(Closed) Disappointed in my BMs. Anyone else?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am so sorry ๐Ÿ™ i have been feeling like that only my MOH is pretty gunhoe about the wedding…but the other girls are pretty blah, especially my own sisters ๐Ÿ™ 

I unfortunatly finally blew…not in a bridezilla way but a hey why wont you be involved I really want you to be there or respond but you wont even give me the time of day you mean so much to me thats why I asked you to be in the wedding. They did start to respond back to me then.

YOUR not a whiney bridezilla I just think people dont realize how important it is to someone until they are doing it themselves {{HUGS}} 

I will email you and tell you you look great in your dress XOXO

Post # 4
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hi there – I can relate a bit, and all my bridesmaids are local here in the Bay Area.  I’m not sure how old you and your bridesmaids are, but is it possible that they have never been in a wedding before and don’t know how to act?  Or are they already married?  I noticed that two of my bridesmaids that are married are excited for me, but not really as “into it” as I was for their weddings.  I chalked it up to the fact that they just went through all of this and are kind of ready to move on.  My cousin/MOH, on the other hand, is younger than me and unmarried, and none of her friends are married, so she is inexperienced at the whole “how to be a bridesmaid” thing.

That said, not responding to your email about the dress is inexcusable!  Maybe try to email each one individually next time – it’s harder to ignore a personalized email.  Finally, I would tell them how you feel.  You picked these girls because they are close friends/family, so you should be able to tell them how you feel.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I think it would be a good idea for you to say something to them, without necessarily letting loose all your anger and frustration. It sounds like they might just be a bit clueless about their role and what you’re hoping for from them. Maybe a chat or an email or a phone call gently letting them know that you’d really love more support and excitement from them about the planning process? Hope it works out for you.

Post # 6
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s great that you’re not expecting too much, and it’s not fun that your BMs aren’t as into the wedding as you are. I definitely think if they’re young or never have done it before they might not be as excited. My friends and I are just out of college, and none of them are into weddings yet – which is why I’m on weddingbee ๐Ÿ™‚

I did get “your dress is pretty” email responses, but I emailed people personally.

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Post # 7
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

my bm were exactly like that.  i even tried my dress on for two of them and they said nothing.  

getting married really shows you who your true friends are, that’s for sure! 

Post # 8
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry that your bridesmaids are like that.  I felt the same way, feeling whiney that I wanted them to do things that they couldn’t do.  Unfortunately, it is sort of hard for them to be involved in the planning much when you don’t live near them.  I think that you should have a serious talk with them about what you want and expect from them and see what they say about that.  You may realize that you are expecting too much from them when they don’t live near you.

Post # 9
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel your pain! My own sister (my MOH) seems not to give a flying flip about my wedding. One of my BMs, a very close friend, went off on a rant at me about how its tooo early (8.5 months out!) to go dress shopping or being doing much for the wedding at all. She thinks we should get all teh Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses a month or less before the wedding and is pissed that I want her to go look at dresses with me! My other Bridesmaid or Best Man is super far away (unlike the other two who live mere minutes from me!) on the other side of the country. She tried for a little while but her responce to every single thing I say about the wedding is, “Yeah, that’s nice!” Which is great, but so Not constructive on any level! Oh, and my sister has told me flat out that she refuses to throw me a bachelorette party. I almost cried! I’m looking forward to an all girls night of drinks and dinner! ๐Ÿ™ My mom is not doing anything at all either. boooo!

 

Post # 10
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

I didn’t read the comments on here, because I wanted to get straight to my own. I haven’t quite decided if I am having 3 or 4 bridesmaids yet, but they all live in town, so I am lucky. I know that when I need them, they will be there, because most of them are my family. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I almost had to undergo this because we were considering moving, and it would be far harder for my girls to pack up, and of course some of them have dyslexia, so they aren’t as avid of typers, and some of them it is hard to get calls back, so I can somewhat relate to your problem. Maybe addressing them one by done would do some good, and just follow up by saying hi, how are you? And then go straight into what you need to say. It is addressing the problem without being snarky or anything.


The best of luck, sweetie.

Post # 11
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

I’m getting really stressed about my BM’s and Maid/Matron of Honor too. They all live in the same city as I do. I asked them to be in the wedding two days after I got engaged. I got engaged last New Year’s eve, so it’s been almost a YEAR. I told them that we were going to get their dresses this summer, well when I called each of them to see when the best day to schedule an appointment would be, my Maid/Matron of Honor told me right off the bat that she didn’t have the money (which she knew 6 months in advance we were going that summer) and my BM’s told me that they would make it. Well the day before the appointment I called them, and one Bridesmaid or Best Man cancelled. So, needless to say, I wasn’t going to make an hour drive to the bridal store for one girl to go pick out the dress. I rescheduled it for November, which was really cutting it close, well Maid/Matron of Honor is surprisingly sick that day, and now both BM’s don’t have the money. I have told them NUMEROUS times that we have to get the dresses before the first of the year. My appointment is for this Saturday and I know for sure that one of my BM’s is going to buy her dress, the other Bridesmaid or Best Man hasn’t answered any of my calls this past week so we’ll see what happens with that, and my Maid/Matron of Honor told me that she yet again does not have the money. I guess I am going to have to be a little bit of a beeotch and just tell them that if they don’t get their dress by the first (which they won’t be able to after then because it will be discontinued) then they just can’t be in the wedding. I have given them plenty of notice, rescheduled tons of appointments, and made sure they were all comfortable with the price of the dress, which was the cheapest I could find for 100 bucks and that they all thought it was pretty.

I say tell them how you feel because you don’t want to be three months out and not able to do anything about it. Good Luck! (sorry for the rambling)

Post # 12
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Meh, I’m kinda at the point where I don’t expect much.  My Future Sister-In-Law Bridesmaid or Best Man lives about 5 hours away, and she has not asked ONE question about the wedding in the 11 months since we got engaged.  Not even an, “How’s the planning going?”.  My Maid/Matron of Honor recently moved about 5 hours away as well so she’s been pretty busy setting up her new life in her new city.  Since this is her first wedding, I don’t think she really knows all that is expected of her.  My one bridesmaid who lives here has actually been wonderful!  She got married last year and knows how frustrating it is to work with BMs who don’t really want to help!  She regularly asks what is going on with the planning, and is always offering her help. 

Post # 13
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

yeah It really sucks! I feel like I kind of was forced into asking certain friends to be bridesmaids because I’m not close with anyone really anymore but I asked two friends who I’ve known for years. They seemed a little weirded out that I had asked them. Prob mostly because we dont really hang out or get together anymore but needless to say they said they want to and I have an appt on tuesday so we will see how that goes. One bridesmaid has canceled me twice already once when I asked if she’d come with me to pick my wedding dress and once to try bridesmaid dresses on. I’m really hoping they will at least act like they want to help soon because I’ve had no help so far, no phone calls, email nothing. It’s pretty sad but then again they are prob wondering why I asked them in the first place and I feel like such a loser because I dont know anyone else to ask.:(

Post # 14
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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Post # 15
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Hi – I can relate ALLOT!! but i am speaking as a MOH!!!! i did everything for the bride and i mean everything! to make a long story short her friends (Bridesmaids) of 10 years were terrible to her so i felt soooooo bad that did more than i could ever do for one person!

well guess what in the end the ones that the did NOTHING got just as much as i did!! LOLOLOL!!! i never got praise for doing it all!! not even a special thank you card… nothing !! was it worth it ! to be honest NOT REALLY

ps she actually spends more time with those girls today !!! They are all best friends AGAIN!!! Now isn’t that funny lol

Post # 16
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

my subject would say Disappointed with the bride

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