(Closed) Disappointed in MOH

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3769 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

It does sound like things have turned into a one way street.  How were things between you before?  Maybe she feels like you have been pressuring her into doing everything together and helping each other out, since you mentioned she is less into DIY projects than you.  It’s pretty unfair of her to accept all your help without offering anything in return, but maybe she was just going along with you in the first place.  I would stop trying so often to do things with her.. maybe turn to some of your other bridesmaids for help on your projects.

Post # 4
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

First off, I know you are excited about all your projects, and it is very nice of you to keep offering to help her with hers, but she certainly isn’t required to be assisting in DIY projects as part of her Maid/Matron of Honor duties.  I would back off a little with bringing it up.  She’ll offer and make it happen if she’s interested. 

Secondly, I assume you knew when you asked her to be Maid/Matron of Honor that she had an upcoming wedding too.  As you said, hers is before yours, so she’s probably very busy doing her own planning (even if it doesn’t involve as many DIY projects.)  I would try and be a little more cognizant of this, especially as your wedding is still 7 months away. 

Post # 5
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand why you’re disappointed, but if she genuinely is not interested in “wedding stuff” you can’t expect her to go through the motions.  Have you tried talking to her about it?  Maybe she doesn’t realize how she’s coming across.  It might be a good idea to have a girl’s lunch and NOT talk about anything wedding related- just to make sure your friendship stays on track.

Post # 6
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

She’s probably at that stage where the wedding planning is more of a chore than fun (you’re not there yet) and maybe the DIY stuff is getting to her.

I’d back off and not bring up any projects.

Technically, she doesn’t have to help you with anything although it’s certainly nice when a Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man offers to.

I agree about getting together with her and making it a “wedding-free” time.

Post # 7
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You said she’s not much of a DIY person.  So whereas you find helping her with her wedding projects fun, she probably views it as a chore.  In fact, she may have done more DIY projects because you “encouraged” it so much.  She may be totally burned out on them.  Look to your other bridesmaids for help with those and you probably just need to accept that even though you have helped with hers, you have done so because you enjoy doing that stuff.  Hopefully one of your other BMs enjoys it as much as you and can be your go-to girl for projects. 

Post # 8
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Since she is getting married sooner than you, she may be overwhelmed with wedding things. Asking her to pick up your slack when she wasn’t a DYI kind of girl to begin with is expecting too much. I know you’d prefer for her to be there with you, but dont hold it over on her. And stop offering to help her out! She’ll ask if she needs you.

Post # 9
Member
3141 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

this is one of those cases where your expectations are getting in your own way. just because you do something for someone, you shouldn’t expect they will do the same for you. as a pretty naive girl growing up, it took me a long time to realize that everyone has their own motivations and priorities. she’s been pretty clear that she’s not interested in these details, so i would say focus on your wedding and help with hers when asked and IF you can.

Post # 10
Member
6825 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I have to agree with some of the PP, she is probably burnt out on the DIY stuff and since she really doesn’t like doing them she is probably rather not work on anymore of that stuff. She may also not really enjoy wedding planning.

I know for my own wedding, if someone offered to do all my planning and then some I would have let them! I hated planning it, and am not good nor really like doing DIY stuff.  As long as I had final say on things, if someone wanted to do it, it was accepted!

And honestly all that stuff is just bonus! As you know the only real job of the bridal party is to stand up for you at your wedding!

Post # 11
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I have to disagree with PP on this one. I think that there is no set in stone “rules” for a Maid/Matron of Honor. But I think we can all agree that your girls are supposed to be there for you during wedding planning. It doesn’t seem like she has been there for you unless she needs your help. And that is pretty selfish in my book. We are all planning our weddings on this site (most of us anyways) and we know all the things that we have to do and have done and will have to do. Does this mean that we don’t have 1 day to spare for our best friends? Her last response to you asking her to come over was just plain RUDE also. Sounds like she needs to get her head out of her ass to me. Maid/Matron of Honor duties or not, it would be good if she did that. 

Post # 13
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Honestly, I like to do my own DIY projects. That way I know that they are done right the first time.

Before I started any projects, I have read on weddingbee so many threads of people helping them but then they botched what they were helping with! So I decided I will do most by myself.:)

I think you will enjoy doing your own DIY. Put on a good movie or tv show while your doing it. It can be fun. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m just going to throw this out there, take it or leave it kind of thing… but maybe you could ask your Fiance to help you with DIY projects.  The wedding is symbolizing a marriage of YOU and HIM, so shouldn’t the planning/projects/decisions/tastings/etc… be done by both of you?  Not all guys are even willing to participate, but I don’t think it’s the responsibility of my BM’s to help with anything I’m not willing to ask Fiance for help with.  It’s wonderful if they offer, but certainly not expected or required.

Edit- I know this reply comes out a little, I dunno, off- but that’s not my intention.  Sorry if it came out kinda harsh.

Post # 15
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MrsNeutrino: 

This. All of it. Her reply was rude. Even if she’s not into wedding stuff, she agreed to be your Maid/Matron of Honor and all that comes with it. That’s being helpful and supportive. You’re allowed to ask her for help and she’s allowerd to say no to some things but she can be more polite in saying it. If she had a problem with your diy suggestions for her wedding, she could have just said so.

I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.

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