@kate87: well if he was having a bad day then it was definitely an on-going pandemic for doctors lol…..both pregnancies I’ve had have resulted in the same miserable appointment you described. And I got a telling off for my multipe tests lol. Like it’s his money buying them?! Pfft. This time round I told myself that as he was only my GP and wouldnt be doing my ante-natal care, it didnt matter, what mattered was my first midwife appointment, that would be the positive, life affirming one lol.
Yeah. My arse. lol! The midwife was even worse! She didnt turn her chair away from the computer screen where she was filling in my details the entire time. No eye contact. Nothing. Going through a painful personal medical history as well as a family history requires, in my opinion, a modicum of sensitivity, and, oh i dont know, EYE CONTACT? But no! She chose where I would be giving birth without even asking me (luckily I can change it but didnt realise at the time) and eventually, at the end of the appointment, grudgingly asked me if I had any questions. Still staring at the screen. I went quiet because I was struggling not to cry at this point, and I guess the silence startled her because she turned to me, and I said that following our previous miscarriage I was just terrified, truly, out of breath, heart palpitations terrified, and I was just desperate to get to the 12 week stage where hopefully the threat of MC falls.
”Foetuses die at anytime, not just before 12 weeks.”
And that was that.
I left in tears. Luckily, she’s been away (she’s a community midwife so deals with not just my local area but the surrounding areas too) and for my past 3 appointments I’ve had other midwives who have been truly amazing and reaffirmed my faith in midwifery lol. Sadly, she’s back now….but I bring my husband to all my appointments if we can manage it so I dont have to face the beast by myself.
I’m so sorry I’m not offering you any advice or anything, I just wanted to share my story too that doctors etc can be shitty, and insensitive and sometimes downright…horrible. Yup, I said it. For a woman, a young woman who’d had a previous loss and who was terrified, I just think her behaviour was out of order. But there are also ones who maybe arent hideously over-stretched, or tired, or just more understanding and empathic, and I truly hope that you have a better experience for your next appointment 🙂
Also, huge congratulations for your pregnancy! I’m sending you positive thoughts and positive ante-natal care ha ha x