to opposing schedules, me and my FH usually only get one day off together a week. Yet, my friends get really annoyed if I avoid scheduling “girls nights” on those days. I think its fair to not ditch my SO all the time. How do you deal with friends, who make you feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your SO? Anyone relate?
Note ** Don’t get me wrong, I am in no means saying that a husband can take a place of one’s friends. And I do spend several nights a week with my friends, usually in the form of girls nights, where I fly solo.
Post # 3
Friends that cannot understand that the FH comes first are not friends IMO. I had several friends that continually tried to hijack me from the FH. It got to the point where I had to cut their access to me to a minimum. My true friends rose to the top like cream and are always supportive and understanding. My mother always said you have a truly blessed life if you have a few true friends and many acquaintances.
Post # 4
Ick, the dreaded situation of balancing friends and marriage. I had a friend who would always put her hand between my fiance and mine’s face when we kissed goodbye and say “GIRLS NIGHT NO BOYS ALLOWED!” She was always single yet Mother Hen’ed everyone else.
So anyways, I don’t think you are being a bad friend at all. It isn’t like you are spending every waking moment with your fiance and since you two have only one night to spend a week, if your friends cannot respect that then it is time to set some boundaries. Tell them that although you consider everyone friends and will always be there for them, there are times that you need to spend with your fiance. Perhaps they could schedule their girls night on the nights that you are free but your fiance is at work.
Post # 5
i used to have more of an issue with this, but as more and more of my friends have settled into serious relationships and have gotten engaged, it’s been a lot easier….nights out are more often than not done as couples. once or twice a year some of my friends will go away for a girls’ weekend, but other than that, SOs are generally welcome.
Post # 6
oh and i meant to add that you are not being a bad friend at all, in fact i’d venture to say that if anything, your friends are being bad friends to you by expecting you to always choose them over your FH. you already spend a few nights a week with them, they should be more understanding of the fact that you and the FH need time together too!
Post # 7
If they can’t understand, they are not friends. Maybe you could try making friends with other married couples.