- 10 years ago
- Wedding: November 2010
Or maybe I should say ex-friends… who knows?
This is kind of a vent and I’m sorry it’s so long…
Fiance and I are/were friends with a married couple (let’s call them the Cs). I was Mrs C’s maid of honour (which was a big surprise) for her wedding two years ago. Since then they have moved interstate and have started a very successful wedding photography business. They’ve also changed somewhat–started dressing in designer gear and becoming extremely socially networked (ie on their iphones all the time).
When Fiance and I got engaged, they were delighted and postponed their trip to Europe so that they could attend our wedding. They’ve since shortened their trip for another friend’s wedding, but I think they’re being the official photographers there.
We asked them to recommend some local photographers for us… this was partly because i) they lived interestate and ii) we didn’t really love their style of photography (they’re really good–just not our cup of tea). This they did and we selected one of the photographers after absolutely loving his style and his personality. We thanked our friends and let our photographer (Mr P) know that the Cs had referred him The Cs are hugely reliant on networking for their business so we thought we’d help them strengthen their bonds.
Then things started getting weird.
Mr P won a pretty big award for his photography. The Cs were on his website congratulating him straight away.
Soon after, Mr C contacted Fiance and asked if Mrs C could replace Mr P’s normal assistant for our wedding. We didn’t want to lose Mr P’s style (which we assume is partially due to his assistant), so we thought–if they’re all friends, maybe Mrs C could go in as a second assistant…
We phoned up Mr P to ask him if he’d take on a second assistant and found out that the Cs had already asked him whether they could be the assistant, without asking us first. 🙁 They also gave him the impression that we were okay with it, and that he’d be doing us a favour by letting them replace his assistant. So that was the beginnign of the weirdness. Mr P hadn’t yet responded to them, but was open to the idea of Mrs C being second assistant.
We told Mr C about the ‘second assistant plan’ and he flatly said no, it was either Mrs C = only assistant or they wouldn’t be involved at all. Which was again weird, seeing as we were the ones who should be calling the shots here! So we said no, we’d prefer to keep Mr P’s services as is.
Cue gentle harassment from Mr C, saying that Mr P’s assistant had no idea what they were doing, that Mrs C could offer a better ‘package’ and that in fact, Mr P didn’t really have a specific style and just relied on photoshop. Eh? Then why did they recommend Mr P to us?
Anyway, just before this began, Mrs C was matron of honour for a mutual friend (J)… Fiance contacted J to ask her what she thought. It turned out that they’d pulled the same thing on J, trying to become the assistant to her photographer without first asking J’s permission. Note that J’s photographer was the top photographer in our state at the time.
When the Cs talked to J, they told her that her photographer was perfectly okay with the replacement… but when J asked her photographer, she actually wasn’t happy about it and had only said okay because the Cs had insisted that it was J’s wishes to include them. !!
But that wasn’t the most disappointing part–as one of his selling points, Mr C said that J’s wedding photographs had turned out “crap”. I’ve seen the photos… the problem is not with the photographer, the problem is that J is not smiling (she looks terrified–she looked that way for her entire wedding, not just photos), and I’d say it’s probably more her bridesmaids’ job to help her ease her nerves. In the photos, J looks scared and Mrs C looks obliviously happy (she loves being photographed). So I think blaming the photographer for his wife’s lack of support for J is really underhanded… not to mention using our friend’s unfortunate experience as a selling point!
Anyway, we ended up saying a firm ‘no’, at which point Mrs C wrote me an email telling me that she’d only wanted to help me out at my wedding and that she thought her presence would help relax me (didn’t work for J!) and that’s all she’d been thinking when she’d asked us about the assistant thing. Then she wrote in the same email that she was disappointed, but over it.
I wrote back an email saying I was sorry, and let her know that my sister (who is my only bridesmaid) would be enough to relax me, and joked that maybe they could help out by washing my dad’s car (it’s a running joke that I’m going to get all my friends to do menial tasks on the day). No response, but I didn’t really expect one.
Anyway, a week or so passed and I thought I’d try to contact Mrs C to make sure things were okay.. I wrote an email not really mentioning wedding stuff and asked her how she was going and how the photography was going… she replied after a week, very apologetically, saying she’d been busy. I wrote back, and no response.
Since then, another friend has gotten engaged and has chosen them to be her photographers (and I suspect also has chosen Mrs C to be her bridesmaid)… she’s getting lots of accolades and buddy-buddy messages from Mrs C on her facebook wall, while I get no comments in response to my wedding-related posts.
I invited Mrs C to my hen’s and she responded that she was busy that weekend but that she would have LOVED to come… I let her know that she’d been mistaken about the date (the weekend she was busy was actually FI’s bucks, which Mr C is attending) and that my hen’s was actually on a different weekend, so she could still come if she wasn’t busy. No response and it’s been a week.
Anyway, that’s where it is at the moment.
I guess what I’d like to know is what your response would have been to this situation.. was it unfair of me to say no, because they’d postponed their trip and I’d been their Maid/Matron of Honor previously?
Is it okay that I am disappointed in the way they went about things?
I’m also wondering whether she’s signalling that she’s still miffed, or whether I’m reading too much into her behaviour.
But most of all, thank you for letting me vent. 🙂