(Closed) Dilemma about new boyfriend

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
3292 posts
Sugar bee

Well it takes 6 months for HIV to show up in your system. If I were you I would get tested next month. 

As far as judging him for having unprotected sex with you… well you did it too. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by  Ukulele4You.
Post # 3
2109 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t understand your dilemma. You ALSO had unprotected sex with him so you judging him for having unprotected sex with you sounds pretty hypocritical. Small town or not, go get tested. Both of you. And if you’re really that concerned, use a condom from now on. But this is hardly a dealbreaker…

Post # 4
2872 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Well, it takes two to.. well have sex. So it’s not JUST his fault for having sex with you so easily. The boat floats both ways on that. Just as much of your responsibility as his.

As for testing, i suggest you both get it done before you continue having sex. Sure you live in a rural areas, but there are ALWAYS options. Check your local hospital, insurance to see if you can see a doc around your area, check the Planned Parenthood website to see if there is a place that is somewhat close. Google testing areas by you, I’m sure something will pop up. 

Post # 5
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

He may have been thinking the same thoughts about you. He didn’t have all of these months of unprotected sex ALONE. So how can you judge him as irresponsible when you were doing the exact same thing? Arguably, even more so because you voiced your concerns about it, but continued having unprotected sex despite those concerns.

Not trying to be rude or judge at all, but you asked and I wanted you to consider the issue from his perspective too.

Post # 6
8547 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

pinkarmadillo:  I also don’t get your point. You can’t critize him for being quick to have unprotected sex with you, not asking about your sexual health history etc because YOU DID ALL THOSE THINGS TOO!!!! 

Post # 7
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

How can you judge him for not pressing for protection or testing when you literally did the same thing??? Takes two to tango/f*ck. Repeatedly. Unprotected. 

Instead of trying to test and bait him to see if he’ll ask you to get tested how about YOU speak up on this and say you should both get a round of testing for peace of mind?

Post # 8
9682 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

It doesn’t seem fair to judge him for having unprotected sex with you when you had unprotected sex with him. 

If you want to go get tested, then go get tested. You don’t need him to ask you to. If you would like him to go get tested, then ask him too instead of doing this roundabout hinting bullshit.

Also, I’m not at all surprised he didn’t ask if you got tested after you shared with him that you were sexually assaulted. He probably thought you were opening up and sharing a painful moment with him and that asking if you got tested after that would not have been an appropriate or sensitive response.

Post # 9
5113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

If this were a dealbreaker for me, I wouldn’t be married, my husband and I also had unprotected sex. I’m not saying it’s the smartest decision in the world though. What’s done is done and both of you decided to have unprotected sex, so you can’t just judge him. Get tested now to ease your mind. And use birth control or condoms if you don’t want to get pregnant, “pulling out” isn’t a very effective method to use unless you are comfortable with the idea that you might get pregnant.



Post # 10
422 posts
Helper bee

GET TESTED AND USE CONDOMS. The pull out method is definitely not a reliable form of birth control! You owe it to yourselves to make sure you’re both healthy and baby-free if you’re not planning on having a kid.

Post # 11
1309 posts
Bumble bee

I’m confused. If you told him before you had sex about the last time you had gotten tested, why would he need to ask you again? Didn’t you already have that conversation?

Post # 14
9130 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Why did you go off the pill if you’re having unprotected sex with a brand spanking new boyfriend???  No offense but YOU seem really sexually irresponsible.  

You’re an adult, please have an adult conversation about these things with him.  Just because you started off having unprotected sex doesn’t mean you’re trapped in that pattern forever.  You really don’t want to end up with a STI or a kid because you were too embarrassed to address this responsibly.

Post # 15
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

pinkarmadillo:  So you are upset that he didn’t ask if you had been tested, but wanted to have unprotected sex with you anyways?  Um, you could have spoke up before you even had unprotected sex.  And you can’t rely on him to always be prepared.  Why weren’t you prepared?

Honestly, it sounds like you are trying to put all the blame on him when you were fully involved as well.  You could have easily said no to having unprotected sex, but you didn’t.  But now you are pissed becasue he didn’t ask if you were tested first.  Yeah, no.

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