Dilemma – Which wedding do I attend??

posted 2 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 2
5013 posts
Bee Keeper

1.  Believe your friends.  Unless you have reason to believe they are passive agressive liars, when they say no worries, believe them.  Right now, you are literally the only person making this an issue.

2.  While I don’t believe a save the date means calling dibs and you have to go with whoever called dibs first, if these friends are of relatively equal importance, this feels like a no-brainer.  Bride B already informed you, you already made hotel reservations, and it’s closer with less travel costs (and I presume this is her first wedding).  Bride A is going low-key and seems cool with it.  I assume this is April 2019, not 2020, so someone picking a date with 4 months notice is probably pretty understanding of and prepared for getting more declines than average.

Post # 3
1669 posts
Bumble bee

I would honestlly go to Bride B’s wedding. She told you about it first and you’ve already been to Bride A’s first wedding. You’ve booked everything for it already and you admitted you’ll have more fun.

Post # 4
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

I’m voting Bride B. She gave notice in an appropriate time and you have booked your room. Don’t feel badly. Bride A waited too late to set her date. Hang in there. I’m sure it’s disappointing, but there’s no way Bride A can be angry at anyone but herself in this situation.  

Post # 5
4367 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Go to Bride B’s wedding. 

Post # 6
7802 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would attend Bride B’s wedding. 

Post # 7
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

It sounds to me like you like Bride B better and had made arrangements to go to her wedding before Bride A even picked her date. This is a non-issue. Go to Bride B’s wedding and, if you are feeling generous, send Bride A a nice card and gift. I think that would diminish chances of her holding a grudge against you.

Post # 8
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018 - City, State

Bride B. You’re closer to her emotionally and you already made all the bookings. Send Bride A a heartfelt card + a nice gift, and enjoy Bride B’s weekend.

Post # 9
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i vote bride b, mainly because you will be more sad to miss it.

we had a similar prediciment a few years ago.  wedding are dwindling in our friends group.  one year we had 2 weddings and they were on the exact same date.  Couple 1 are good friends of my husbands but he wasn’t as close.  We’ve been to numerous dinner parties and other events at their home.  When I got their save the date, i was super excited for food at this wedding.  I knew it would be amazing.

Then I overhear one of my huband’s best friend’s fiance say their wedding was the same date as above and they weren’t sending STDs. 

Both DH and I really wanted to go to couple 1’s wedding, it was an entire weekend filled of fun and fancy food.  But we knew we would be going to his best friend’s wedding.  They only had one sibling each who was their wedding party, so my husband was not in the wedding party (he was in ours).  But such is life.  Sometimes you need to make tough decisions.  I joked how we could do both, but it wasn’t possible.

Post # 10
5621 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

If you can’t decide between them I would go to the one that booked the date first.

Usually I would say pick the one you are closest too but they sound pretty even, unless you are more drawn to one than the other but don’t want to admit it.

Post # 11
3066 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

It sounds like on every aspect to consider, Bride B is the top choice.

She booked her date first.

You already booked your room. 

Hers is the easier one to attend from a travel perspective.

You’re closer with her at this point than Bride A.

You’ve already attended a wedding of Bride A’s.

You acknowledge you feel sadder when thinking of missing Bride B’s than Bride A’s.


I think the answer is pretty obvious and you just need a few internet strangers with no emotional investment to tell you that it’s OK to choose Bride B and you’re not a bad friend to Bride A for making that choice. So, let me be one of those internet strangers – go to Bride B’s wedding and don’t feel bad about it 🙂

Post # 12
998 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Definitely Bride B.

If you had a conflict where you wanted to attend both equally, I’d go with the one who let you know the date in a reasonable timeframe. Anyone choosing a wedding date only four months out has to know that some people will already have plans.

And it’s not even a case where you want to attend both equally! You actually want to attend Bride B’s more than Bride A’s. So the decision is clear.

Post # 13
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada

Bride B

Post # 14
590 posts
Busy bee

Bride B, obviously. You already committed to her wedding and booked your hotel. She sent out Save the Dates so her guests would SAVE THE DATE. That means you won’t make any other plans for that day because you already have plans to attend Bride B’s wedding. I know it’s not as binding as an RSVP, but it sounds like you already made a verbal commitment to Bride B. She even told you about her wedding before sending out Save the Dates because she really wanted you to be there. Simply tell Bride A that you’d love to go to her wedding, but you can’t because you already committed to another friend’s wedding, and you’ve known about that wedding for a long time now.

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