(Closed) Dignity and Vanity

posted 9 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

A wedding doesn’t have to be "glitzy" to be a wedding with guests.  I’m sure people get out of hand, and go over the top all the time, but it doesn’t have to be like that.  A wedding is only as crazy over the top as you let it get.  And that line is different for everyone.  Maybe your wedding doesn’t include a big pouffy wedding dress, or a 4 course meal at the reception, but for others, it does.  

I recommend the Practical Wedding Blog.  I think it might be down your alley. 

Post # 4
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Why was this written? Do you want our opinion or something?

Post # 5
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You do realize that you’ve posted this on the exact kind of site you seem to be saying are the downfall of marriage/weddings. I’m not sure what your point was in all of this, but if it was to start a discussion I think that’s working.

Post # 6
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Um, I think I actually understand.

I am totally random like this though and I have struggled with but didn’t realize others thought so much about  it. 

 For me, the reasons behind my feelings might a little different.

My sisters like to say I am simple. But then again they only really seem to think of me the way I was in high school or right out. I have often kept the beauty routine to a minimalist level.

 I have thought I didn’t deserve a beautiful dress, but rather that i deserved a "simple" one.

Or that I deserved to have a "real" wedding but that I should elope to save everyone the trouble.

Or that I should be concerned with my skin care, make-up, hair or details in general. I also thought that being concerned with those details made me high maintenance, which I now might think of more as "vanity".

There is also the possibility that you are thinking about this from a feminist prospective and I was concerned about this at first but I read something on feministing.com that put my mind at ease. I am looking for the article, will post link once I find it. 


Post # 8
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

It sounds like you’re talking about the "Wedding Industrial Complex." Meaning, the idea that we’re supposed to have all these things for our weddings because, well, just because. And then you noted that sometimes we can have beautiful things and they glorify this wonderful state of marriage that we are entering into, like how a beautiful cathedral is meant to glorify God.

But sometimes, the emphasis can stray from the marriage to the wedding as party, and then you’re just making beautiful things for their own sake, which in the case of a wedding is missing the point. So some people who are wary of that have very minimalist weddings, because they want to keep the focus on the marriage, not the pomp and circumstance—like how some churches have very minimalist decor because it’s meant to keep your focus on God.

No approach is immune to problems. A minimalist wedding does not "mean" more than a glitzy one. You can’t judge a wedding by how it looks. No matter what type of wedding we choose to have, it’s up to the individuals to keep their focus on the marriage and not just the trappings of the ceremony and reception (or lack thereof), whatever they may be.

And so I think this is a good place for you to be posting this, because Weddingbee is at least to me a place where people are focused on the meaning of things more than on the superficial. Even when the questions are superficial (by which I mean, not imbued with great moral gravity—like, "what should my wedding colors be"), the attitude of the asking and the responses I think do not lose sight of the real reason for asking these questions—the marriage. And that is what makes this a great community.

Post # 9
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I’m not really sure that I understand the point of this post either.  But this is my general take on it:

I think that the couple has the responsibility to keep the focus of their nuptial celebration on the fact that they are uniting themselves in matrimony and committing to eachother – rather than letting that get lost in the hype and glamour of planning a party.

That being said, I think that there is nothing wrong with throwing a great, fun, yummy, exciting party for our friends and family to celebrate.  We do it at every holiday with our friends and family – it’s just plain fun to celebrate and I really don’t believe there is anything wrong with that.  If the couple comes to their vows with a deep sense of commitment and a true intention to love and cherish eachother and hold those vows as sacred, no amount of glitz or glam of a party are going to errode or lessen that (no matter how "vain" "commercial" or " expensive" their wedding might be).  

I think it is a hasty misstep to categorize all large, "vain, commercial or expensive" weddings as being unsacred or illegitimate unions.

The fact of the matter is – you have the control over your own wedding.  If you don’t want to be taken in by "the wedding industry"  – then don’t.  IF you don’t want to have a glitzy big party – don’t.   If you don’t want to have a glitzy reception because you think it will take away from the sacredness of your vows – then don’t.   It’s very simple – it’s your wedding, do what you like.

Post # 10
36 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree, your wedding is your sacred union with your partner, so do it YOUR way. I understand that pressure that the wedding industry puts on us (how many freakin’ bridal TV shows are there?!) can be totally opposed to the idea of marriage as a sacrament, but at the same time don’t give yourself things to regret. Maybe just this once it would be lovely to have someone do your makeup, or spend a little too much on flowers — don’t confuse "glitz" and "vanity" with the desire to make the day special. 

As far as blurring the line between dating and marriage, I don’t think it’s that bad. I think not allowing couple to "test-drive" their relationship by seeing what it would be like to live together is bad idea. Sometimes you can be in love, but not be right for each other and it isn’t always obvious. When you don’t believe in divorce you have to make sure it will work.  

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