(Closed) Disappointed with a few aspects of my engagement. It's breeding resentment.

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  I love it!!!!  πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€‘🀑🀑🎈🎈🎈

Post # 62
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’d argue that it is not constructive to concede to confirmation bias from the small minority instead of considering the majority view here.  The Bee certainly isn’t the conveyer of truth, but maybe some self-evaluation and getting a professional opinion on behavior that does not appear to be isolated is a good approach. 

Post # 63
Member
5775 posts
Bee Keeper

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squishee :  “Wow, bitchy chicks on here.”

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howdoyoudo :   “Whoa, I see you’ve experienced several stings from the bees(!)”

If some Bees are blunt or critical or sarcastic, it doesn’t mean they have no sympathy- it means their sympathy is for the one the OP is posting about, in this case OP’s poor fiance. 

Imagine if this was your son or brother she was talking about. He proposes to the girl of his dreams, thinking he’s timed it so they can have the whole evening/weekend to celebrate, he’s offered to change his wedding plans to suit what he thought she wanted, talked about marrying on their upcoming cruise- and she’s upset she didn’t get balloons and fireworks or whatever the hell she wanted and didn’t get and then has her nose in the air because he didn’t suggest a special trip to get married on, he suggested a pre-existing trip. 

If OP’s fiance was my son or brother, I’d tell him to run- because don’t underestimate the toll that  being with a partner who always finds fault with you, always makes you feel that your actions, words etc are never good enough, that you’re a disappointment to them….this eats away at your self esteem, your confidence, makes you feel you can never do anything right and makes you question your own worth. 

So pardon me if I don’t blow sunshine up OP’s ass when I see her as being the bully rather than the victim in this utterly childish and petty scenario. 

Post # 64
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

i have no words…wow

Post # 65
Member
5775 posts
Bee Keeper

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southernbride16 :  LOL @ the little balloons and clowns you found- I can barely manage the basic emojis smile

Post # 66
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee

Sounds like you speak a different love language and he has not picked up on it.

You sound like a nice person who had their hopes up and expected him to do something sweet like you do. 

Im sorry he dropped the ball and you feel disappointed. if he is usually like this, than you just have to accept this is how he is. He should make attempts to do sweet things for you no doubt, but don’t hold him to Instagram picture perfect standards.

At the end of the day all that matters is that you feel loved (cue in love languages) and more importantly, that he treats you right and doesn’t belittle you, make you feel like shit, curse at you, ect.

 

Post # 67
Member
5121 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Post # 68
Member
931 posts
Busy bee

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  this had me thinking OP. My brother had  a gf, who cried and told my brother he didn’t love her since he didn’t propose to her on her bday (a few months into the relationship). She insisted on a proposal over thanksgiving break. Her took her on a weekend long trip to a major city. He was going to propse after a skyline dinner, but he was so excited he popped the question. I heard her telling my mom that it wasn’t romantic and they had just had sex. My own mother whispered to her to change the story to something better and it wasn’t romantic. I snapped at my mother and told her how horrible that was to suggest such a thing. Thats exactly what she did. She fabricated the whole thing. No one needs to knew they had sex right before, but she wasn’t focusing on what really mattered.

Op we don’t know you. This story is missing some info. How long have you 2 been together? Some bees ask some really valid questions. Come back and fill us in and maybe we can better understand.

Post # 69
Member
5121 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 OP, joking GIF aside I kind of get where you are coming from but I am curious to know if your fiancé is generally a romantic type of guy. If he normally is and that was your proposal. I’d get being disappointed and sad but if that is not his style then I think the proposal fits with his personality.

My husband isn’t one with words, he show me love by doing things for me so when he proposed he handed me the ring and said ‘are you going  to put it on’. I found it quite humorous because that was such a Mr Cmsgirl thing to say. If he waxed lyricals at me I would of demanded that whatever had taken possession of his body to leave!

Your fiancé may not have done the things you thought were romantic but he did think about it  but maybe placed emphasis in areas that were not as important to you  eg: 3 days to celebrate together. As for the cruise he probably just thought of the idea off the cuff after having it click that  you didn’t want a big wedding. It was an idea that prompted a discussion between you two. If you had other ideas or felt annoyed, you needed to speak up and communicate it in the aim to find a solution that works for both of you.

 

Post # 70
Member
931 posts
Busy bee

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bridaljenny :  i forgot to finish the story. My brother and his Fiance got married. Turns out she only wanted to marry him because she needed to find someone before she was too old and have children. They or him must not be happy. I recently found out hes having an affair. Not that your Fiance would do this.

Post # 71
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  My response was to the OP and therefore I was answering her as best I could with the information provided. If you continue to read my response past the first sentence then perhaps you will see that it is a measured one. 

I supported the fiance! I agree with another PP that they may not speak the same ‘love language’.

Post # 72
Member
7422 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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cmsgirl :  “Your fiancé may not have done the things you thought were romantic but he did think about it  but maybe placed emphasis in areas that were not as important to you  eg: 3 days to celebrate together.”

THIS…I think this is a great point and something to really think about OP. I thought it was so sweet reading your first post that he planned it out so you’d be able to celebrate for the whole weekend. That’s what makes me think his love language is quality time. You guys just need to try to understand where the other one is coming from.

To everyone insisting that you’re a brat…I still don’t get it. My 89 year old grandmother had been married for about 40 years before she finally accepted that her husband (who was an incredible human being and loved her SO MUCH) was never going to be the type of dude who would go to the mall and buy her a piece of jewelry for her bday. It just wasn’t gonna happen. He was the type that would literally write her a check for her bday lol…not a romantic bone in his body. My Mother-In-Law is the same way. Many women (and many men too!) just want to occasionally feel spoiled by their partner. It doesn’t mean they’re bratty or deserve to be dumped or that their SO should run for the hills. It’s human nature.

If the OP were freaking out all the time about these types of things, I could see bees’ pionts about her being bratty, but this is her ENGAGEMENT. It’s a moment a lot of girls build up in their heads for years and years. Is it stupid to do that? Sure, but doesn’t stop it from being a reality in this day and age of wedding glorification.

Idk I just can’t understand the vitriol on this one. Bee, I hope you and your Fiance can come to see eye to eye on these things and both appreciate what the other one has to offer.

Post # 73
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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bridaljenny :  I understand why you feel dissapointed because you are hoping for something special. I do too!!! I told my DH specifically for a romantic proposal lol (that’s makes me high maintenance I guess), but he manage to do that, so I’m very lucky lucky girl. Being bit mad/dissapointed is fine, really, but don’t let it become a resentment. Talk it out and brush it off.

Anyway, my honeymoon was a little bit meh, but since I know he never meant to do any harm, that he always makes me happy every chance he got, so it’s not a big deal. I still told him though and said “you owe me second honeymoon”. He laugh, I laugh, and I get to get second honeymoon yay!!!!

So really I think this come down to communication and understanding. Maybe you can focused on all the right thing he does? Also, my DH re-proposed to me every anniversary, and my heart still melted everytime. Many event to be looking foward to!!!

I do agree that the bees getting meaner these days lol.

Post # 74
Member
1162 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Did I correctly read that you bought him legos?  How old are you two?  

Post # 75
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

i got proposed to on our living room couch. I get everyone wants some lovey dovey over the top proposal now a days, but lets be realistic some guys just arent super showy when it comes to lovey dovey things like woman are. 

As far as the wedding, ive been to a cruise wedding, it was still just as beautiful and romantic as any other wedding. Unless your in a rush to get married, you have plenty of time to sit down and talk about a wedding ceremony. Guys are clueless when it comes to actual wedding planning (for the most part) take what he is saying with a grain of salt, and anjoy your time being newly engaged. 

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