(Closed) dilemma – should I go to the wedding? Or be a good host, but cause family drama?

posted 4 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I go to the wedding?
    YES! - go by yourself and spare your SO and his sister the trip : (7 votes)
    13 %
    YES! - go by yourself, but drag your guests with you for the drive : (3 votes)
    5 %
    NO! - stay home and have a good time with your guests : (45 votes)
    82 %
    Parent's suggestion - YES go, take the SO but ditch the sister : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    767 posts
    Busy bee

    noms…cake:  Your parents are being ridiculous IMO.  It would be insanely rude to leave Future Sister-In-Law by herself.  Personally I wouldn’t go at all.  You’re not obligated to attend a wedding for a cousin you’re not that close to and I think it’s more important to cultivate the relationship with your future SIL, who seems really excited to spend time with you.  I love all my cousins, but haven’t been able to attend all their weddings for various reasons.  It happens.  You can even make it up to your cousin by visiting her at a later time if you really want to.

    Post # 3
    2946 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Personally, I would skip the wedding. The bride and groom will have a lot of guests there to see them. Your SO and his sister are there only to see you, and it doesn’t sound like you get a ton of time with them to start with. I would send a card to the bride and groom with my appologies, and then spend the weekend the way you originally intended.

    Your parents also need to learn to calm down. Your cousin shouldn’t and probably won’t be overly offended, and your family will proably be okay with the explantion of “noms has out of town guests this weekend and work commitments.”

    Post # 4
    4233 posts
    Honey bee

    Your cousin sent out save the dates….with the wedding date TBA?

    Spend time with your SO and sister. You can’t live your life according to how our parets think you should.

    Post # 6
    5162 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    noms…cake:  I don’t think you have to go to the wedding. Decline the invite, and send a gift. 

    As for the asking her for another +1….absolutely NOT. That is so incredibly rude. 

    Post # 7
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I would probably go to the wedding if I liked the cousin and wanted to attend. If you’re not that close to her, then decline and send a gift. My parents being pissed would be the least of my worries. If you have other plans then you have other plans.

    Post # 8
    46612 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    noms…cake: I don’t believe a save the date obligates you to attend anything. By the time the invitation arrived you had already made other plans.

    There is another option. The three of you could go to the city in which the wedding will be held, and stay overnight at a hotel.

    That way you put in an appearnce at the wedding, you save  hours of driving and you get to spend more time with our SO’s sister.

    Post # 10
    10589 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    Skip the wedding, but celebrate with the bride and groom sometime before or after the wedding.

    Post # 11
    967 posts
    Busy bee

    I would spend time with your so and his sister and skip the wedding. if you and your so are going to commit to each other then his sister should be a higher priority then your cousin. 

    Post # 12
    46612 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    noms…cake:  Wouldn’t the gas to drive back and forth cost almost as much as an inexpensive hotel room? I know that we pay way more for gas here, so it might not be that big an expense for you.

    Post # 13
    1926 posts
    Buzzing bee

    noms…cake:  she already booked the flight, you made the obligation to her before the wedding invite came = decline the invitation

    Post # 14
    688 posts
    Busy bee

    noms…cake:  I would not attend the wedding. I would say that unfortunately you have other arrangements that cannot be cancelled. With the happy couple well and enjoy your time with your SO and his sister. Your parents should not be telling you what to do.

    Post # 15
    3240 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    Did the STD have a specific date on it? Or just ‘month – specific day TBA’? Either way you aren’t obligated to go to the wedding (it’s not a legal summons, it’s an invitation)… but in the second case your family has no leg to stand on.

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