(Closed) Disappointed with FB [vent]

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Tell her!  Plain and simple.  I’m sure you have heard how important communicaton is in a relationship.  Well… this is a perfect example of when a Flower Girl needs to communicate his feelings/wishes/expectations to his FB.

 

Post # 4
Member
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

she can’t know how you feel unless you tell her. you definitely need to be able to communicate things like this to her! you sound like you do everything you can to meet her needs and show her how much you care, but not telling her what you need from her in return. saying it doesn’t have to come out as accusatory– it’s not about fixing the past or figuring out who was right or wrong, it’s about figuring out how to keep you both feeling loved and appreciated in the future. so something like, “i love doing xyz to show you how much i love you, but sometimes i wish you would make an effort to do xyz as well. sometimes i feel unappreciated.”

also, other people here will probably recommend the book “love languages” to you, which is about how different people show their affections (ie, via gifts, physical touch, saying sweet things, etc). i haven’t read it, but my husband and i took the online quiz (just google it) and it was helpful for us 

Post # 5
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree, you have to tell her how you are feeling. I know you were just venting and that’s a good thing, but things won’t change if you don’t say something. It doesn’t have to turn into a fight or anything, just casually ask her about it. Maybe tell her you would love it if she planned something romantic for the two of you…

Post # 6
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Grixis857: I agree with all of the other advice on here. You have to tell your fiance what you’re feeling! As you said, you can’t expect learned behavior to change overnight, especially when you haven’t communicated your needs to your fiance. Hopefully when you explain your wants and needs, your fiance will step up and give you the romance that you deserve :).

Post # 7
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think you’ve made a pretty big assumption that she would suddenly change after you got engaged and why would she? sounds like life is easy and good for her! you do all the romantic gestures, she sits back and receives them – she won’t initiate a change!! if you want things to be different, you’re just going to have to talk to her about it, in as nice a way as possible.  good luck!

Post # 10
Member
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, you’re really just going to have to talk to her about it. Fiance and I have discussions where we’ll sit on the couch, face each other and just talk things out, even when we’re doing well. I’ll tell him things like how I need him to be more romantic, and he’ll talk about how he needs to feel more in charge of certain things. Things don’t happen overnight, obviously, but we can definitely work on improving things when we know the issues.

Post # 11
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I had a talk with my Fiance about this a while ago myself (similar issue) and I essentially asked him to be a bit more romantic–in bigger ways, like fixing me dinner or whatever.  It was a little strange, but he thanked me for telling him and having a discussion about it because PPs are right–no one else knows what you want unless you tell them.  I suggest you have a discussion about it.

Post # 13
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I asked my Fiance if he could do me a favor. e.g.: we’re sitting on the couch, cuddling or whatever and I ask “Hey hon, could you do me a favor? I really love it when you do xyz types of things.  It really makes my day.”

Post # 15
Member
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I used it as a way to communicate my needs.  I don’t think it cheapens it.  I understand where you’re coming from, in that it seems like the kind of thing you shouldn’t have to ask for.  D and I have had many conversations about this (I’m not very good at asking for things) so it worked for us.  It just depends on your relationship. 

Post # 16
Member
9483 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Grixis857: Ah, I’m sorry that you have to do go through that.  I can see how you would love her to show some appreciation back in some sort of way.  Unfortunately, as other PPs have said, you’ll have to bite the bullet and just bring it up to her.

Maybe the two of you can have a designated date night once in awhile (once a week, once every two weeks, etc) and take turns coming up with different ideas/surprises for one another.  Granted I’m not sure where you stand with finances, but I find that it’s always the little things that make you feel loved and appreciated.  

I wish you the best of luck.  I hope she comes around for you!

Congratulations on the engagement though!

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