(Closed) Disappointed in my MOH sister (sorry it’s long)

posted 12 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

How old is she? It sounds like she is just being immature.

I would definetely confront her about this, and express how you feel.

If she doesnt want to hear it, i would consider cutting her. Dont make this any more

stressfull then it needs to be!!

Post # 4
1476 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

It sounds like she’s frustrated at having to be your Maid/Matron of Honor instead of doing it because she wants to. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. 🙁

Post # 5
455 posts
Helper bee

it seems like my sister is similar to your sister. self-centered, or should i say “selfish”? i didn’t plan to ask her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. however, i know i’d regret it if i didn’t because, no matter what, she’s my sister and she was there for me when i needed help. so i did. i don’t know what will really happen because i haven’t asked for her help yet, but hopefully it’ll work out..

Post # 6
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Awww *hugs*.  I’m sorry your Maid/Matron of Honor is being a brat.  Are your other BM’s excited for you?  If they are, I would try to forget about Maid/Matron of Honor and concentrate on your other BM’s being excited.  Also, maybe you can ask them to take up some slack.  My friend got married last year and her MOH/sister was out of the state and didn’t help do anything, the rest of the Bridesmaid or Best Man did the shower, went dress shopping, and did the bachelorette party, we were their helping do invitations and everything, while her sister was gone.  So even if your Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t being that great, hopefully you can rely on your other BM’s to be great for you.

Post # 7
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ugh, I’m so sorry this is happening… It seems like your mom’s expectation that you be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t working out so well. Maybe you could talk with her and offer her an out? Say something like, “Mom always said we should be each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor, but it seems like you don’t really want to be, and that’s making this whole wedding thing less fun for both of us. You’re my sister, and I want you to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, but not if it’ll make us resent each other! If you’d prefer not to be Maid/Matron of Honor, I’ll understand.”

I’m one of three sisters, and my mom had always had an expectation that we would each have the other two as co-MOHs (she was also one of three sisters, and she had one sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, but the other two were closer and had each other as Maid/Matron of Honor, so my mom’s feelings were hurt). Neither of my sisters were in a good life situation to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and so when I got engaged we all talked and agreed that each of us would have a best friend as Maid/Matron of Honor and sisters as just BMs, so that we wouldn’t have to choose, or do the co-MOH thing.  We broke the news to my mom together, and she was fine with it. If you and your sister make a decision together about the best way to handle the wedding party stuff, I hope your mom will understand!

Post # 8
131 posts
Blushing bee

So…both of my sisters are my MOHs, and I’m THEIR MOHs…  Yes, we’re all getting married within 6 months of each other next year.  And I know what you mean – I’m the oldest, but was last to get engaged (woah buddy was THAT hard) and when it was my turn to go wedding dress shopping they basically pulled the same thing on me.

There I was, FINALLY trying on dresses – by myself – and was being completely ignored and wound up crying in a wedding dress in the dressing room with my consultant.  And here’s what she told me:

“I see this all the time with sisters.  You have to just realize this is how it’s going to be and find a friend who will come and be completely supportive of just you.”

So I did – I called a Bridesmaid or Best Man and told her my sisters had hurt my feelings and I needed someone to ooh and ahh over me and make this a big deal.  And she did, and I just kinda decided to put that responsibility on the 3 “just” BMs, and let my sisters be the ones who will stand up with me.  Yes, it’s a little hurtful.  No, it isn’t what I would have wanted.  But that’s how it is/they are and I can’t let them bring me down during this AWESOME time in my life.

((Hugs))  And I’m sure you looked INCREDIBLE in your dress! 

Post # 9
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2022

I’m sorry that you’re having a really hard time with your Maid/Matron of Honor.  I don’t have any sisters, just brothers, so I can’t really offer any advice on that subject.  I would just sit her down, explain to her how your feelings are being hurt by her actions, and see how together you two could fix the situation

Post # 10
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

First and foremost – I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time with your sister. It does sound like she’s being immature, and I agree with worcesterbride‘s assessment that perhaps you should reassess and make sure that your sister actually WANTS to be involved. With that said, I do feel it might help to get a radically different perspective.

I’m not even inviting one of my sisters to my wedding. She’s older than me (by about 18 years) and has played pretty much no role in my life whatsoever. We haven’t even spoken for the last 3 years. And when she attends any event with alcohol, she tends to drink too much and act inappropriately. I talked it over with my other sister (15 years older than I am), and she agrees with this course of action.

So, yeah – I’m not sure if this will help. But just realize that there’s a wide range of relationships when it comes to sisters. And that she doesn’t necessarily HAVE to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.

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