Disagreement on house

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
5836 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Where is your husband’s mom in this if you are moving into her house when her husband dies but you don’t want her around?

I think you really need to sort this out with your husband before doing anything, you need to be in agreement before moving ahead with any of these plans.

If you already think his parents are being too needy then perhaps moving onto their land is not the best answer. 

Post # 4
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee

No you’re not being unreasonable, stand your ground, you don’t know how long his parents will live for. I work in cardiology and we have patients who live for many many years with heart conditions, it’s not a given his dad will die in the next few years and even if he does what about his mum? Will you be happy living with her? If you’re moving into their house where is she going to live? 

I would only agree to this if you were happy to live with his parents, because it sounds like this is the plan tbh. 

Post # 6
Member
9821 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Uhh you need to set some boundaries here. You couldn’t GIVE me a new house if it meant I had to live that close to my inlaws.

Post # 7
Member
5836 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
misskitty90 :  Are you sure?  How quickly is she expected to move out of her home after her husband dies?  What if she takes longer to move than you think is acceptable?  What if she changes her mind after her husband dies and wants to stay in her home? 

I can see this going badly bee, I think you really need to put more thought into these plans and the possible scenarios that could throw everything off. 

Post # 8
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

“NO” is a complete sentence.  I suggest you use it with your husband. 

Post # 9
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Iowa

Is the new house going to be on his parent’s land also? I would build my forever-house on his parent’s land (vs building a new house then moving into an old house?) and then rent out his parent’s house when that time comes. Depending on how much land they have you wouldn’t have to be right next to them.

 

I live next to my in laws, my Father-In-Law is an asshat that we don’t speak to anymore, but in general it’s not an issue to live next to them, we barely see them. It is nice to have Mother-In-Law next door when we need someone to watch the kids.

Post # 10
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I don’t see how this is going to end well at all. Even without all the other complications, you’re planning to build a house right next to his parents’, but you also think his parents are too needy and can’t stand the thought of them being at your house all the time? It’s just not going to work.

Does your husband also not care about his parents and just want them out of the way/dead so he can have their land, or does he actually enjoy spending time with them? Because if it’s the latter, and you force him to choose them or you, you’ll have to be prepared for the possibility that he might well choose them.

Post # 11
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

This is something you should decide together. I would not be happy if my husband dictated to me what we needed to do based on his wishes alone.

Post # 12
Member
2153 posts
Buzzing bee

I mean it sounds unreasonable to be neighbors with your ILs if you don’t want to, but you also sound rigid AF. I have horses, too… it took me 10+ years to find enough money to buy a house and piece of land to put them on vs boarding. If my parents had land they were willing to give to me, then you bet ur ass I’d be all over it, knowing it’d help me reach my financial goals. Instead we did it the old fashioned way, save and wait and wait and save and wait and then we eventually found the perfect place. 

That said, it’d be a JOINT decision with my husband. You thowing a fit and him throwing a fit isn’t going to solve this issue. What you have is an opportunity here to have some land and the possibility of either a rental property or ability to sell off pieces of land for profit in the future. If that means a short term tree line with the in laws then, that’s something to consider. 

If you just cannot, ever see yourself living there then you really need to sit down and come to a compromise. Maybe you move somewhere he can have his horses closeby and board, or perhaps you agree to move somewhere until his dad passes (which is he wanting that to happen??? confused here), then inherit the land and move?

Post # 14
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Is the issue with how closely you would be living to your ILs or is it the fact your husband wants to build, then sell not knowing how long his dad may live? 

I don’t see the issue with your husband wanting land for his horses and wanting to “take over” his parents land when they move or pass. This sounds like one of those sort of “I always figured I would just take over everything when mom and dad can’t” situations. However, I do agree that going through the expense and stress of building only to move into his dad’s house is ridiculous. 

I mean, if you aren’t okay with that you need to explain that to your husband but I’d be willing to be its going to cause issues and you’re going to be the bad guy for wanting certain space between your In-Laws. **I’m not saying you are wrong, you are allowed to have your own wants/needs and standards and absolutely should put boundaries in place. I just don’t see how any HUGE boundaries are being overstepped at the current moment. From what info you’ve provided you don’t really say much about how the ILs act or if they are pushing your husband to move into their house/take over the land and plan to visit 24/7. 

Would it be an option to either A. build and stay in that house then buy/inherit the house + land from your father-in-law OR B. move in with your ILs/find temporary living arrangements until his dad passes away? 

If the property is literally right next to each other, I wouldn’t want to sell any piece of land if its neighboring. Keep it all for yourself if that’s a feasible option. 

Post # 15
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

View original reply
misskitty90 :  who the hell romanticizes their parents’ deaths like this? Like he’s literally planning your life and future around them dying? What the actual fuck? 

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