Disagreement about future son's name – 'inherited' first name

posted 2 years ago in Names
  • poll: What do you think about automatically naming a child after the other parent due to family tradition?
    I don't have a problem with this and would gladly do it : (23 votes)
    17 %
    I have actually done this with my children's names : (5 votes)
    4 %
    To hell with tradition, it needs to be a joint decision : (108 votes)
    79 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    876 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    kalistamin :  My husband and son have the same name. Their middles are different so he isn’t technically a “junior”. I chose the middle name. It was important to my husband and its a nice name so it didn’t bother me at all. If I had been very against it I’m sure my husband wouldn’t have forced the issue but it worked out fine.

    Post # 17
    Member
    478 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    kalistamin :  We have a future son naming disagreement (not serious, mostly just joking) and I always tell him that he should just hope we have girls so we won’t have to deal with it, or that I’m going to secretly fill out the birth certificate when he’s not looking. Lol.

    So, hope for daughters?

    Post # 18
    Member
    5614 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    kalistamin :  You can always give the child the inherited first name but call the child by the middle name, if this is a situation you will find yourself in.  I know many men that do this.

    Post # 19
    Member
    6337 posts
    Bee Keeper

    kalistamin :  I have a friend in this situation. The husband is sixth or seventh generation with the same name and brought it up early in the relationship as something that was very important to him, basically a relationship dealbreaker. It was always on the table as part of his package deal and while she wasn’t in love with the idea she was in love with him and ultimately decided she was willing to compromise. They did agree that while he would choose the name for the first son she would choose the name for a girl or for the second child. She has had a lot of fun teasing him with outrageous girl names…

    Post # 20
    Member
    1147 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    Is it a name that can have an associated nickname? Would your SO be ok with calling him by the nickname? 

    Personally this would not fly with me at all. I think children deserve their own name and not the same as any other family member just for the sake of tradition. I don’t really know how to compromise if your SO is unwilling to budge, or use it as a middle name etc. The nickname thing is all I could think of that might work for you and him since he’s being so stubborn 

    Post # 21
    Member
    7918 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Darling Husband is named after his dad, and our theoretical son will likely be a III. Naming the kid after his dad wasn’t a thing in my family. I don’t feel very strongly about passing down the whole name, but I’ll roll with it because it’s important to Darling Husband. I’ve definitely told him I think the concept is a little silly. Still, we’ve reaped the benefits of the shared name as they are able to share memberships and other things. There are more important things to compromise on than the passing down of his name. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    3210 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    kalistamin :  I have a newborn, 2 weeks today! My husband shares his father’s first name although he’s not a junior as they have different middle names. He’s always wanted to give a son the same first name as him. It would not have been my choice of names otherwise, but I did give in eventually. However my baby will go by a nickname and my husband and his father both go by different nicknames as well. We reached that compromise, but I don’t think you have to give in at all – it needs to be a joint decision either way and tbh after going through birth, your opinion bears a bit more weight imo! 

    As a pp said, if the name had been something like Herman it would’ve been a hell no. The name is very classic and popular which is why I agreed at all. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    587 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    Does your guy have siblings? Are they going to be naming THEIR son(s) the same thing? I think this is one of those dumb pride things. And as another bee mentioned, all of you (future children and yourself) are already taking his last name, he doesn’t get to just put his foot down and make it solely his decision on first names too. I would be super irritated if I were you. My Darling Husband wanted to name one of our sons after his grandfather, but honestly I didn’t like the name. It’s an old fashioned culture-specific name, and if anything, our son might get teased. I told him if it was super important to him to honor his grandfather, then it could be a middle name, this compromise seemed to work for him

    Post # 24
    Member
    2456 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    “Alright, he can have your first name, but our son will have my last name.”

    Post # 25
    Member
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee

    It isn’t a contest. Everything doesn’t have to be 50/50 all the time. There are going to be battles he wins and there are going to be battles you win. You cannot split the child in two and each name your half so someone will need to cave on this. Personally, as the official family historian, carrying on a name throughout generations is honorable and beautiful to me. My son isn’t a Jr. but he has a name from the tree and it’s so much better to explain to him that he was named after this totally awesome human being and share with him all his qualities and accomplishments as well as show him on the tree how far back the name was used throughout the years. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    790 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve always said I should get to choose the first name since the child automatically gets his last name. I’m kidding…kind of. But this really irks me. We lose our name completely & then he gets to carry one first, middle, & last?!  I think it’s horse shit. My Darling Husband has mentioned doing this, as his name is the same as his fathers, but I absolutely hate his first name (Donald) & he goes by his middle name. If we are going to give my child a shitty name for namesakes then my hypothetical child is getting a family name from my side   Either it’s a joint decision, or it’s my decision  The woman carries the child for 9 months for goodness sake  

    strong opinion, I know. I don’t typically get on a soap box on these forums but this one strikes a serious nerve for me #sorrynotsorry 

    Post # 27
    Member
    3852 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    kalistamin :  It absolutely is a joint decision–but you seem to be under the assumption that just because a family (or “inherited”) name is used that the mother had no say in the matter. Many women like the tradition of it and are happy to carry on a family name on their husband’s side. You just seem automatically opposed to it in general. Regardless of what the child’s name is (whether it’s the family name or a new name) you will have made the decision together. It’s not like he can sign the birth certificate without you. Try seeing it from your SO’s point of view: His family has a tradition already in place and he may have always assumed he would be carrying it on. He may not want to be the one to break the tradition. 

    Is it the name you’re opposed to or are you just against it because you didn’t pick it? For what it’s worth, one of my best friends married a guy whose first name has been used for the first born son for about ten generations. When they got serious, he mentioned that he would absolutely want to carry on the family tradition of naming their first born son the name. My friend was a bit put out because she has her own names that she is attached to. However, she recognized it was important to her partner and their compromise was that he select the name for the first, she got to choose the name for the second. 

    Alsoooo, Darling Husband has had his heart set on a name for a girl for a long time. It was not my cup of tea (still kind of isn’t), but because he loved it so much and he wanted to use it, I compromised with him. He gets to name the first girl and I’ll name the first boy or the second girl. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    600 posts
    Busy bee

    My husband is a junior, and before we started ttc I asked him if we had a boy if he’d want to name him the same name, he said no (thankfully, I couldn’t imagine 3 in the family with the exact same name!) We did have a boy and he has his own name, he shares my husband and his grandfather’s middle name.

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