Post # 1
I’m looking for some insight/advice.
The engagement is coming in the next few weeks so my bf and I have been sitting down and discussing each of our visions for the wedding.
We agree on everything, except possibly the most important part. My bf is somewhat religious and wants to raise our future children Catholic. I have no issue with this. I am Catholic as well, but I do not practice.
I want to have the ceremony at the same location as the reception, but my bf is pretty firm on the fact that he wants to be married in a church.
I do not paricularly like church weddings and don’t consider myself relgious, so I feel a bit odd about agreeing to this.
Do any of you bees have an experience with a similar sitution? What did you do? Should I fold and “OK” the church ceremony?
Post # 3
That is tough. Since you’re both catholic and are going to be raising your kids as such, I don’t see it as a huge deal if its really important to him. I’m not religious, and my husband doesnt really practice his religion. We will not raise any potential kids in his religion so opted out of a religous ceremony.
Post # 4
I planned most of our wedding, any things my husband had strong feelings about we did his way. Personally I would research how many hoops you will have to jump through to get married at a Catholic church and see if it is worth it to both of you. If it’s too much work he may change his mind.
Post # 5
How about you have a religious ceremony with prayers, etc but not in a church? That would be a good compromise in my opinion. Plus, like a PP stated, there are A LOT of things you need to do to get married in a chatholic church. As a non-religious person I don’t think I’d want to go through all that hassle either!
Post # 6
The thing that gets me is that he doesn’t really practice either. We don’t even have a local parish. I’m unsure exactly why it’s so important to him.
I think that’s a good idea, thanks! You are probably on to somethng with him backing down if it’s too much work haha!
Post # 7
I’m not sure if you are aware of this, but you can be married inside the parish without having Mass. Would that compromise be okay?
I’m a Roman Catholic and my husband is not. We got married at my church. Catholic weddings are held inside the church or chapel. Not on beaches or public gardens or at reception venues.
It sounds like this is really important to your fiancé. What is making you hesistate?
Post # 8
morethanyesterday : The thing that gets me is that he doesn’t really practice either. We don’t even have a local parish. I’m unsure exactly why it’s so important to him.
People are funny when it comes to their religion and sometimes it’s not a matter of how religious you are, and more about how you always envisioned you’d get married. To me it’s no different than people who are adament they want to get married in the fall, simply because that’s when they always envisioned their wedding being. I have friends who the wife is Methodist and the husband is Morman. Both of them rasied in the church yet neither one religious and they don’t make a huge effort to attend church….even still the husband thinks HIS church is the “right” church which seems funny for a guy who basically does everything against his church’s teachings and rarely attends.
I say find a way to compromise. Have the ceremony at the church but don’t do Mass. If it’s something that is important to your fiance I would find a way to make it happen unless you are just adamently against the church/religion.
Post # 9
My Fiance was raised Catholic, but rarely goes to church. However it was important to him and his family that our wedding be in a church. We compromised by having a Catholic ceremony with no mass in a non-denominational chapel. For context, I am not religious and was never baptised, so it has been a little complicated to arrange but not impossible.
Post # 10
Thanks for your input, bees! I think compromise is the best/only solution. After all, it’s his wedding too haha!
Post # 11
I just wanted to add and reiterate what PP said. Both my Fiance and I are similar to you and your boyfriend – we both are Catholic but are more the “Christmas/Easter” Catholics. For some reason though it still was quite important for me to get married in the church, just because it’s always how I had imagined my wedding day. It may be similar for him? We ended up booking a non-denominational chapel where we can still have a Catholic ceremony without mass. It may be a good compromise for you two!
Post # 12
We’re doing what tiffy127
suggested. Of the two of us, I’m the religious one and always wanted to get married in church (disclaimer: Lutheran, not Catholic). FH is not at all religious and it felt disingenuous to force him into it. We’ve compromised by having our ceremony outside, but still including religious readings, prayers, etc. We’ve also decided not get married by a pastor, but instead by a close family member.
Post # 13
My DH was raised in the church, but has not attended since he was about 15. I am actively non-believing. Even so, it was important to DH that we be married in a church. Note: A church, not necessarily his church or even a church of the same faith in which he grew up. I figured that as long as DH knew that I did not believe, if he wanted to be married in a church, so be it. If it mattered so much to him, I could stand in a church for half an hour.
So we were married in a church, and DH has not attended church since then, despite me encouraging him to go if he felt it was important to him. He doesn’t feel the need to display his faith, but it mattered to him that he be married in a church. Again, as a non-believer, I wasn’t forced to do or say anything that was untrue to myself, and standing in a church was not offensive in and of itself. So why would I not compromise so that he felt the wedding was the way it was “supposed” to be?
ETA: I typed D. H., not “Darling Husband”. It’s an abbreviation that has become used on its own, and doesn’t need “translation” any more than LOL does. Grr.