Disagreements with sister

posted 6 months ago in Emotional
Post # 45
Member
4031 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@loverandbeloved:  Okay, while I think your sister is being out of line, I do, to a small extent, sympathize with her.

I had a baby in January and with Covid, I didn’t get to see so many family and friends. Nearly six months into her life, some of my very best friends have never even met her. Not being able to see your parents during what is a vulnerable and extremely stressful time is heartbreaking. I commend your parents for being safe. Your sister should be getting vaccinated. Know what will def cause infertility? Dying of Covid. But I digress.

My dad is battling cancer and even though I see my parents every day, my mom is not able to “help out” as much as we would both like her to. It’s just the way things are, can’t be changed. I would NEVER utter such terrible things to my mother like your sister did, but there have been times since my daughter was born that I have privately grieved the lack of care and attention I am missing from my mom. Objectively, I am well aware of the terrible circumstances, but you try telling post partum hormones to be reasonable. 

I am in camp “sister is in the wrong”, but I also refute everyone saying “Well, OP’s sister has the baby and she is solely responsible for caring for it.” Like, yeah, okay. But the phrase “It takes a village” doesn’t exist for shits and giggles. People need a steady support system. It doesn’t appear your sister would recognize a healthy support system if it bopped her in the head, but I can’t imagine having zero support in the first few weeks of having a baby. I was barely holding it together and the few minutes a day my mom was able to spare were a heaven sent. 

At this point, she’s trying to prove to your parents how hurt she is, but they were hurting, too. Is it possible she is suffering from PPA or PPD or even PP rage? Is she in a position to accept help? It also does not appear that she has a supporitve partner in this parenting journey. Having a partner who is not a help is worse than doing it on your own, in my opinion. 

Post # 46
Member
4031 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

Posted complaining my post was deleted and it randomly showed up. Dang this site is glitchy as hell lately. 

  • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by MrsMeowton.
Post # 47
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

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@loverandbeloved:  

Okay, I stopped reading when your sister was insistent you visit your niece for insane amounts of time.

It almost sounds to me like your sister thinks on some level this baby is not only her responsibility, but the responsibility of the rest of the family as well? 

I can’t understand why someone would think others would want to see their child as frequently as she’s expecting you to visit. I’m an aunt and adore my nieces and nephews, but at the end of the day they’re not my kids. I can’t be with them for hours a day, every day- nor would I want to. That might sound heartless, I would do anything for them! But I just think your sister needs to realize that while this baby might be the center of HER world, that’s not the case with everyone else.

Post # 48
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

This whole thing really is alarming.  IF, and only IF, you think you can communicate your concerns regarding her mental health to her doctor and/or pediatrician WITHOUT them disclosing your conversation, I’d give them a call.  Stress that they absolutely do NOT tell her you called.  I fear for the baby.  Your sister sounds pretty unstable right now and her boyfriend is of no use whatsoever.  

Post # 49
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 1996

Dear loverandbeloved:

I just read this whole sad thread.   Your parents’ expectations of you in regard to your sister may be culturally based, but are nevertheless simply totally unreasonable, and it is extremely obvious that your parents have done neither you nor your sister any favors in raising their children with these beliefs.  You are just as precious as your sister, and I am so sorry that you were not raised to believe that.  

I wish you the best of luck in therapy.  I also hope that your sister gets help, since she probably needs it even more.

Post # 50
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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@loverandbeloved:  I say do everything you can to get your sister to a doctor and do it quickly……. I’m not a medical professional, but your sister’s behavior sounds a lot like someone I knew who started acting this way after she had a baby. She saw a doctor and it turned out to be a matter of postpartum depression and stress and with some medication and counseling things worked out in time. 

Maybe your sister doesn’t have postpartum depression and medically she’s fine but let a doctor tell her that.  Hopefully a doctor will also tell her that there is no evidence are the vaccinations causing infertility.

Hopefully the situation with your sister will work itself out in time but the meantime I hope she sees a doctor and brings up questions about postpartum depression. 

In the meantime do what you need to do what you need to to take care of yourself. 

Post # 51
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2022 - City, State

Wow, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Family issues can be really hard.  It sounds to me your sister feels really overwhelmed and alone (maybe some post partum?).  Even if that is the case, you can only nudge her in the right direction, it is for her to want to be better.  Maybe let things cool off for a bit and then send an email or something about how you love her and hee child but it isn’t for you to put their needs over your own.  And that you make the time you do because you care and it was hurtful to be told that you don’t (among the other things).  And if she feels overwhelmed she should stop rejecting help and support from.your parents.  And even if she is upset, being this upset isn’t good for parenting and her needs are secondary to the baby’s and her child deserves a relationship with their grandparents. 

Post # 52
Member
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2021

don’t leave her, but don’t let her walk all over you. Continue to live  your life, show up when you want to as a helping hand – let her whine and complain but don’t entertain it. Just nicely ask if she’s done ranting and than continue helping her.

 

She’s immature so she’s not going to udberstand on her own that she’s immature. By leaving her she’s not going to wake up, jsut grow more resentful. My suggestion is to just be the nature one in the situation but to continue living your life without feeling like you owe her.

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