(Closed) Dirty Fun Holiday Humor

posted 7 years ago in Holidays
Post # 3
Member
3576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’ll Play:

Christmas Carols:

1. Schizophrenia – Do You Hear the Voices I Hear ?

 

2 Amnesia – I Don’t Remember If I’ll be Home for Christmas

 

3 Narcissistic – Hark the Herald Angels Sing about Me

 

4. Manic – Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and . .

 

5. Multiple Personality Disorder – We Three Queens Disoriented Are

 

6. Paranoid – Santa Claus Is Coming To Get Us

 

7. Borderline Personality Disorder – You Better Watch Out, You Better not Shout, I’m Gonna Cry, and I’ll not Tell You Why

 

8. Full Personality Disorder -Thoughts of Roasting You On an Open Fire

 

9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

 

10. Agoraphobia – I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House

 

11. Senile Dementia – Walking In a Winter Wonderland Miles from My House in My Slippers and Robe

 

12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder – I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

 

13. Social Anxiety Disorder – – – Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

 

14. Attention Deficit Disorder – – We Wish You….. Hey Look!! It’s Snowing!!!!!

Post # 5
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for is annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?”

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Post # 6
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@MamaHusky3: It’s only fair to share the other side too!

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

-A Christmas tree doesn’t care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
-Christmas trees don’t get mad if you use exotic electrical devices.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you break one of its balls.
-You can feel a Christmas tree before you take it home.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you look up underneath it.
-When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t get jealous around other Christmas trees.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t care if you watch football all day.
-A Christmas tree doesn’t get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.

Post # 8
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You ladies are funny! Those definitely got a laugh out of me.

@stephinPA: I loved yours! Especially the ADD one

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