(Closed) Disagreement over TTC

posted 2 years ago in Waiting to TTC
Post # 2
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Can you go talk to your obgyn about what it would really be like if you had a high risk pregnancy and the reaources you’d need etc? I’m 16 weeks and my obgyn runs out of an office complex that isn’t at the hospital. All appointments are there and no matter what was going on they would still operate normally and see their patients. The birth would be at hospital but that’s it. All the appointments I’ve been to so far have been completely normal as usual aside from extra hand sanitizer procedures.

Talk to your doctor and really hear your options and hear how it would go if you needed special care or treatments etc. because it sounds like your making a lot of assumptions right now about over crowding and what that would be like. Your doctor would know. So ask her. 

As for me personally I’m in the camp of people who think there’s always hardships in planning a family. And I wouldn’t have put iff TTC even knowing what we know now. And being able to work from home while pregnant has made this so much more relaxing and easy on me. So I see the upside. I’m also 35 and I couldn’t afford to wait longer to have kids. And by the time I deliver in September I’m confident this will not be at peak saturation so I think it will be fine. I think you TTC in July is perfectly fine and plenty of time to be mostly clear of this. 

Post # 3
Member
3636 posts
Sugar bee

You’re only 30 so I don’t see the mad rush to start trying immediately if you’re not feeling comfortable about it. It’s your body that will he going through the pregnancy so I think you need to feel completely comfortable with the decision about when to start trying. I completely empathize  with all your concerns. 

That said, I think being firm about not trying until at least the end of this year due to Covid is a little extreme. I would just tell him you’re not willing to start trying right now because the pandemic is literally in full force with most of the world essentially in shut down mode, and there is too much uncertainty. Perhaps the compromise is that you agree to reassess in June or something?

Post # 4
Member
4807 posts
Honey bee

Hey, it’s your body.  You get to make that choice.  With the uncertainty in the world, I would have a hard time moving forward with TTC, but if you are ok with the added risk of less than ideal medical care during your pregnancy, go for it.

Post # 5
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

If you are not comfortable TTC, don’t do it. My husband and I got pregnant the first time we tried and I am now 22 weeks along. I am overjoyed to be welcoming a baby girl into our lives, but it’s scary being pregnant in these uncertain times. I had to go to the hospital for one of my scans two weeks ago and have to go back next week. There is currently a COVID-19 outbreak in one of the wards. I am not able to see my family or friends due to social distancing. I have no idea what the state of the world will be when she’s born in August. I would not choose to be pregnant during a pandemic if I was not already.

Post # 8
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee

I’m usually a firm believer of try when you’re “mostly” ready bc you never know what will happen. However, because of Covid-19 I would put off ttc. It’s very possible this will end over the next few months or 1 year and then you can try. Or it could end sooner. But I, personally, wouldn’t be comfortable trying when there is SO much up in the air. 

First of all, health wise, there is a lot going on. But adding pregnancy to it is not fun. I’m 37 weeks pregnant and to be honest this has put a lot of stress on me. As of now, I can only have one person in the delivery room with me. Obviously I chose my husband but some hospital systems aren’t allowing ANY birth support partners. My doctor is also not allowing ANY visitors. My husband is no longer allowed in my doctor’s office. Last week I had a 36 week scan and he couldn’t see the baby. It honestly makes pregnancy way more stressful. 

Second, the delivery of the baby and bringing the baby home are changed massively. All of my family and friends are out of town and booked flights to come see the baby and stay with us and help. My own parents, sister and my best friend all had to cancel their flights. My husband’s mom is no longer driving in. Most likely, we will have to self quarantine for at least one MONTH when the baby is born. This means that we will not be getting any help or assistance from any family. The grandparents won’t even get to meet their grandchild. Not to mention that we are going to have to do a lot of Instacart and Amazon orders. It’s going to be really hard for us to get our essentials and food. 

Third, financially, everything is really scary. Most people in the US have had drastic changes to their jobs or been laid off. My husband is currently talking to his supervisor about not taking any paternity leave and just start working from home the day after the baby is born so he isn’t furloughed. 

Im not trying to be a rain cloud or Debby downer but I just wouldn’t want you to have the same concerns I do. I would wait and chances are, things will get better and you will get to start trying! 

Post # 9
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

Wedding bee seems to have eaten my post?!

Well as someone who is now in their third trimester, to me it depends do you want the perfect pregnancy or do you want a child.

No I can’t have a baby shower, no I can’t have my husband with me after birth, let alone anyone else from my family, no they might not be able to visit straight away after the birth, no I can’t do antenatal classes or yoga. Have I shed some tears over it and some unneeded stress? Of course. 

Am I ready and excited to have this baby, hell yes. If it is me and DH then so be it. We want to start our family and have our baby. If I had the choice again knowing this would happen I would not put it off. 

I guess to me it’s like the people deciding to postpone and have the perfect wedding, or do they want the marriage. 

The only thing to me is the financial implications, will you be able to support a baby with the economic crash that is coming? That is the truly scary part- child or not. 

Also as someone who is your age, healthy etc. it took almost a year of trying to conceive… waiting a year to start trying might mean you’re not actually welcoming a baby into the family for 2 years or more when you take into account 9 months pregnancy as well. You don’t ‘waltz’ into pregnancy.

Post # 9
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

View original reply
milaknot :  the issue isn’t black and white as do you want a perfect pregnancy or not. OP isn’t fussing over baby showers or prenatal classes or yoga. There is a good chance she’ll be high risk, at a time when hospital beds are scarce and you can catch a debilitating virus by standing within 6 feet of someone who isn’t even showing symproms.

OP, I’m side eyeing your husband on this. You’re the one who has to carry the baby. You need to be completely comfortable doing so

Post # 10
Member
3888 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

People definitely get pregnant on the first try….. my husband and I started trying when I was 35.5 and he was 44, and I got pregnant the first month, and now he’s a beautiful 1.5 year old ❤️

At your age, I wouldn’t feel a rush and would probably want to wait and chill for a few months. It’s your body. Do what you want. You deserve to have your first pregnancy in a time when you can see your doctor in person, have your husband present for the ultrasounds when you see the heartbeat for the first time and find out the sex, have him present for birth, have your mom or other visitors come help after birth…..

Post # 11
Member
781 posts
Busy bee

Honestly, not all things are ripe for compromise, and I think this falls into that category. I am 100% on your side on this. I also have rough pregnancies, and my last pregnancy was surprise (identical) twins – which meant high risk, twice weekly monitoring in the third trimester. I am SO thankful I had them at the end of December rather than now. 

Also, why do you guys think the chance of a quick pregnancy is low? It took me 5 months at age 34, then at age 35 I got pregnant 3 cycles in a row (miscarriage, miscarriage, twins). 

I think you shouldn’t be looking for a compromise here so much as figuring out ways to get your husband to understand your concerns. I hope he manages to see your side!!

Post # 12
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

I wouldn’t try to have a child right now either. There are just so many extra stressors and risks. I think you have the right idea about not wanting to use more of the healthcare system’s resources right now. This is not the same thing as continuously putting off having kids just because it’s not the ideal time. This is a pretty unique situation, and imo it’s a bad idea to intentionally get pregnant during a pandemic.

Can you just table this discussion until after things start to calm down? You do not have to have a timeline nailed down right now.

Post # 13
Member
630 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
BuzzedBumblingBee :  And as someone with a high risk pregnancy currently themselves, in the middle of a pandemic, I obviously get the risks and the stressors. 

Just my opinion that this wouldn’t be a reason for me to put off for a whole year with not even a suggestion to review it in a few months when we can see how the situation is developing. People forget you add on 9 months on top of TTC, so earliest she could have a baby would be the end of the year if she got pregnant straight away. 

And yes, she did mention “Can’t have a shower, can’t do anything.” Including her family visiting. 

My personal opinion just as it is her personal choice. And I agree if she doesn’t want to, then her husband need to 100% back that. Although two people make a baby, the majority of the pregnancy and added stress is on her. If she doesn’t feel comfortable than of course wait TTC.

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