Post # 1
Member
8 posts
Newbee
Hi everyone, I am new here and not really sure how to write this without coming off terribly. Here goes… I was proposed to over New Years and have felt really upset since the propsal. I was disappointed in the way he did it and he didn’t really say anything other than ‘will you marry me’. I was quite confused as we were outside waiting for the fireworks sqaushed in a crowd of people, so I was intially a bit shocked and I thought he was joking, I suppose. The second thing was he didn’t get me a proper engagement ring. I wouldn’t mind this as I am really tight with money, but the problem is he took me endlessly ring shopping and to Tiffany’s and made me try on a variety of diamond and gemstone rings. I of course then expected him to get me something along these lines, however he didn’t think it was worth it or makes sense for us at the moment given that I am still studying and he is about to change jobs and so I have a stoneless stearling silver ring. I guess my issue is that we have talked about marriage for so long and he had said he wanted the propsal to be special and to have the right ring. We have been together for 4 years and have dealt with really difficult life problems and we are completly right together. I feel that he built it up so much that maybe that’s why I feel so let down as it really is a one off event that I feel he didn’t treat very seriously or rushed?? I am upset that my memory and feelings towards the proposal are so negative and I know in the future this will most likely change…I hope!!! Has anyone else had these feelings? How did you get over them as I really feel so guilty for not loving the ring / proposal. Thank you for not judging and for any advice! xx
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This topic was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by
loversknot.
Post # 2
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
loversknot: I was disappointed with my proposal too.
Don’t feel guilty about being unhappy…I can’t tell you how many people asked me “so how did he propose?!?” and I had to give the lame answer. I think for me the hardest part was talking to my FH about it. I found myself making these snarky little passive aggressive digs that I think were just a result of me trying (and failing) to get over it by myself. Bottom line, you are going to marry the person you love. The details come and go but you should try to talk to him about it without being overly critical. You can’t really change what happened but maybe you two could try to come up with something special for when you do purchase the ring/pick it up.
Post # 3
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
loversknot: Why is the proposal the only thing on your mind? You’re engaged! He asked you to marry him! I know we all fantasize about how the proposal will happen. We look a other Wedding Bee pics and gush over the Pinterest pictures, but those happened the way they were supposed to, how the man or woman had planned it. The fact that he couldn’t wait to get the proper ring to propose to you should really be what’s on your mind. He loves you, and wants you badly. He couldn’t bring himself to wait to ask you to be his wife and so he did it a little rushed. My SO has had my ring for 4 months now. We brought it home together. I’ve fantasized about how he would proposes over and over, and
I even thought he was going to at one point but he didn’t. The proposal will be far in the back of your mind once you get the ring and wedding plans going. P.S. He may have taken you to Tiffany’s and such just to figure out your size and style. My SO and I did the same thing, but then went to a jeweler and had the ring custom made with some different embelishments that I wanted to personalize it. If you haven’t bought your ring yet, I HIGHLY SUGGEST GOING TO A JEWELER! The ring I wanted at Birks cost $8459 and I got the exact same thing, with more diamonds and my SO’s birth stone for less than half price. Better quality gold and diamonds and all certified. It’s your best, most cost effective option, and you get to customize it to look like WHATEVER YOU WANT!! I wish you and yours the best.
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This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by
RheaIzar.
Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
jules24chi: Hi thank you for the quick reply! I too have been doing that snarky remark thing! It’s awful! I think we are going to just have a plan b! It’s hard when everyone expects amazing stories and ring pictures. You just feel so awkward about the whole thing!
Thank you! 
Post # 5
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Honestly, if you want to marry this man, then you need to move on from this. He asked you, you said yes. The proposal is done. You might be disappointed that you don’t have an awesome story, but the end result is the same.
Post # 6
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
loversknot: I just thought as well, maybe when you do get your actual ring, he can propose to you again! This might be something to talk about.
Post # 7
Member
8 posts
Newbee
RheaIzar: Thank you for your reply. I guess it’s on my mind as it is still quite fresh and we are waiting a little to plan the wedding due to it being quite complex because of international family etc. Our relationship is amazing and I would give anything to be with him so I know that is the most important thing. I think a lot of my problems have come from expectations and societies pressure. It’s funny you don’t think you will be like this until you exprience it! HA!
I hope to find a good jeweller as I am not very experienced in jewellery design / pruchasing so we’ll see..
Thanks
Post # 8
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
All my fiance said to me was ‘I love you, will you marry me?’ Really, what else needs to be said? You wouldn’t want the poor guy getting out a sheet of paper to read off, right? Because for most men, all that’s in their brain is ‘don’t say no, don’t drop the ring, don’t say no’. The big staged proposals are just that – coordinated and staged. He spoke from the heart.
As far as the ring goes, it sounds like he was thinking ahead. You’re still in school, he’s changing jobs, and you’re about to have a wedding to pay for! Once you get everything sorted out financially, maybe you can use the band as the wedding band and get something pretty in front of it.
Post # 9
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee
loversknot: I know right! I have even had people give me these looks of pity when they told me how grand their engagement story was. It sucks in the moment but you know what…now that I am married no one asks how he proposed and I have a really awesome man and partner in life. The proposal was not a reflection of his level (or theoretical lack) of caring for me. I’m sorry to say but getting engaged and planning a wedding invites criticism/comments/helpful suggestions from family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. I don’t know why but everyone thinks they should throw in their 2 cents whether it is welcome or not. Everyone gets it, we just all get it about different things. You are in good company on this site!
Post # 10
Member
8 posts
Newbee
jules24chi: Yes!! I feel so corrupted by advertising and peoples expectations! I think I need time to form my own perspective! Thanks 🙂
Post # 11
Member
8 posts
Newbee
MariContrary: I’ve realised that I have grown up with expectations that don’t really happen and I guess you just don’t realise how crazy they are until you are in the real life moment. I am very frugal and understand his reasoning, you just sometimes wish for things that you can’t have. Thanks for your help 🙂
Post # 12
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
I think at some point, we all fantasize how our proposal would be thanks to the romantic movies and fb video from other women. We expected the same but disappointed in reality. Me too, I was disappointed as Fiance didn’t say much script like I expected, I jokingly say no too. He told me he really wanted to put the ring on my finger on our anniversay and no going to re-do it again. so I said yes, took me months to get over it but one day, I was jokingly asked him what’s the point of getting married and why he wants to marry me. (because he told me once he does not believe in marriage and he would do it because I want it at the very beginning of our relationship). I jokingly ask him is it because he will have a free maid doing cooking and cleaning the house. he chuckle and said no.. and calmly told me it’s because of me. First, I thought he mean it’s because of me who want to be married. He corrected me and said that’s because he only want to spend his life with me.
That answer bring a smile on me and I totally get over with my disappointed proposal from him. 
Post # 13
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
RheaIzar: loversknot: Please don’t make him propose to you again. What a joke.
Post # 14
Member
24 posts
Newbee
try and see how it could sound to others maybe. If you get excited they will too. <br /><br />Can you get yourself to see it this way? You spent the evening snuggling up watching some lovely fireworks, it was new years, you had no idea he was going to propose. He bought you a ring and couldn’t wait to propose and you got to start the New year as an engaged lady with man you love and he is already planning to get you s sparkly ring nearer the time once money etc is more stable <br /><br />
Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee
whoa_its_ash: Hi! I don’t think in any world you can recreate a proposal that would be weird! I think people mean to create another sort of celebration later 🙂