- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2015
Hi – I am new here and just wanted to check if I am being paranoid…
I met my Fiance only 5 months ago, but from the month we started the relationship, he kept saying he is madly in love with me that he wanted to ‘take me out of the market’. He is from a different cultural background than I am, a white collar and makes a decent living.
He kept going on about a ring for maybe 4 months and recently took me to jewellers in a mall and pointed around the rings asking what I think about them (and those were around $2k) and asked which ones I like. I showed solitaire princess cut half a carat diamond on a simple platinum setting (about 6k) and we went in to try. We asked the sales girl to show us the ones he pointed and the one I shown. Awkward moment came when after I tried the one I selected, he asked the price and then he asked me to try the smaller ones. I could sense he would rather spend less so I asked for similar size/price diamond platinum/gold rings to put them a row and compare. I finally left him with 4 rings to chose from (including very simple platinum band with no stones) but the one I chose didn’t get into that bunch. I said I would leave the store and he would have to decide. He gave me the ring home same day, and it was 0.25 carat diamond on a platinum setting, costing $2.3k. I did not play excited, have smiled and took it.
What bothers me is that we went in the first shop he could find, I could tell he didn’t do a research, and the whole buying process was like buying a cheap shoe and the proposal wasn’t romantic at all. I didn’t feel he was buying once in a lifetime gift. And he could have comfortably afforded a much larger stone though I would be happy with half a carat. It feels so materialistic when I think about the cost relfecting his love and commitment, because it is a symbol and cost does not matter. But I do ask myself why he couldn’s spend more time and put more thought and since could afford more, did not chose or think about purchasing the best piece he could get?
I am a maximalist and if I were to buy even the smallest gift I try it is the best I can get, that it has a story to tell, and that I purchase it with love. I just didn’t feel this was the same from his side.
The ring thing is part of the story. On the background, I just keep noticing his actions that could be signalling he is being cheap, though there are many other actions that don’t fit (he buys long-haul flight tickets for me to visit him – probably more than the cost of the ring! but the flights are economy whereas he normally flies business)…I am not mad about jewellery (I wear fake pearls on a silver stud, or circonia studs all year round, no other stuff and no watch) and actually feel bad about having doubts about his love and him being cheap because of this story, but I can’t get rid of this feeling, I just keep thinking about it and finding more and more of his actions that confirm this horrible feeling…
sorry for long text…but has one one else had similar experience?