Post # 1
So… it appears I have an issue. When my Fiance and I were picking our venue, we went with a place we could have a ceremony and reception. My parents started in about this “but churches are made for weddings, blah blah blah”. I said that we were simply not interested in that at all. I don’t go to church, my Fiance doesn’t go to church, and neither do my parents. So, it seemed like we had reached an understanding and the church thing had been let go.
Before I go any further, I should mention that my Fiance is 100% against the idea of God being mentioned at all in the ceremony. Well now that we are looking for someone to marry us, I keep getting asked “where will you find a minister?”. To which I reply “there are plenty of companies where you can hire an officiant.”. But, they seem really stuck on this needing a minister. So, in an interest of keeping some form of peace, do you think it’s possible to find a minister who would perform a civil ceremony? Has anyone ever heard of that before? And forgive me for being ignorant here, but if I find someone called “Reverend X”, that’s a minsiter right?
Post # 3
You might be able to find a Unitarian Universalist minister who would leave God out of a wedding service … but, really, it’s a little bit outrageous to seek out someone who has made it their life’s work to serve God, and then ask them to perform your wedding ceremony, but in a way that goes against their deeply-held beliefs.
Your parents seem stuck on the idea of a church as “wedding scenery” and a minister as a character (or even a prop) to act out their idea of what they think a wedding is supposed to look like. But churches aren’t “made for weddings” so much as they are made for being the home of a worshipping community. If someone is a member of that community, then the church is the perfect place for their wedding, and they already have a minister, no need to seek one out. If church isn’t a part of your life at all, though, it’s kind of inauthentic to have the wedding there, right?
Post # 4
Here’s the thing: it’s your wedding. Choose your own officiant without being pressured by anyone else. We’re getting married outdoors in a local park, and using a local husband-wife team as our officiants. They are Reverends, but they do all kinds of ceremonies. In fact, they specialize in non-traditional ceremonies, which is exactly what we wanted. No religious anything, no mention of God/god/gods. And hey, we just aren’t telling anyone. No one needs to know until the day of, and they can keep their mouths shut if they don’t like it, because I do not want to hear it. We’ve had people try to talk us into a church wedding, a religious wedding, etc., and we thanked them for their opinions, said that we would make that decision when we got there, and dropped it.
Post # 5
See, I wish it were that simple to tell them to let it be, but since my parents are paying for the wedding, technically they do get some input into where money is spent and what goes on. I do feel that their insistance on a minister is partially due to lack of knowledge that other officiants do exist (other than a justice of the peace) and the fact they were married in a church, so were my grandparents, my great-grandparents… you get the idea.
We did refuse the church wedding… If we do find a minister who will perform a civil ceremony it will have to be at our location not in a church. For me, I’m less concerned about mentioning God, but my fiance is against it. When I say I’m less concerned, I mean it wouldn’t bother me but it wouldn’t have any sort of special meaning to me either.
If we do find a Reverend who is willing to perform a civil ceremony, I don’t think I will mention to anyone that it is a civil service. Although, I’m sure I’ll hear all about that for a long time to come that it wasn’t religious after the fact. *sigh*