Post # 1
My finace and I got engaged in March of this year. We had already told his parents it was going to happen, I just didn’t know when. He definitely surprised me. Once I started making wedding plans, his mother tells him, to tell me, that she will help plan the event. I was a little surprised to hear that because we got off to a rough start when him and I started dating. They just wouldn’t warm up to me; however, I was happy to hear we had gotten past that….or maybe not. We have now been engaged for a little over two months and so far, I have done everything! She has not attended one bridal appointment with me and only came to see the venue we selected because she was already in the car with us and had nothing else to do. I have no family out here. Everyone is out of state. I have a full-time job and three kids, all in extracurricular activities. I feel so overwhelmed, I am not enjoying the planning at all! Two of my bridesmaids are out of state and two are local. The local ones are available for dress shopping but they also have a family and their time is limited. So far, I have been to all the appointments by myself. My finace is busy with school and work. I don’t really expect much hands on from him. I get it…but his mother? I really feel she has no excuse. We are all busy and we all have jobs. What bothers me the most is that he’s an only child and not one member of his family has made a big deal about our wedding or has offered and actually helped out. His family in England is rich. We are not asking for financial help, but they have already sort of told us they more than likely will not be coming to the wedding, with the exception of his cousin, who is the best man. I just don’t get it! One of his uncle’s said he’s not offering to help because he feels that we are getting married too soon. Our wedding is December 5th, 2015 and we have personal reasons why we picked that date. Didn’t know that was any of his business and I really don’t feel like I need to elaborate on why we are getting married then. It’s not like he’s giving us money! I’m at a loss for words about all this. He feels like his family doesn’t care about him and that makes me sad. Could it be me? Could it be that they are acting this way because he’s marrying me? I would hate to think so. He is my best friend and I couldn’t imagine marrying anyone else.
Post # 2
“We are all busy and we all have jobs.”
Yes, but it’s YOUR wedding. It’s disappointing that she originally offered to help and now hasn’t but she has no responsibility in planning this wedding.
“One of his uncle’s said he’s not offering to help because he feels that we are getting married too soon.”
Why would his uncle help pay for the wedding anyways? I’ve never heard of that… is it typical in your culture that the whole family help out financially?
“Could it be me? Could it be that they are acting this way because he’s marrying me?”
None of what you have written seems *that* bad. When you say that none of his family is coming… are you referring to aunts/uncles/cousins? Or his siblings and parents as well? I think you might be taking this stuff too personally. No one is going to care as much about your wedding as you do.
Post # 3
You’re marrying each other, not his family. You two sit down and have a talk with each other regarding your emotions, what you expect from each other, and focus on why you agreed to marry each other in the first place. There will always be naysayers. Don’t allow their negative energy into your relationship. Whether she helps or not, still have your wedding. Elope if you have to. People can be really menacing. Relax, step back for a moment and analyze the vision of your wedding. Sip some wine and take it all in. This is suppose dot be a joyous time. Smh I’d get a ticket & come help you out myself
Post # 4
Doesn’t sound like they are being supportive AT ALL. This is YOUR day. Family and friends should be happy and celebrate you two as a couple. You don’t need that type of negativity in your life, so I say elope.
Post # 5
while it sucks that his mother originally offered to be involved, no one is obligated to help you with your wedding, at all, in any way. You should be having the wedding that YOU can put together and YOU can afford.
Post # 6
The fact that your Fiance gets a pass from wedding planning but you expect his mother to be helping you is laughable. It’s your wedding and its his wedding, but it’s not her wedding or responsibility!
Post # 7
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and will be doing this single handed. Do you desperately want a big wedding? If you do then fine, but if you have just launched automatically into this-is-what-a-wedding-is mode, maybe stop and think if you would prefer to do something small, simple but great quality with half the hassle. I’ve got two children and a full time job and we’re getting married at a London registry office with 14 immediate family and best man and wife present with a fantastic wedding breakfast at our London club afterwards. Bridal party flowers only (less than £100) Peggy Porschen cake – she made Madonna’s, Elton John’s and royal wedding cakes but because I’ve just boughit a (very pretty) non-wedding cake, it’s less than £100. No cars – black cabs will be cool. No evening reception. It was all booked and arranged within 2 weeks of us getting engaged.
Your Mother-In-Law shouldn’t have said she was going to help and then not followed through but otherwise I wouldn’t expect anyone to help organise your wedding. It’s a shame his family can’t make it over from England, have they met you yet? You say he’s an only child and you are shocked they haven’t offered to help, but he’s an adult only child who is about to get married. In England the groom’s parents wouldn’t expect to have much involvement and with the wedding taking place on a different continent I doubt it’s occurred to them. There are endless posts on here about interfering Future In-Laws and family poking their nose into people’s wedding plans so they can be damned if they do want to be involved and damned if they don’t.
The bottom line is altbough you are disappointed, you can’t expect anyone but you and your Fiance to organise your wedding/ family christenings/ bar mitzvahs/ Christmas etc. As you say, you are all busy. Have a chat with your Fiance about whether he can or wants to help out more, and what kind of wedding you both want and can achieve without you getting exhausted. Keep hold of the fact that you are marrying the man you love, the wedding is just a ceremony, it’s the marriage that counts. Wishing you all the best.
Post # 8
ETA: Sorry, I misread and thought the mother was only giving money, missed the part where she said she’d help plan. Maybe you can sit down with her and ask what she’d like to help specifically with rather than a blank slate hope that she helps with everything?
Regardless, I think you just need to realize that perhaps your expectations were too high. Don’t think that just because people don’t make a big deal means they don’t like you, they are probably just too busy!
Post # 9
No one will be as excited about your wedding as you are. I realize it’s disapponting but you’re expecting too much. In general, people are busy and its YOUR wedding. Others just aren’t going to make it a priority in their life.
assume you’ll be doing everything on your own and be grateful when you do get a little help.
and if you’re not enjoying the wedding planning maybe you’re planning the wrong kind of wedding for you and your husband. Maybe change directions for something simpler. I really didn’t enjoy the process of wedding planning. It was just another thing to do in my busy schedule. Which is why I made the planning process as short and simple as possible
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Do you mind me asking how long have you guys been together and how old are you guys?
I do find your disappointment weird. I would never expect anyone to be at all the things you said.
I get part what you are saying. I had teenagers in activities too and no family around. My Mother-In-Law offered to help financially and with planning and did neither. I went to my dress appointments alone and planned it all myself with little input from Darling Husband here and there.
I think you just need to lower your expectations (aka..have none at all). If your Fiance is on board then nothing else matters. If he is starting to question it then maybe you need to look at what everyone else is saying, too.
Why are they saying it’s too soon? Are you guys young? If you have 4 kids and have not been dating very long, then yes, I can see others concerns, too looking out for the welfare of your Fiance.
Post # 12
Forget about your future Mother-In-Law and count it as a blessing that she is not being a pain in the ass. Generally the guy’s family are not as interested as the girl’s family for whatever reason. Do not expect them to care. And be fair but do not do too much for her or them, she and they have not earned it. Try to enjoy your planning as it can be fun. There is a lot you can research online.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
My finace is busy with school and work. I don’t really expect much hands on from him. I get it…but his mother? I really feel she has no excuse. We are all busy and we all have jobs.
The responsibility to plan the wedding is yours and your FI’s, not his mother. If your Fiance can’t help and you are overwhelmed, just elope.
Post # 14
I agree with 2monthweddingplanner… just plan something you know can handle all by yourself without assuming people will be super helpful and excited about it. I am planning most of my wedding and creating most of the decorations/favors/invitations even the dress by myself, and I’m pretty busy too, I work full time if not even longer than 8 hours a day. My fiance is helping too with what he can but he’s not very good with delicate hand work or designing. Our parents are being very suppotive which makes me feel very lucky, but they are so far away. A wedding is something that will last a day, your marriage is what will or should last you your whole life, so I don’t think it’s worth it stressing more than you need to over that. 🙂
We had cousins threatening not going to our wedding just because we were previously planning on having a wedding a whole another month before theirs, for some reason. We ended up moving our wedding to exactly a month after and now they are going. Go figure. We’ll have a lot more time to make it even cooler lmao!! But if people decide not to go to your wedding because of such stupid reasons, you’d be better off without them anyway! The least guests you have the easier wedding planning will be. 😉
Post # 15
Also wanted to add that you could continue to invite her but only so that she cannot say that you left her out.