(Closed) Disappointed by Declines

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

I haven’t sent out my invitations yet, but I know with the poor economy and about one-third of the guests travelling from overseas, that I’m going to get a lot of declines.  I know it’s not the best way of thinking about your wedding, but it’s realistic.

Was there a place on the RSVP card to explain why they can’t attend?  I’m guessing that’s not really etiquette-friendly, but then they don’t have to give you an explanation.  When are the RSVPs due?  You may be pleasantly surprised when the date passes.

I don’t think it’s because they don’t love you.  I’m sure they want to be there, but extenuating circumstances prevent it.  I’m hoping you feel better from your bad day, and lots of hugs!

Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Its ok to feel disappointed, and to take it personally. It’s a very personal day. My grandparents won’t be coming and my FI’s godparents won’t either. And to be honest we are both hurt by it, mostly because there was no explination. My advice is to take it in be disappointed for a moment then let it go, know that the people who will be there love you and are excited to be there. Chin up it’s going to be the best day no matter what!

Post # 5
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Aw. I’m sorry.  I’m kind of prepping myself up for this as well. We’ll be sending out about 200 invites also and I really only think about 100 or so will show up.

The other thing is I noticed your are in NC but your wedding is in Upstate NY. That is going to play a huge part too. People not only have to find time to make it but also airfare and hotel stay. Anyway, cheer up. People keep telling us that the people who matter will make it there. But I understand how you feel, I wish everyone (well most) we invite can make it!

Post # 6
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I totally understand how you feel.  We got several really unexpected declines too, and since we’re having a small, mostly local guest wedding, it was that much more hurtful because I know they don’t have the travel considerations of the long-distance guests.  I too received my declines with no reason, or a really really lame excuse (and I don’t know which is worse, really).  In our case, it was basically a reality check that even though we chose to only invite the people who were truly special in our lives, that doesn’t mean those people see our wedding as a momentous honour to which they’ll want to attend.  That being said, the other ladies are right–the people who ARE coming will be very happy for you and glad to be there, I know!Hopefull yyou can re-negotiate with your venue regarding the costs, by spending the same amount but differently.  For example, if your venue is a hotel with a spa, you could ask them wheather you could book a couple of spa appointments for you and your mum or you and your bridemaids and count that as part of your wedding package.  Or, stay a few days and have your minimoon there.  Or, have your rehearsal dinner there too.  I know it isn’t fun to do but you should be able to re-negotiate the expenses so that even if you can’t save money as a result of your reduced guest list, you can spend it in ways that will still make you happy!  **Hugs**

Post # 8
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Aw, *big hugs* It sucks to find out your big day co-incides with a major even like college graduations! My only living grandparent on my Dad’s side of the family is one of my declines, so I feel for ya!

Post # 9
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

A lot of my friends declined coming to my wedding (next weekend!). I was pretty disappointed too, espeically since we had a $$ minimun to meet on the room and we had figured out we needed 150 people to attend to reach it. We have 146 attending. There were many people who  I thought would come who are not, but just as many who I thought would not come who are!

I have to say though, it does seem odd to me that your Fiance grandparents aren’t coming? Really? Do they have something better going on that weekend?

Post # 11
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Lauren, are their any guests coming that you didn’t invite with a date? Maybe you can call them and say, we have room if you want to bring a guest?  I have a few people on a "C". These people are friends of friends that are in the area, but I really can’t invite but are a lot of fun to hang out with.  One girl who is a friend of one of my bridesmaids volunteered to be a last minute seat filler if needed!  She had 19 people not show up to her own wedding, so she understands the horrible predicament of paying for empty seats!

Just an option.  Put your bridesmaids on seat filling duties. 

 

Post # 12
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I second yogigals advice!! Forgot to say about that we had invited over 200 people. I went to our B-list very soon after sending out invitations because we got a lot of declines right away. My FI’s dad came to me with 5 late invites (2 week after invites were sent out). normally I would have been upset because I had been asking for a guest list for several months, but it turned out to be a blessing becuase most of them RSVPd yes!

I allowed everyone to bring a date and their kids to try to meet our minimum. We came short by 4 as well, but our reception site has been understanding and are not making us pay the difference. 

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