(Closed) Disappointed with my engagement ring

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 61
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

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Supersleuth:  such an interesting comparison. (I want a camera like that 😉  But your diamond is gorgeous either way 🙂

Post # 62
Hostess
9747 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

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Chicpeas:  I think you are missing my original point, which is he’s already done his part. He bought you a gorgeous diamond and proposed to you. If you aren’t happy with it, gently let him know but offer to make the changes yourself. I think that’s fair.

IMO an “upgrade” is anything that makes your ring “better” to you – whatever that may mean, be it bigger center stone, higher specs, better setting, etc. So yes, going from a solitaire to a more expensive setting would be considered an upgrade, IMO.

Post # 63
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

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2BMrsBoudreaux:  I agree with 2BMrsBoudreaux. You should be happy about your ring. It’s materialistic and it’s not the most important thing in a wedding/marriage. Many women would dream to receive that.

Post # 64
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

There are a number of things that you could do like change the setting, or get blingy bands and stack. You could also wait for an anniversary to upgrade. Maybe a 5 year anniversary and he could upgrade the stone? I am so glad that my Fiance let me have input. I have the ring of my dreams, and if he wishes to surprise me with an upgrade one day, I would certainly accept it (not to the setting, just to the stone). My center is a half carat, but with the size of my finger and the bling of the setting, it looks a lot bigger. I get compliments ALL of the time. I do think that you should love your ring, but you need to be flexible. You should be willing to put money towards your upgrade if you want it right now, best of luck!

Oh, one more thing… You mentioned the other rings you have seen on here. Please, do not let that influence you. Your situation is not the same as everyone else, or vice versa. You said that you want a house. Some bees may prefer to put off a house for the rock… Some may already have a house. Some have simulants, so they have the look of a huge stone, but not the price. If you always compare what you have to that of others, you will NEVER be satisfied. Someone will always have bigger and more expensive. Be grateful for what you have, dear. I had no ring at all the first time I was married.

Post # 66
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee

I totally agree with 

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2BMrsBoudreaux. A lot of guys who take the initiative to go out and buy your ring on their own and figure out what they think you’ll like are usually very proud of themselves. To hear my Fiance talk about buying my ring, I can’t even imagine how hurt or offended he’d have been if I said it was too small or wasn’t my taste.

Idk where people got this idea that guys don’t care about stuff like this. Yes, you should be happy with your ring, but you should also be happy about what it represents and the work your Fiance probably did to find you something beautiful. If he got a stone that was that high quality, he probably didn’t just buy from the first mall store he walked by.

You can bling your ring up later with enhancers or band stacks. Maybe upgrade size on a big anniversary, but don’t be surprised if you don’t really want to after some time has passed

Post # 67
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

Why not do the best of both worlds, keep the engagement ring but get a halo ring guard or halo enhancer, that way when you wear your engagement ring and wedding ring together it would look like a halo ring but still be a solitaire engagement ring. That way you can get a look that represents you but at the core you have a ring that your fiance chose for your to represent your union. 

http://anastaci.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/halo-feature.jpg 

Post # 68
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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Chicpeas:  Mature Wifey and got married at age 45…  It sounds like your Fiance put his heart into it and he must really love you to surprise you… At the end of the day the ring is not a measure of how much he loves you.  You know your man better than anyone else, so you have to assess whether or not he will be hurt by your dislike for the ring.  perhaps you can go all out on the band.  If you don’t think he will have an issue with it then discuss it with him… 

Post # 70
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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sillysillybee:  That’s not nice.

I don’t think you are ungrateful. This is personal, permanent, and jeez if you can’t talk about a ring, then what’ll you do in marriage when there are really big things to talk about?! Have a gentle discussion about it. Do some homework and be prepared to show him some ideas of what you like more, all within a similar price range. 

See this is why it’s important for couples to talk about rings, etc before getting engaged. I had the screensaver changed to my dream ring on the computer for months. I wound up getting a very similar version Of what I wanted.

Post # 71
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Chicpeas:  juat read update. It’s too bad he’s digging his feet in… i understand the finance part, but he should be swallowing his pride for your pleasure. It’s just a silly ring, it makes you happier, and you are the one that had to wear it forever. Give it some time. Instead of being bummed, just look at it like it’s an unfinished project. Maybe in a few months he won’t care as much.

Post # 72
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

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coffeedrinker:  I don’t think swallowing his pride for pleasure is the right attitude to have. Yes it’s a shame he would rather her keep the ring as is, but no one should act entitled to whatever ring they want. Yes, if you can get your dream ring, amazing, but if not, why should the fiancé swallow his pride, why can’t the women sometimes if ita ‘just a ring’. If she hated the ring, maybe, because there’s nothing worse than big money spent on something someone doesn’t like, but from what I’ve read Chicpeaa doesn’t hate it, would just prefer something bigger. 

I think maybe give it some time and raise the issue again, otherwise pick out a banging wedding band 🙂

Post # 73
Member
4682 posts
Honey bee

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Chicpeas:  It sounds like he will be really hurt if you reset the ring. I’d leave it as is for now and maybe invest in some really nice wraps or jackets for it.

At the end of the day, it is just a piece of jewelry, and not worth hurting your Fiance over.

Post # 74
Member
978 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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mazz246:  what I mean is not letting what he thinks she should wear get in the way of what she really wants. It’s too bad he didn’t pick something she loves. It’s also too bad he’s valuing his feelings on a ring he bought over her feelings on a ring she has to wear. The ring is a symbol and she is the one that has to wear it for the rest of the marriage- the good, the bad, and the ugly. I will always defer to the ring wearer than the ring buyer. That being said, if there’s no $$, well then that’s the end of that. 

I firmly believe that all the little symbols of love, transient and permanent, aren’t just for pleasure’s sake, but valuable momentos for when marriage gets hard (and it will eventually). Imagine 7 years in, and they’ve just had an argument about the kids, and she looks down and sees a ring she’s always been disappointed with? He may not have that immediate reference, but she will. 

  • This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by coffeedrinker.
Post # 75
Member
12 posts
Newbee

Honestly, I find a lot of those rings where it just has a bunch of glitz all over can look like it’s overcompensating for the center stone. I think .5 carat is a big enough size, but what’s great about your style versus one that has a bunch of enhancers is that it’ll be easier to upgrade. 

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