(Closed) Disappointed by the lack of family support/enthusiasm

posted 8 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It is your life and your wedding.  I would go on with it however you see fit.  If someone does not want to be apart of the celebration, that is their decision. 

I don’t think i’d go over the top and register for another set of china but a few things that would help you get started is fair.

Post # 4
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Like you, I was very young the first time I got married, and had a big splash wedding, which was planned by my mom. I felt that it was more for her, than it was for me. It took me more than 20 years to find my true soul-mate and I want to celebrate this amazing event. I am not throwing a huge platinum wedding, but I am having a real wedding and reception and all the bells and whistles that will make it  truly special and memorable for my Fiance and I. This is YOUR day, you are not a kid who has to answer to anyone but yourself and your fiance, so you can do whatever you want.

Post # 5
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is my first wedding but it is VERY dissapointing. I feel a lot of people aren’t taking us seriously. Sometimes I think my Fiance isn’t even taking me serious. We’ve been engaged for about three months now and only two or three people in his family have congratulated us. And no one (not even his mother) has asked about the planning or asked to help. It’s so disappointing. 

Post # 6
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Wow. I’m sorry to say it, but some of your family members SUCK! I would just smile and tell them something cheesy like you really want to celebrate your love with your family and are glad that most people are happy to celebrate YOUR wedding with YOU.

I’ll let you in on a secret. My brother is on his 3rd marriage. My mom is on her 4th. I am planning my FIRST. EVERY wedding I have gone to I have been nothing but supportive and happy regardless of other emotions I felt (left out, jealous, resentful). That is what someone who supports you 100% does.

I am sorry certain people are being sh$%#y to you. I have members in my family who won’t be coming to MY FIRST AND ONLY WEDDING because they don’t support my relationship. You know what? It’s too bad that some people’s narrow world view doesn’t include this new love of yours. Who cares if it’s your second marriage? Who cares if it’s your 5th? Who cares if you’re marrying someone who’s a different race, religion, culture, or the same gender as you? Who cares if you want a small wedding, or a big wedding, or no wedding, or going down to the Justice of the Peace. IT’S YOUR WEDDING!

Life is funny. We only live once and we have to make the best of it. Don’t let other people’s “stress” over SOMEONE ELSE’S WEDDING (SERIOUSLY, THEY are stressed out???) ruin your day or any of the excitement of your planning and making this special. GIFT REGISTRY IT UP!!! If more people could just be happy for each other (or at least ignore the devil on their shoulder) the world would be a better place.

Post # 7
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Try not to let it get you down.  The people who come to your wedding will have a great time!  And more importantly, you & your new husband should have a good time at a wedding that reflects what you two want!  Best wishes from another encore bride.  Cool

Post # 9
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

mine will be final in a few weeks after a 2 yr. battle

im going to be in the suck department because i dont feel i could get excited about someone planning their wedding if they arent even divorced yet – im sorry, i totally suck, there it is

but to those that know you, have seen what you have been thru i hope they will start being happy for your sooner than later – goodluck!!!

 

Post # 10
Member
2100 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I have some good news 🙂

When we mentioned that we were getting married after both going through painful divorces (and like yours his is not completely final) then we got a lot of negative feedback from friends and family

The suggestion was that we slink off and get married quietly.

We feel joy at our life and are celebrating it with a small (70ppl) but extremely elegant wedding

Guess what – everyone is excited for us now, all the negativity has gone away

Everyone wants to know the details and be part of our special day

So maybe we are more sensitive since we are doing this for a second time – maybe first time brides experience that initial ummmm what why how are you sure

Good news is that your happiness is contageous!!!

Post # 11
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think weddings are sometimes a hurtful time because we expect our families to be loving and supportive, and often people’s true colors are revealed in the process.

I was going to have two maid of honors, my sisters.

After telling me they hated the bridesmaid dresses and kicking up their heels about the silliest stuff (They were even mad that I’m having a summer wedding because they both want to go on vacation over the summer and now they can’t take time off from work for both my wedding and a Disney World vacation. I let them know a year in advance of our wedding date!), they both wrote me off completely because of the fact that I refused to bully my younger cousin for getting pregnant outside of wedlock and because I have a relationship with our mom, whom they hate. 

They now refuse to call me their sister and will not speak to me. My nieces and nephews are no longer allowed to talk to me, and they’ve been trying to spread lies to all our family and friends about me. 

For no reason other than cattiness and hatefulness. 

So the next time you feel bad about people not showing tons of support, think of how bad it could be. There are so many families like mine that are split up and divided over pettiness. 

Post # 12
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@Lilacgirl:  First of all congratulations and welcome to WB!  I think those who feel stressed out having to go to your wedding, are probably stressed out going to any wedding, or event that causes somebody to have to a)plan b)spend any amount of money.  You just get some people who will complain about anything.

I have to also admit, I have met a few women who weren’t thrilled for me getting married and I honestly think it could be b/c they personally weren’t happy within.  I know I had a good friend who suddenly didn’t come to the wedding, “forgot” to rsvp, and this was after I got her hotel reservation for her.  We see often here sometimes really good friends or relatives suddenly want to rain on the parade of their friend who is suddenly a bride.  Some say it’s jealousy.  I don’t think so.  I think sometimes people are afraid of change, and maybe seeing those close to them get married IS a change.  Just my .02.  

As far as the big thing/issue we had to dodge?  By far it was other peoples’ vacations.  We were marrying in the summer, so most of my friends (hey, I’m 41) are parents and have that family vacation every year.  

But I always had smaller ones with my child (usually less than a week) because I couldn’t afford much, but when it came time for our wedding, while everybody was 100 percent supportive and excited for us, we had to work around the family calendars of everybody else.  Yea, I got from a few friends “could you NOT have it on say, May 31 because we’re gong to be in hawaii.”  Like we’re supposed to plan our special day around everybody else.  We also had to dodge the back to school schedules for our kids and for the kids’ of our close friends coming in from out of town.  Our calendar looked totally insane.  I’d block out so and so’s vacation, my bff’s kids’ going back to school, when my son would go back to school, and lo and behold, after crossing out so many weekends in the summer, we found one that worked.

But it still was a huge hassle. 

Such is life, and I bet most first time brides go through some similar stress too.

Hugs to you,  it will all get better.  Breathe, relax, you’re among friends here 🙂 

 

Post # 13
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Family drama is annoying! I’m sorry yours is asking questions like that. If they have questions, it’s understandable, but once they realize what you want, they should be happy and go along with it. (Unless there is some money issue that needs to be discussed).

My fiance’s family doesn’t really care at all. I have to squeeze information out of them and I feel guilty when I even talk about the wedding. At first, I was giving them their space since they had two new grand children… but now I don’t get it. Do they not want us to get married?

The good thing about family drama is you can think about your future with your spouse and block out the negativity!

Post # 14
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m with bellagio when she said your family sucks! No offense!

My Fiance and I both are encores…my 2nd, his 3rd. My biggest worry was his mom…long story but basically when she found out we were dating she was NOT happy. She let him know she had no interest in getting to know me…blah blah blah. Now…3 years later…she is VERY supportive of us and our marriage. I know she simply needed time to get to know me and to see how happy he and I are together. I do have a son that is not happy about it but you know what??? I really don’t care. I know that’s sounds horrible but he is 27 years old and for whatever reason (all the lies his father has told him about the divorce) he blames me for “walking out” on his dad and breaking his heart. I am sorry he feels that way but I cannot put my life on hold for someone else. i hope that one day he will be able to look at things objectively, like my other 2 kids have, and be happy for us. If we have other family members or friends who aren’t happy…oh well! That’s their problem. I am happy and I am going to live my life to reflect that happiness. And yes…that means having a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Interestingly enough, this post is so similar to my very own that I posted on another forum just today.

In my experience thus far, Fiance and I have received very little love and support from either of our families regarding our upcoming wedding. My parents offered to pitch in a little money, his parents offered to buy the cake (this is his first), but I, too, feel guilty even talking about wedding related things around my own  mom, sister, dad, and FI’s family. Any time I have brought wedding stuff up, my family clearly wants me to tone it down and his family clearly wants us to have a bigger, hometown wedding because it is his first. I cannot be too excited and upbeat about it around my fam, because they are the opposite, and I cannot share too many details with his family because they wish we were doing things their way. There is simply to way to accomodate everyone. My current solution has been to not talk about the wedding to either family beyond the barest of detailes, but to instead share my thoughts and excitement with my close friends who are being so happy and supportive. 

It is my goal to have an honest and happy celebration of marriage on our wedding day while we are surrounded by the friends that love and support us, as well as the family that we wish would be more enthusiastic. It is also our goal to graciously accept the monetary help our families have offered, but to ask for no more than they have already given us, financially or emotionally.

Post # 16
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This will be my second wedding.  I married young at 19 and we just grew apart.  It was never anything ugly we were just too young.  I am now 32 and my fiancé is 34 and it will be his first marriage.  With that being said we wanted a wedding –  for one – to celebrate us and – two – b/c he never had a wedding so why should he be punished b/c I had already had a wedding?  When we told my family we wanted a wedding it was a little weird.  My mom is supportive, but she is very distant to all of the wedding planning.  While I find it a little hurtful I know it’s just how she is.  I know she thinks it’s weird that I am having another full blown wedding, but it’s what WE want.  I’m sorry you are going through this too.  It sure would be nice if family was supportive and enthusiastic about it…..

With all of that said – I think it’s important to push all of the negativity aside and focus on the most amazing and upcoming wedding.  : )  Focus all of your energy on the positive and soon you’ll notice the negative issues will subside.  This is supposed to be a happy time in your life so make it happy!  Attitude and outlook is everything!  Don’t let others bring you down.

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