(Closed) Disappointed in FI–am I overreacting?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Should I have another talk with him or let it go?
    talk to him again : (38 votes)
    54 %
    let it go : (32 votes)
    46 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    9627 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    i’d say press the issue, as the ceremony is the whole POINT of the day, to me skipping the ceremony and going to the reception is rude

    Post # 4
    Member
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think your feelings are totally justified here. Regardless of how you feel about their future spouse, a sibling’s wedding is a huge important family event.

    Have you tried to sit him down and tell him how important his presence is to you? I also think you should help him understand how this may negatively impact his relationship with the rest of your family (his future ILs). I don’t think you’d be out of line at all for insisting that he attend because it’s important to you and your family. So what if he’s a little uncomfortable, we all sometimes do things we don’t enjoy for the person we love.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    Talk to him again about how important the ceremony is to you, and how important it is in your culture (if you are from different cultures, maybe he doesn’t realize how much this means to your family?).  I would also be disappointed and probably frustrated if my Fiance were trying to slink away from something that means so much to myself and my family, especially when he will be a part of my family in the future.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I think it’s very hard to be in the middle of things and I wouldn’t press the issue TOO hard, because you are basically asking your fiance to place your “comfort” level (i.e. what will other people think of him when he shows up just for the reception) above his own comfort level, and that is a very difficult decision to force on someone.  And in the grand scheme of things, it;’s a choice between not giving Aunt Martha something to gossip about in exchange for having an unhappy man standing there for the ceremony.

    I would explain to him that it is important to you for him to attend the ceremony but also acknowledge his feelings, and let him decide. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    5221 posts
    Bee Keeper

    It would piss me off but… Is there a reason he would be uncomfortable? You mentioned in your culture that the ceremony is elaborate– do you think that it is the cultural differences making him uncomfortable?

    Post # 9
    Member
    2781 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I wouldn’t press the issue, even he he would attend the ceremony, he may resent you afterwards, and during, you don’t want that.  While I agree the people who just attend the reception are rude, many people do this, your Fiance has to work, I’m sure your family will understand.

    Post # 10
    Member
    570 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    This is tough… I do agree that a ceremony is a huge part of the day (and the “meat and potatoes” of it all!!). It seems like he’d rather be there for that and then not have to deal with socializing with your Future Sister-In-Law instead of the other way around, does he get along with the rest of your family?  I think you need to really decide if it bothers you, and if this is something that you want to push. If it’s something that will cause a family rift, then push it. If it’ll just be a blip on the radar and nobody will care/will understand that he is getting out of work as early as possible but unfortunately he didn’t make it in time for the ceremony, then go with what he can live with.

    Post # 11
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    while the ceremony is the most important thing I also feel like its awkward to be at a ceremony where you do not support the marriage. I wouldnt want people at my wedding who did not like me or support my marriage. Even if it was family.  I know ill be in the minority here. although I probably would not go to the reception either if this was the case. But I can see where your Fiance probably does not think this is a worthy reason to miss work at all if he does not even like the idea of being at the wedding in general, including the reception. its up to you if you are going to push the issue but personally I wouldn’t. But again I seem to be in the minority

    Post # 13
    Member
    6021 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2017

    also your feelings on this are equal to his so he has every right to act accordingly while still trying to be respectful of how you feel. I think a comprimise has already been made in regards to this. His reason is also due to work which isn’t just him choosing not to go to the ceremony just because he doesn’t feel like it. More and more I feel like this should be left alone. I do hope you guys find a resolution though 🙂 good luck.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @Tiffmorris Co-sign!

    Relationships are about compromise.  I would not press the issue and just appreciate the fact that he will be there for the latter part.

    I do sympathize with you though since he will be missing the most special and meaningful part. Hugs!

    Post # 15
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    @violet25:  Based on what you said, especially about your parents not minding, I would talk to him one more time (non-confrontationally) and let him know how much you’d like him to be there, but if he refuses again, let it go.  Work is a pretty good excuse in case anyone wonders where he is!

    Post # 16
    Member
    2106 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    If I were your Future Sister-In-Law, I would rather someone not come at all than skip the ceremony and come for the reception.  It’s incredibly rude to skip the whole marriage part of the wedding and only come for the reception/party. 

     

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