(Closed) Disappointed about the e-ring

posted 5 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@SY:  I’m more weirded out by the fact that after a only dating for 1 Month he wanted to “take you off the market”. What a weird way to put it. 

 

How well do you know your FI? I’m not saying you shouldn’t get married but I would have a long engagement – give you both time to get to know each other. Also I would have a conversation about money before getting married – it seems like money is such a common reason for people to break up over, and if there’s a disparity in your earnings then you should both know where you stand

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You don’t sound very happy or excited to be engaged to this man, regardless of the ring/proposal. If you aren’t convinced he is the right person for you, then maybe don’t go ahead with the marriage right now?

Post # 8
Member
799 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@SY: ah so maybe not, im not sure what the exchange rate is then

Post # 9
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

I agree you don’t sound very excited to be marrying this man, and his lack of preparation and romantic proposal sounds the same. I don’t know you or your Fiance but something doesn’t sound quite right to me I’m afraid.

Make sure you really know him well before you exchange vows.

Post # 11
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

@SY:  By UK standards a £1.5k ring is pretty ‘normal’ – is he a flashy guy? has he been influenced by British standards? Because us Brits don’t like to ‘show the wealth’ if you know what I mean.

Although I do agree, you don’t seem to be thrilled to be marrying this man. It sounds as though on paper, he’s the right guy for you. But is that enough? You mention you have a child – is age playing a part in this? Like, you’re x years old and need a man with x amount of money and x values – and he fits, so you’ll marry him.

You seem more fixated on the fact that he’s being cheap – love should be the reason you marry someone, not money.

Post # 12
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

LOVE is very important for a successful marriage for sure

But as someone who has been married before, I would say EQUALLY SO are having common values

Obviously reading your post I see that the two of you have quite different ideas about money

It seems to me that you’d prefer to save up a bit to buy the dress or shoes you like, because you know they are of good quality (so by extension not as faddy, and will last longer)

On the otherhand it sounds like he is the type of guy who buys what he needs when he needs it without a whole lot of thought about the future… if he buys cheap shoes now… so be it if he needs another pair at the end of the season

You spend more now, he spends less now… but maybe the same or more overall because he has to buy again.

He sees your way as being extravagant, perhaps showy… and you see his as being cheap, and common

Interesting you both probably see the other of not being very mindful of the future and what is needed to get there (he sees you as wasteful, you see him as ill prepared)

I am an Encore Bride and over 50… so I have perhaps a bit of insight into how your views on money probably have shaped your way of thinking (such as concerns for the welfare of both yourself and your child)

This man may be intelligent, kind and match up with you in many other regards… but MONEY is a BIG ONE (as stated by another Bee it is large cause of marital strife & divorce)

Personally as I too am a gal who likes nice things, and quality over quantity… just how I was raised, and how I view the world… be it clothes, furniture, cars, etc.

So buying me a cheaper diamond wouldn’t fly

Especially so if you went shopping together and pointed out what it was you wanted… his best reply in this situation would have been…

“I have learned much from our visit to the Jewellery Store… obviously I knew less about Diamonds and Ladies Jewellery than I thought.  I will need more time to consider the options”

 

And then he would have done some more research, saved some more money… and Proposed with a ring you had chosen at a later date…

OR he would have done some more research… and found a better way to make his money go further (not shop at the first store he went into)

OR… come back to you after his research and the two of you would have gone out window shopping again trying to find a common ground between in the wide expanse between $ 2 K and a 0.25 Diamond and the $ 6 K 0.50 Diamond.

Instead, as you say, it does seem as if he jumped ahead and just bought something to complete the transaction (of getting Engaged)

So YES, I can see where you are upset.  And I would be to, because it isn’t the ring you wanted, or the Proposal either.

Personally, if you can live with the ring and LOVE the man, then I’d go for a long drawn out Engagement so you can better sort out these very important differences in your lifestyles.

OR, if you cannot… then I’d give him back the ring, break it off… and tell him that it has become apparent that altho he is a wonderful man, that a marriage takes a lot more than two people who get along (that is called a room-mate). 

Without the LOVE SPARK it ain’t gonna be the best marriage ever… even if he got you a great ring.  (And I don’t hear a LOVE SPARK in your post anywhere).  When you get Engaged you are BOTH meant to be over the moon… and I don’t see that on either of your behalf.

And that makes me sad.

You DESERVE better than this… you sound like a wonderful woman (and a Mom).

You can do better, and you will.

Don’t feel you have to settle… especially not if it comes down to age.  I myself am over 50, and LOVE found me and I couldn’t be happier.

It will happen…

Lol, infact LOVE is an incredible thing it finds people every day the world over, no matter their age… I count my blessings at finding it again in my late 40s, but in all honestly I have discovered that it can happen to people just as easily in their 50s, 60s, 70s, and even 80s and beyond.

Hope this helps,

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 15
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

@SY:  Do you think if he loved you more, he would have spent more money on you?

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