(Closed) DILEMMA!!! Just saw my BFF's secret ering….and she will HATE it

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 33
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

I would text back “oh its pretty, but I thought you guys were set on a solitaire ” or something. Just put “solitaire ” in his mind. Or show her random pics of e rings (that one included) and ask what she thinks of them.

Post # 34
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

My 2 cents – I think it’s unfair to say the BF screwed up, when I went shopping with my Fiance I swear he thought I was being polite when I asked for a plain solitaire, phrases like “but surely you would prefer this, it’s so much sparklier” were being used a lot by him. It took a lot of convincing, but in the end I ended up with something “in between” (which I love by the way because he thought about me and chose what he wanted to give me).

I’m also guessing he was persauded by a sales rep.

Aside from that, I think the “asking if she changed her mind” strategy is a good idea!

Post # 35
8 posts
  • Wedding: April 2013


My husband went looking for a ring I said I absolutely loved. He had the picture in hand and still managed to get the wrong one. I really wanted a princess cut, and he got me a round. It wasn’t anything like I expected, but 2 years down the track (even 2 days!) there is no way that I would have it anyother way I love it more and more each day.  I guess what I’m trying to say is sometimes different can work too. I hope your friend loves her ring exchanged or not 🙂

Post # 36
5521 posts
Bee Keeper

@FleeSircus:  I don’t think it’s that they don’t listen; I think it’s that they’re put under pressure by salespeople/friends/family etc. I wanted something VERY specific for my engagement ring (antique-style cluster), and when my OH showed it to his brother, he went on and on about how it ‘isn’t an engagement ring’ and how he should ‘swap it for a solitaire’. Someone other than my OH might well have listened and exchanged it; particularly if the pressure was coming from a salesperson.


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@Crystalchild23:  Hope it goes OK and that he listens! It’s a difficult position to be in, but I think you’re doing the right thing but subtly mentioning it. Keep us posted!

Post # 37
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Crystalchild23:  I know you are just trying to be a good friend but I wouldn’t say anything.  It’s his proposal, let him do it the way he wants it.  Who knows, she may see the ring and fall in love with it but I definitely would keep my nose out of it.

Post # 38
1877 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

@Crystalchild23:  you know your BFF better than us, what would she want done?  I know with my BFF who is getting engaged soon hopefully (her BF asked my husband how much my ring cost so he could get a feel for cost and swore my husband to secrecy but he told me anyway).  I know she wouldn’t want to know or if I saw the ring and knew she’d hate it she wouldn’t want me to say anything still.  

However she and her bf are opem and if she didn’t like it and she specifically told him a certain style and he ignored it, she would def. bring it up in the privacy of their own home.  

Post # 39
3879 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Crystalchild23:  I wouldn’t say anything. This is their deal. She may surprise you and end up loving it since it’s something he picked out. Maybe not. But still…if it was me, I’d leave it alone. 🙂

Post # 40
354 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

If you were my friend, I’d be forever grateful for saying something to him, whether he ends up getting a different one or not.

Post # 41
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I would totally tell him.  I know if my best friend found out I knew about it beforehand and didn’t say anything to him, she’d be pissed at me!

Post # 42
3865 posts
Honey bee

@Crystalchild23:  Could you maybe just inquire as to why he picked the ring? Maybe there is a reason behind it, and maybe you asking will clue him in to the fact that it’s not what she had asked for and can open up that convo. Honestly, if the style of ring causes their whole relationship to crash and burn, they shouldn’t be getting married anyway!

Post # 43
644 posts
Busy bee

@Crystalchild23:  Normally I’d stay out of it, but the PP’s suggestions about how to word a gentle inquiry are great – you seem pretty certain that it’s not what she wants, so good for you for looking out for her!

Post # 44
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@This Time Round:  +1

every girl I know would appreciate it if a BFF mentioned the things that thistimeround suggested if given the chance. Afterwards, some guys and girls act like they might exchange it for what the girl actually wants, but most never seem to because the guy’s feelings would be too hurt. 

 my Fiance wanted to do it on his own without my direct input so itd be a surprise, but luckily he wanted it to be exactly what I wanted so he I got tricked in a double-cross with a friend (I thought I was spying on her for her ring while only pretending to talk about what I liked.) He asked the girl to take video and tell him everything. i did the same for the other girl’s then bf but her Fiance didn’t get the ring I said she wanted. (Pretty sure he would never have bought her the colored gem she wanted because he thinks colored stones arent for e-rings). 

I’d guess your bff’s guy might have been surprised by how much larger carat centerstones cost and thought what he could afford looked too small. So sales person convinced him your gf would like this one. Pretty tricky. Personally, quality, cut, shape, and style/design matter waaay more than size. Do you think that’s also true for your gf?

Post # 45
1 posts

My mum wanted a classic solitaire and my dad ended up buying her something very similar to what your BFF’s boyfriend bought her. To this day she still says how it’s not what she wanted but she still said yes, they’ve been married for over 30 years and she probably hasn’t worn the ring in almost 20 years. She got a custom made wedding band to her exact taste. I know a lot of woman don’t even wear their engagemet rings anymore just the band, including my sister in law. She fought me tooth and nail about picking out a wedding band and said she didn’t want one, she would wear her engagment ring (3.1 carat green amythest in a triangle type shape) I laughed and said you wanna be a nurse? Not a chance, pick a wedding band. And she did and from the day they got married she never wore her engagement ring again. That being said, it’s only up to you to make the decision. You know your best friend. I know that because I am so SET on a classic solitaire that if my best friend didn’t say anything and had the chance I would be a little upset but she’s the type of person that knows what she likes but would be more proud of having something HE picked out for himself. We are very opposite that way. 

Post # 46
198 posts
Blushing bee

I would for sure tell him, but be polite about it. A girl has to wear her ering every day for the rest of her life, and if she doesn’t like it, it’s a huge disappointment. But you have to consider your friend; are you certain she will hate it? Are you sure that, while maybe it’s not her first choice, she won’t grow to love it and love that her SO picked it out all by himself? I know exactly the type of ring my BFF wants, I have pictures saved in a file on my computer, and if I saw that her SO got something I knew she wouldn’t like, I would 100% say something. 


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