(Closed) Dilemma..need the hive’s advice (sorry if it’s long!)

posted 8 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

If you can’t afford it – you can’t afford it.

I’d politely decline, but follow up with a phone call expressing to her that you would have LOVED to go, but it just wasn’t fiscally possible at this time.

Of course I’d send a gift as well.

Post # 4
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If I were you, I would drive (just leave earlier than you would have to get through the traffic) and stay with your Bridesmaid or Best Man if she’s okay with it.  If not, I’m sure your friend will understand.  Just send her a nice gift and your regrets.

Post # 5
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’d either do the drive and stay with the friend… or just politely decline the wedding invitation, and enclose a note explaining that you are truly sorry to miss the event and explain that it is a truly busy year for you.  …and remember to send a gift anyways.

Post # 6
Member
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d drive and crash with the friend! Just time your driving so it’s not at the worst time of the day.

my parents live about 4.5 hours away and they live on a LAKE. Super tourist destination. We leave a little earlier and it doesn’t take us any longer than it normally would. We just avoid the worst times of the day to travel.

Otherwise, send a nice gift, a heartfelt card, and that’s all you can do. It’s a risk you run with holiday weddings.

Post # 7
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

i would reccomend writing a nice letter, and sending a nice gift(nothing too bag) and explain your situation. i promise that on her wedding day she won’t even think twice about it.. she will have so many other people there, and her main focus will be her husbad. so don’t feel guilty, if she holds it against you, you prob didn’t wanna go in the first place.. so stay home, save money and write a heartfelt note, wishing her the best.. it will be understood and appreciated!

Post # 8
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with the others that I would either drive and stay with a friend or decline.  If you leave early, the travel probably won’t be that bad.  A lot of people still aren’t driving because of the economy.

Post # 9
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Are you afraid if you cant make it to hers that maybe she wont go to yours? There were a few friends of mine that cant make it to my wedding and I was kind of bummed but understand.  One of them actually lives 30 mins away so I was very upset about her but the other just lost her mother, its ok the bride should understand

Post # 10
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m in that situation now.  We are 7 weeks from my wedding and leaving tonight to drive 17 hours to go to a friends wedding on the other side of the country.  With the hotel (500 dollars) the gas (we are splitting it 5 ways) and parking (assuming about 200 for gas and parking) plus the 100 cash for the gift + food for the weekend, we are easily spending $1000, 52 days before our wedding!

We weren’t going to go.. I was ready to say no.. but all the other people from the area, including some that are unemployed are going down.  EVERYONE was going – so I felt a little guilted into going.  Plus my fiance really wanted to go… so we are going!

I’ll stress about the money later.. we are leaving tonight, so I’m going to try to enjoy it!  New Orleans, here we come.

Post # 12
Member
571 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think that if you can’t afford to go, you shouldn’t feel obligated to go.  It’s an out of town wedding for you, and I feel like a bride planning a Destination Wedding or semi-DW (especially on a holiday weekend) knows that those choices are going to make it very difficult for some guests to come.  I would send a nice gift and heartfelt note, and then (if she lives somewhat locally to you) let your friend know that you would love to take her out to brunch/dinner/etc after her honeymoon to celebrate and hear all about her day.

Post # 13
Member
2090 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Where in Maine is the wedding? There is a train station in Portland, I’ve taken the train from NYC, not sure if it also goes to NJ, but that’s something to consider too. I don’t mind driving, but the train is nicer than driving sometimes.

If the wedding is near Portland, feel free to PM me, I have a list of B&B’s in-town for some of my relatives, which might be less $$ than a hotel.

I don’t think you should feel obligated to go though, regardless of the reason.

Post # 14
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Does your FH have to go with you?  It seems like you could make it a cheap trip if you went alone and you could still support your friend.  Either you could drive or fly and then stay with your Bridesmaid or Best Man.  It would be easier for her too if your FH didn’t also stay over.  It may not be ideal, but it’s a good compromise!

Post # 15
Member
368 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think if you can’t afford to go then you can’t afford it. I think that when an out of town wedding is planned there must be some sort of realization that not everyone will be able to go due to financial reasons.

Post # 16
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would just send a gift from her registry.  It’s a bit more thoughtful than just sending a check through the mail and you don’t have to spend $1000 on one weekend.

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