(Closed) Disappointed with the In-laws (vent)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

this is weird, but it’s your dh that should stand up if he wants to. it’s not your place to accuse them of having favorites or to start a battle over the presents (i know it’s more than that, but still). what does your dh think?

Post # 5
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

My inlaws CLEARLY treat Future Brother-In-Law differently than they treat Fiance.  I won’t say it doesn’t bug me, because it does.  But if Fiance notices it or cares, he never mentions it.

I’ve done a lot of soul searching on this.  I’ve been tempted to bring it up, but have decided not to.  If he REALLY doesn’t notice it, then I would feel awful for calling his attention to it.  And this has been his family dynamic for years, and it seems to work so I’m going to leave it be and not cause trouble.   If Fiance every mentions that he is hurt by it, then I’ll totally support him if he confronts them.  Otherwise, he and I will focus on building our life together and not focus on his relationship with his family.

I’m can’t tell you if this is the BEST way to deal with things, but it is what I’m doing.

Post # 6
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My Mother-In-Law treats my husband like a sack of dog crap.  I used to get mad about it but he kept telling me to just let it be water off a ducks back.  It was SO frustrating (and still is) but he’s an adult and if he doesn’t want to stand up for himself, what good would me doing it for him be?  It has only made things a litte worse with Mother-In-Law when I’ve questioned things so I don’t anymore.

Is it right? Absolutely not.  But backing off has helped us.  Now when his mom pulls crap, I go on with my day and it doesn’t take over like used to.  I do imagine the future and putting my foot down when the time comes but for now, I stay back and let Darling Husband handle it.

Post # 7
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Oh, I have issues with this BIG time. I’m not an only child, but my mom has always done a great job of treating us all very equally.

However, my Mother-In-Law doesn’t. And I have spoken out about it and gotten into a very large arguement/discussion about it. She admits that she treated them differently, but argued that “circumstances were different when Darling Husband was younger.” However, that says nothing about the huge difference I see NOW.

His half-siblings have had cars handed to them over and over, college paid for, weddings paid for, every extracurricular they wanted as children, furniture, money sent left and right and my husband could be chopped liver for all they seem to care. I remember a time when he was sleeping on the floor as a teenager when he had no bed of his own and a sibling received a full bedroom set – brand new.

I’ve written about this before because I’ve been outraged by it and I still am. I still cope with a lot of anger every day. My husband just ignores it and has written them ALL off because of it. It is the number one reason he seeks to distance himself from them, so clearly it’s really hurtful.

Something that hurts him so much makes me see red and I’ve written letters and emails and made phonecalls to his mother and half-siblings to try to make them see his side, but all it did was make me look like a liar in their eyes. They absolutely don’t see it and when you point it out – they don’t believe it. And they certainly don’t want to change.

I haven’t figured out a solution. Many have said that you should take a cue from your husband and handle it the way he handles it, but ignoring a problem is never an easy way to handle things.

What to do when your husband is NOT the favorite?

Post # 8
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

i agree with Kitzy.

My in-laws paid for the down payment of my husband’s sisters house yet I know they definitely would not offer us that sort of money because we both work hard and save. 

I get a little annoyed that the two sister’s expect so much and take so much.  At the same time, I am happy to do my own thing and keep out of the problems.

Post # 10
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think you should look at the bright side of all of this — do you really want them visiting you constantly when they will continue to favor the other brothers — the more you see them, the more obvious it’ll be! I suggest that you ignore it and not fight with your husband about it, perhaps it’s been this way his whole life and pointing it out won’t make things any better.

Enjoy each other and take this as all the more motivation to show your hubby ways you appreciate him! Pffft at his parents!

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