Dinner Party prep tips?

posted 3 months ago in Beehive
Post # 31
Member
617 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

This and the other thread sound cray cray.

I’m sorry OP, if I was invited to a dinner party with such strict rules, I’m RSVPing NO. It’s not a party where I could relax and chat with friends; sounds like a strict school instead. Agree with PPs a brunch would be better for your sleep schedule. But what if the guests wanted to drink more than 2 glasses of wine or accidentally muttered a “f***” when s/he drops something? Is your Fiance gonna explode and invoice them to compensate for the mess or hearing a swear word enter his ears? Are you sure you and your Fiance are ready to host??? Even if everyone agrees to your rules, there’s bound to be “accidents.”

Post # 32
Member
6667 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Dinner party prep tips? 

#1 – Do not host a dinner party if you are this uptight

End of list. 

Post # 33
Member
770 posts
Busy bee

mathlove10 :  Honestly, and I mean this with kindness, I don’t think you should have this dinner party. You and your fiance are not capable of being welcoming hosts. You are both way too rigid, and creating rules for people in your home about how to speak and how much to drink are both insulting and infantasizing. This isn’t a party for children, it’s a party for adults and they ought to be treated as adults. 

This is more of a situation where you need to know yourself but also be socially aware of what is acceptable to other people. Your home will not be a welcoming place and people will likely feel extremely uncomfortable with the rules and regulations, so maybe you aren’t dinner party people. That’s ok! You don’t have to throw a dinner party to be good company. I think the suggestion of dinner at a restaurant is a lovely idea. 

Post # 34
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

I just discovered this poster, this thread and her other thread and my surprised pikachu face went 4k Ultra trying to process this couple.

Post # 35
Hostess
7878 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

Hmmmm this thread is giving me deja vu.

 

How about you just don’t host a party. It sounds like it will be too rule heavy and no fun at all. So just save the bother. 

Post # 36
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I guarantee no one will stay past ten pm 🙂 

Post # 37
Member
574 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I’m not sure “party” is the best word for what you’re planning here, that implies people will be having fun…

Seriously, this is bordering on batshit 

Post # 38
Member
1743 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You sound like fun. Good way to ensure guests don’t want to come back

Post # 39
Member
909 posts
Busy bee

Have you considered holding a pre-dinner party orientation, maybe a week or two in advance? You could arrange to use a room at your school and do a PowerPoint presentation to introduce you and your fiancé, what your expectations are for the event, and the parameters. You could throw in video clips to illustrate how you expect guests to or not to act, and even have them do some role plays (ex: what to do when you feel the f-bomb coming on). After the training, you can give potential guests a test (written and/or oral) and, if they pass, they are certified to be able to have the honor to attend your dinner party. 

This orientation will likely make you and your fiancé extremely comfortable (make sure you and he schedule some time to discuss it and plan it during your scheduled time together) and will allow potential dinner party guests the comfort of knowing that their behavior must be wholly inauthentic in order to risk upsetting you or husband and risk a bill for mental anguish from fiancé. 

Post # 40
Member
2129 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

mathlove10 :  *yaaaaaawn* Recycled threads are the most boring

Advice: You should not be hosting a dinner party. Ever. No one wants to be constrained by rules during periods of relaxed socialization

Post # 41
Member
734 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

In my house when we have a dinner party we have strict rules as well:

  1. You must not show up BEFORE 9:00PM.
  2. You must STAY until 2:00AM.
  3. You must drink a minimum of 4 glasses of wine.
  4. All ladies must wear 4 inch heels for the entire night.

Would you want to attend my dinner party?

Probably not. It’s ridiculous to impose rules like that on other adults. If you cannot be flexible and gracious towards people who are guests – you shouldn’t host a dinner party. Being a gracious host means putting your guests comfort above your own.

Post # 42
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

I’m VERY VERY OCD and clean when it comes to my house yet I tend to host small dinner parties and events rather regularly in my house and NEVER have I been so hard on rules for my guests. I just clean up when it’s all over, because I understand those things come with hosting an event in your home.

I have to agree with everyone else, I don’t think you should use your home for this party….maybe rent a club room or something of the like somewhere else besides your home.

Because honey I can tell you, you can set those rules all you want but I bet they will be broken a few times throughout the night and you may not even know….or are you and your Fiance’ gonna stand around and supervise everyone instead of mingling with the guests.

I’m fairly certain that most adults don’t want to come to a party where everyone has to sit down beforehand and discuss rules, seems childlike.

I can understand the shoe thing but that’s an easy fix just try to catch everyone at the door, but everything else is a bit too much IMO.

Post # 43
Member
4240 posts
Honey bee

What is it with people who clearly don’t enjoy or trust other people wanting them to come over to their home?  Is it a showing off or bragging kind of thing?  Cause it certainly isn’t an “I enjoy you as a person and want to spend more time with you” thing.

Easy solution – if you can’t trust adults to act like adults, then don’t invite them to your home.  If you are on such a rigid schedule that you have to control everyone else in a group to maintain that rigidity, then don’t invite them to your home.

It takes a special kind of jerk to treat adults like preschoolers and read them a condescending list of rules in order to socialize with you.  Either trust adults to socialize like grown adults and conduct themselves as they see fit or choose to not associate with them if you don’t like them.  But you don’t control other adults.  Do you really want to be that jerk?

And it takes a special kind of self-involved jerk to want to control the timeframe or manner in which people have a good time (although I can’t envision anyone having a good time in the scenario you mention so maybe this isn’t a problem after all) by so tightly controlling the course of events.  Do you want to be that jerk? 

You only get to control you.  If you have such rigid requirements, then maybe inviting people out to happy hour is more your speed so you can control your ability to leave if the conversation isn’t to your liking as well as when you need to leave in order to get to bed and you don’t have to try to control everyone else who may want to stick around and chat longer or have a third drink since you need to be asleep by 8pm to get your 10 hours in.

Post # 44
Member
3462 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

mathlove10 :  my advice is that you don’t do this. I have seen you mention any reason that hosting a dinner party would be a good idea, but I’ve seen several indications of why it would be a bad idea. Best you leave these things to people who enjoy doing them, do not get stressed out so easily, have flexible bedtime schedules, are less rigid about “acceptable” conversation topics, and do not feel the need to police people’s alcohol intake. Did someone ask you to host a dinner party? If not, I can’t see why you took this idea upon yourself given that everything about your lifestyle seems unsuited to such things.

P.S. There’s nothing wrong with having “house rules.” I have them too. But it would be ungracious to sit folks down and have a pre-party housekeeping discussion; there are better ways. For example, if I saw someone wandering toward an off-limits part of the house I’d approach, smile sweetly and ask if there was anything I could help them with while I gently guided them back to the common area. 

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