- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I am sure you have all heard this story before! I just recently proposed to my girlfriend of two years, and she expressed some disappointment at the way I proposed.
The whole proposal thing has been somewhat terrifying. I originally planned to take her on a surprise cruise and proposal, but then sudden unexpected bills popped up and made the cruise something impossible to do. I was going to give it to her as a “birthday” present, where I actually gave her a lame birthday present (a heating pad, and then feigned hurt that she seemed a bit disappointed) and then eventually give her the ring as the real present. I had planned to take her to the place where we had first had a romantic walk, carved our name into a tree, and so on… but on the day we were going to go to the park, she expressed a sudden desire to actually go somewhere else that day. Nothing mean-spirited, she just had the urge to go make some pottery. So, now THAT plan is suddenly ruined, and my internal freaking-out has reached obscene levels. I mean, come on. Fate is messing with me here. So, I go back to the plan of having it be a somewhat meh birthday but then whip out a ring as a surprise. Well, the day actually went horribly. The pottery place wasn’t at all what she had expected, the aquarium we had wanted to go to closed early, she ASKED me if I had been planning to propose today because she had built it up in her head that I was going to (cue more freaking out). Thinking I was clever, I said I had thought about it, but had decided not to because I thought she might be expecting it.
Cue the waterworks. That was the last straw. A very emotional and underwhelming day caught up with her, and she was super upset. SO not working out like the movies. But, I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I HAD to propose. I had built it up, I was freaking out, if I didn’t do it that day then it would take me another few weeks or who knows what to figure out how to recover. We got home, I asked her to wash the dishes (something she hates) so I could keep her distracted. When I came back in the house, her fuming, I dropped on a knee and told her I still had one last way to apologize for the horrible day. She turned around, and boom, I had the ring.
She cried, accepted, called all of her friends/family, and was quite happy. I was happy it was over. I know that sounds horrible, but the whole proposal thing was probably the most stressful event of my life. I was thankful it was over and we could get to the wedding. Everything just went south, but I thought I had salvaged it in a sweet way. Well, she told me the next day that she was a bit disappointed in the way I had proposed. She had wanted me to be more romantic. See, personally, I thought the proposing in the midst of anger and sadness was symbolic and sweet. I had tried my best, and that in itself seemed romantic to me? So, I responded angrily. More hurt than anything else. We have since made up, but she is still no doubt disappointed. We are planning on sitting down and having a talk about it.
Any advice? I don’t want her to look back at this moment and feel disappointed. I worked hard to find the right ring and tried hard to make a moment, but it just didn’t seem to work out. She also expressed disappointment that I haven’t called all my friends and told them, but to be honest, I am still recovering from the proposal. It sounds silly, but I just want to gather my thoughts and THEN tell my friends. Just a day later, nothing big. Is this wrong of me? Does it need fixing, or am I overthinking something that I will probably laugh at later? “Everything went WRONG, but I was so nervous that I just popped the question anyways!”
I mean, that kind of makes me smile! We have talked over marriage before, and I thought I had made it clear that a big fancy wedding and a huge romantic proposal would probably be something in the future, when we had the funds to support it. Our familes don’t have enough to support much of a wedding, so we had agreed to do something simple for now. I suppose maybe I took her at face value a little too much? I dunno.