(Closed) Dilemma

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do?
    Keep having lunches and see where things go : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Stop spending time with this person : (13 votes)
    25 %
    Tell your SO about the feelings and see what he says : (8 votes)
    15 %
    Dump the guy who won't commit yet and just see what's out there : (29 votes)
    56 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    5004 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    sunburn :  I don’t really understand how your advice is the opposite of anyone here unless you are encouraging her to emotionally cheat on her current partner or even further than that? 

    It is fine to explore something new if your current relationship isn’t working as long as you end the relationship first. However OP hasn’t done that yet and nor does it seem like they have an open relationship so right now ‘exploring something new’ is just cheating. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    10436 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    lauralaura123 :  

    Bee, just two months ago you posted that after six years and much negotiation, your bf has finally granted you two entire evenings a week; a quantum leap forward from one night.

    I’m not sure you’re even in a relationship. Relationships are defined in large part by forward motion. Your whateverthehellitis moves with the speed of molasses running uphill in January.

    We have exhausted and exasperated ourselves telling you all of this.

    If you were free of the boat anchor that you insist on calling a “boyfriend”, you could explore getting to know this new person.  Perhaps it will evolve into a nice friendship.  Maybe it has the potential to become a romance.

    How will you ever find out if you’re stuck in make believe?

    Post # 18
    Member
    10436 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    zzar45 :  

    Check out OP’s post history.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3549 posts
    Sugar bee

    zzar45 :  quite frankly it doesn’t matter. I don’t think her boyfriend will notice or care if she cheats. 

    And personally I think there’s too much of a stigma about cheating when youre “in a relationship”. It causes people to hold on longer than they should out of misguided loyalty, and opportunities are missed. Engaged and married is a different story. Then you’re off market. 

    Post # 20
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee

    Just because you aren’t engaged or married doesn’t give you a right to be reckless with someone else’s feelings. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    3549 posts
    Sugar bee

    londongirl1988 :  I don’t understand this. Feelings will be hurt in a relationship. It happens. People break up. And what about my feelings? Am I supposed to ignore them so that I don’t hurt someone else’s? If you’re in a relationship but other people look appealing to you, you’re in the wrong relationship. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    10436 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    sunburn :  

    I suspect you’re right about this, sadly enough. How long would it take OP’s “bf” to notice if she wasn’t around if they only hook up twice a week?

    If I recall correctly, their “dates” consist of OP going to the guy’s apartment.

    He’s just all about the romance, isn’t he?

    Post # 23
    Member
    5004 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: July 2018

    sunburn : And personally I think there’s too much of a stigma about cheating when youre “in a relationship”.

    Oh come on! That’s fine if that is your view but you can’t pretend that it isn’t the outlier.  The vast majority of people consider being in a relationship to mean exclusively, so there I don’t see how there is too much stigma over cheating when people understand the agreement of being in a relationship. 

    OP is free to leave if she wants, but her partner currently thinks they are in an exclusive relationship and continuing to have what OP calls “dates” in an attempt to see what is out there, while stringing someone along is pretty shitty. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    10436 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    londongirl1988 :  

    Did you look at OP’s post history?

    Please help me understand what I’ve missed that suggests this alleged “bf” has feelings that can be wounded.

    Post # 25
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee

    sunburn :  being deceitful in any type of relationship (romantic, friend, family, professional) doesn’t fly with me. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    57 posts
    Worker bee

    You aren’t looking for real advice from us. You want us to tell you that the office guy is into you. You want to be 100% sure he is into you before you end your relationship with your boyfriend. This is why you haven’t made it clear to him that you are in a relationship. You are hoping that he will hit on you and you can act out some rom-com scene where you had “no idea he felt this way”. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    7904 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Honestly I say go for it. You’ve been posting about your current bf’s unwillingness to move the relationship forward for YEARS bee. Until recently, if I remember right, he wouldn’t even call you his girlfriend. It is long past time for you to drop this dead weight, and if the allure of a new guy is what it takes to get you to do that…then so be it.

    Post # 28
    Member
    2374 posts
    Buzzing bee

    While I agree that OP’s relationship should have ended years ago, I think that she needs to do the right thing and end it FIRST before she starts anything with this new guy.  

    And honestly, it’s OK to be alone.  You don’t have to jump from one relationship to the next.  A relationship does not define you as a person.   Being alone and being able to love yourself is very important for you to have a successful relationship with someone else.

      

    Post # 29
    Member
    116 posts
    Blushing bee

    sunburn :  that’s utterly ridiculous. If you want to act single, just effing BE SINGLE. No one’s chained OP up or tied her down to her bf or whoever tf anyone is dating. Do the mature adult thing and LEAVE. It’s that simple. Framing cheating as “I’m just looking out for myself because i give no fux and I’m super cool. Dog eat dog. Bad Girls Club for life!” is just stupid and selfish. And tbh it’s really immature. Knowingly dragging people’s feelings through the mud so you can get your proper rocks off; good grief.

    The topic ‘Dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

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