Dilemma – Which wedding do I attend??

posted 6 months ago in Weddingbee
Post # 16
3302 posts
Sugar bee

This seems pretty straightforward to me. Bride A already had a wedding you attended. Bride B did not. This is Bride B’s first wedding.

Bride B informed you of her date earlier. Now I don’t believe that informing someone of the date means that you are obligated to come, but in this case I would.

Post # 18
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

At no fault or discredit to Bride A, you have already attended a wedding for her.

Or you could decline both, send them each a really nice gift, maybe still attend showers/bachelorette’s and go on a weekend getaway with your husband.

Post # 19
8662 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

tressasrich :  You go with the one that you already committed to. 

Post # 21
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

tressasrich :  If she is any kind of a friend, I highy doubt she will cause a rift in your relationship over this. Like you said, she booked her date four months out and must expect that some people will have already booked that date up with other commitments.  If you were missing her wedding because you didn’t want to travel for it, or you didn’t want to use your PTO, etc., she would have a vaild reason to be a bit hurt, but you’ve already committed verbally and financially to another wedding that day – I’m sure she will understand!

Post # 22
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2018

I had this happen to me twice! Both times, two close friends got married the exact same day.

First scenario — I went to the wedding of the friend who told me her date first and asked me to block off the time. I told the second friend that I felt really bad, but I’d already committed to the first wedding! I actually ended up going to a pre-wedding celebration for the second friend with no hard feelings from her.

Second scenario — One wedding was in the town where I was currently living, and the other was in a faraway city where I knew no one and would’ve had to spend a ton of money. I still feel a little bad about not going to the faraway wedding, because I was SO close to that friend, but I know I made the right choice financially in going to the wedding closer to home (bonus – my now-husband could go with me!)

These situations sucks, but most friends will understand if they are reasonable people! 

Post # 23
8953 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

tressasrich :  I would attend bride b’s wedding since you committed to it first.

But I am wondering why you didn’t mention to your close friend that you had a committment on x date when she previously discussed dates with you? 

Post # 24
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

tressasrich :  go to bride b’s wedding and send bride A a card congratulationating her on her upcoming marriage or purchase a gift off her registry as a gift. This will even things out and you won’t have to hurt anyone’s feelings , IMO this is something I would do to acknowledge bride A and not make her feel like she’s on the back burner. 

Post # 25
4707 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

tressasrich :  go to Bride Bs. Sounds like your Darling Husband will enjoy it more too. Their invite came first anyhow.

Post # 26
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

Bride B of course. You legitimately planned to go to hers, before A picked a date, if I am reading right. I would never travel by plane to go to a wedding, when another wedding I was torn by was right nearnby practically. 

You already attended a wedding of Bride A. Usually this makes no never-mind but in this case it is a point. 

Post # 27
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

Bride B for sure.  

Post # 28
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am also Team Bride B!


I do think you should do something special for Bride A – maybe take her and her new husband out to dinner next time you are home after their wedding so you can still celebrate with them? 

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