Disappointing first year of marriage

posted 9 months ago in Married Life
Post # 46
Member
2482 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@tigereyes:  Ugh, that’s awful. I feel for you, because I’ve been there. When my abusive ex husband and I had separated but were still in the same house while I was getting my ducks in a row, he came into the second bathroom while I was showering to “talk to me about everything”. He wouldn’t leave when asked, and I was trapped in the shower until it had been running cold for half an hour because I felt afraid and vulnerable and didn’t want to be naked in front of him. I did an emergency exit the very next day with my mom’s help.

I am so glad that you took the steps you did when you felt unsafe and that your boundaries were being pushed! Make sure you change the locks and/or know you have all of his keys. 

Post # 47
Hostess
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
@tigereyes:  oh, fuck this. I’m sorry for the profanity, but really, fuck this noise. This guy is a lie. Anything you thought you loved about him is a lie. Who he is showing you now is the real him–there’s no counseling to fix this-as harsh as this sounds your entire relationship was a lie and you need to value yourself, cut bait, and throw this disgusting bottom feeder back into the big wide sea. I’d rather be alone forever than be in a relationship for 1 day with this jerk face. And likely you will not be alone forever, I’m just making the point that it would be a better fate than dealing with this absolute nonsense.

Girl, get yourself gone. File for an annulment; this marriage was a con and a lie and he withheld information from you to trick you into marrying him–I bet if you worked with a lawyer you really could get an annulment. And if not, just get a divorce.

I promise you, it’s not worth sticking around for. Please, I beg you, leave him. You are worth so so so so very much more than anything he could ever give. 

ETA-I usually read all the comments and updates prior to posting but your OP had me so furious for you I broke practice and didn’t get up to speed on where you are currently so my apologies for that! I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU!!! You are absolutely making the right decision, probably the best one of your life. And do not, for one single second, feel like a failure. You didn’t fail at the marriage–he’s the failure and you’re a BOSS ASS WOMAN who is taking control of her own destiny. Many props and as a PP mentioned, we are all here to help you as you move through this journey.

I’d like to share something my father told me when I decided to divorce my first husband (for semi similar reasons–found out he was a lie, just in different ways than your situation)

“Now that you’ve made the decision, move forward with no hesitation, do not question yourself and do not ever look back or falter–you’ve made the decision, now just keep moving forward.”

Post # 48
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@tigereyes:  You made a difficult but great decision. I would freeze your credit. You can do this at the “big three”, Equifax, Experian and TransUnion. This will prevent anyone from opening new credit in your name. (including you, but you can “unfreeze” it for brief amounts of time or for a specific lender if needed.) Also lock down your SSN at the SSA website. If you have any cards that you can take a cash advances from, remove that option from  the card. Some card issuers will let you do that. If not, you can just temporarily turn off your card. I have a Chase card and I can turn it off and back on in just a few seconds. Or maybe just saying it’s lost so you get a new card would work. Change all of your pins and passwords as well.

Also pull your credit report – it’s free – to see if he’s opened any other cards or lines of credit in your name or both of your names.

Post # 50
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2021

View original reply
@tigereyes:  Take it from me (a male). Leave this idiot. You’re dodging a tank shell if you leave now. 

Post # 51
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@tigereyes:  That’s good, but I’d still consider it. Monitoring only tells you when it’s already happened, and sometimes it is a big deal to correct, especially if it affects your credit score. Locking prevents it from happening in the first place.

Post # 52
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2022 - Milwaukee, WI

Bee, I’m really proud of you for taking control and leaving this ass-hole. You’re doing the right thing for you and your family, and you’re saving yourself a lot of emotional and financial pain in the future. Not many people have the courage to see the real signs and listen to their gut.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors