(Closed) Disappointed, trying to deal with selfish feelings

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

What a difficult situation!  Have you told your grandma how much it means to you to have a parental figure by your side, at least for a little bit, knowing that your mother will get anxious and need to leave quickly?  If your grandma is adamant about staying by your mother’s side, that is indeed disappointing and I’m so sorry things need to be like that.  But if you haven’t told her what you’ve just told us, I strongly urge you to do so.

Post # 5
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

What time is your wedding? Is there anyway you could have a private breakfast morning of with mom and grandma, to make both feel involved and then while you are getting ready have a different family member take mom out to a long lunch and help her get ready for the wedding so you and grandma can get you ready?

what is your ceremony reception like? Some churches have a balcony or an alcove or somewhere secluded where they could watch together in a special spot away from other guests so she doesn’t feel so crowded or nervous. That way they can still be there and you know exactly where so you can look over at them at anytime during. 

And during the reception, is there anyway an aunt/uncle/cousin could whisk her away for a bit when she starts getting fidgety to run an errand? Like to pick up a present they ‘forgot’ or to pick up a ‘special surprise’ for you so she can get a break from crowds and you could get quality time with grandma? 

I know it is not quite the same as having grandma be with you all day but then both a would be there, and feel included. 

Post # 6
9550 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m so sorry both for your mom’s accident and for the difficult situation you’re in on your wedding day. I can completely understand where you’re coming from. And this is coming from a girl who’s mom died and won’t be at my wedding. I think you are totally justified in being a bit disappointed that you may not have a mother-type figure to rely on during your wedding day prep. You are being honest, not selfish. While it would be selfish to demand your grandmother’s presence, I think it would be dishonest to not let her know how much you want her there. She still may turn you down, but she deserves to know how important it would be to you. I wonder if it would be possible to have your mom in a separate room, away from the people and bustle and wedding craziness, but close by so that your grandmother could go back and forth between the two of you? This would also mean that you could spend a few minutes here and there with your mom while still getting ready and, hopefully, not getting her too overwhelmed. And I would also recommend having some other close girl friends around. It’s not the same, but it’s nice to have support in whatever form you can get it.

Post # 8
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think you should tell your grandma everything if you haven’t.  About the feelings of resentment that you may have that you don’t want to.  I understand her feelings toward your mom, but I also feel like perhaps it’s kind of selfish or wrong of her to put your mom first on this one special day of yours.  

Surely someone else can take care of or ‘watch’ your mom on this day for her.  It’s a difficult situation but it’s also one special day for you, and I think you deserve to have your grandma by your side after everything that you yourself have also had to deal with in this unfortunate sitiation.

Also, I’m so sorry for the accident and what your family has had to endure.  On a much lesser scale, my family has had to deal with a stroke which has completely changed my uncle.  We are a very close family and we are all coping with his different behaviour and personality as best we can.  He needed to take medication to make it to my wedding due to severe anxiety problems that he can’t control.  I understand partially how hard this must be for you.

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