(Closed) Dilemma: Is it too much to ask guests to attend ANOTHER event

posted 6 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

What if you called your party in August what you just called it in your post, an at-home wedding reception for those who can’t make the DW? Since it’s co-ed and will have a band and everything, it sounds more like a reception than a shower to me, anyway. Then you could let your aunts throw you a girls-only shower. Would that work? 

 

Post # 5
Member
3692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Etiquette-wise, you can’t put any reference to gifts at all on the invitations.  It implies that you (general you, not you personally) are assuming gifts will be given.  On the other hand, it is also considered good manners to give someone a gift if they invite you to such an event.  

I would skip the shower because it could potentially be seen as a gift grab.

Post # 6
Member
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s sweet of your aunts to want to have a party just for the girls, but I agree with you that it will look like you are having two showers, even if one of them is ladies only. I would thank your aunts and tell them you’d rather just have the co-ed event for everyone. People can bring presents to that party.

Post # 7
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Tell your aunts to throw a lingerie party.  IMO it’s different than a shower (esp. since yours is co-ed).  If I was invited I’d be excited.  I love parties and spending time with friends with family.  And if someone doesn’t have enough $$ for a gift they could always just get a pair of undies!  It sounds like fun and will make your aunts happy.  I’d let them do what they want.  

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

if your aunts want tonthrow you a shower, let them! i wuld not be put off by it, i would love a chance to celebrate a friend or relatives wedding at several events.

Post # 9
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t much see how it’s any different than having two showers or having a shower and a reception, so I don’t see a huge probably or gift-grabby anything. It’s a celebration, IMO.

Plus, most people probably won’t feel obligated to bring a gift to both, really. If they can’t or don’t want to, they won’t. No big deal, right?

Post # 10
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Can you call your co-ed shower an “engagement party” or something like that? Then, it’s not so much a gift giving event, and you can still have a shower. 

Maybe that’s not *exactly* what you’re looking to do, but I think something along those lines would be more reasonable (i.e. renaming/structuring the “co-ed shower”). A lot of people have an engagement party, shower, possibly secondary shower, bachelorette party, and reception, so I don’t think asking people to come to a few events is over the top. The only way it might frustrate people, is if they were expected to bring multiple gifts (which it seems you’re not expecting). 

Post # 11
Member
689 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My sister had 3 showers. Mainly it was because our families are so huge that doing one would include 75+ people. Some people (especially the bridal party) got invited to all three. I did a big gift for the first one and told her it was covering all three parties. Im also hostessing and buying a present for the bachelorette party and another big gift for the wedding. I dont mind buying all those presents for her because she is my sister, but if I wasn’t able to afford it I know she wanted me to be there more than the gift itself. So, I feel two “showers” (which I really wouldnt count the co-ed one) is not asking too much. Especially aunts and other family- they want to lavish you with gifts. Its fun. Let them do it, they only get so many chances.

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would honestly recommend making the co-ed shower a local reception or something similar. Maybe even an engagement party. LOTS of couples do this. I think that kinda separates the ‘I’m attending a million showers for these people’ mentality. I think a women’s bridal shower is still okay and I don’t think many people will really have a problem with going. Also, remind your aunts that you’d like a more restricted guest list…the shower can just be for the closest of friends and family…and maybe just your side, not your FI’s. I personally HATE when I get invited places and the invitation reads, ‘no gifts.’ Your guests don’t have to go all out, but I think a lot of people will want to bring something and I doubt you’re going to get too many people that will feel obligated to go all out. Also, think about a themed shower…or clever wording on the invite that tells guests the types of gifts you’d like to receive – like a little something for the 2 of you to enjoy or something along those lines.

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Oh and I am having 3 showers too! I have a huge family, Fiance has a huge family and I have lots of friends! I don’t want a huge shower though and I’d like it to be somewhat intimate so I can enjoy the company of each guest because obviously that’s not as doable at a 250 person wedding. Also, location plays a big role in this. Everyone would like to be included but I don’t live where I grew up so most of my life-long friends are hours away so my sister (MOH) is throwing me a shower in my home town where she still lives for all my friends out there and people I’m close to. Right now, I live in the Bay Area and the majority of extended family lives up here (we’re all VERY close) so my cousin (one of the BMs) is throwing a shower up here with mostly family and a few close friends from the area. Then there’s FI’s family, also not local, but we’re very close so his sister (a BM) is throwing me a shower at a relative’s house a few hours away. I don’t think anybody feels like that’s too much and everyone understands the situation. In your situation, I think people will understand what’s going on and want to attend your events. 

Post # 14
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@ReyDar64:  Personally, I would attend one of the showers and the wedding. There is nothing wrong with having two showers, people do it all the time. Some have a shower for their friends that is buck wild and fun, Also, they have a shower with their family that is a bit more reserved and respectful of their elders that may attend. I don’t see a problem, go for it!

Post # 15
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

If your Aunt wants to throw you a Bridal Shower, and you have friends/family who want to attend, let her!

If people don’t want to attend or can’t afford to, they just won’t come, it’s pretty simple.

However to keep you happy with the whole arrangement, I’d ask your Aunt to make sure that everyone knows gifts are optional and that if anyone wants to purchase you a gift you don’t want them to go all out for it.

The topic ‘Dilemma: Is it too much to ask guests to attend ANOTHER event’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors