(Closed) Disappointing Proposal :(

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 16
Member
3051 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

 

I was disappointed with mine as well. At first. Now it’s adorable. I’ve only had a couple people actually ask about my proposal & while I fumbled through it, I was a little uneasy telling the story. It took me a week or so to adjust to it but I got to the point where I am just so excited to marry my Fiance. The proposal wasn’t extraordinary (and actually the one thing I asked was to not do it at home, and it was done at home lol) but it suited my Fiance, my pup was there for it, and it was memorable.

Focus on the marriage =) You can always tell people “it was an intimate proposal but I’m thrilled!” you don’t have to go into details!

Post # 17
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
loversknot:  Thank you. Use your imagination. You can never recreate the proposal.

Post # 18
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Barring him tossing the ring at me while I am sitting on the couch and asking me ‘So…do you wanna?’ I say anything is perfect 🙂

 

 

Who am I kidding? I’d take the ring tossing too…I just want to get engaged already!

Post # 19
Member
3636 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think that what is the most confusing is that the proposal seemed to be very out of character and not what you two had discussed together. It makes you wonder about other discussions in the future, if you talk about the house or car you want and he walks away and buys/puts an offer in on one, what’s to say that it will be the type of car you discused?

HE said that he wanted to propose with the “right” ring, then didn’t. HE took you ring shopping and looked at rings with gems, then didn’t buy one. Why would he not do what he wanted. AND, more importantly, if he had changed his mind why on earth didn’t he discuss it with you first? 

I would be saying exactly the same thing if you had disscussed getting a simple band and he had bought a huge diamond ring. This is about the lack of openness, not the ring itself. 

Post # 20
Member
9076 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

What’s more important, the proposal or your impending marriage? Your answer to that question determines how you should feel about the proposal.<br /><br />My husband asked me “Will you marry me?” That’s it. What more do you need?

Post # 21
Member
558 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
loversknot: 

I think it’s cute at the fireworks 🙂 vibrant.

I don’t think an elaborate speech is expected? Nice, but not everyone does that.

If he isn’t the type to be sentimental I don’t know what you can do. You could suggest exchanging a letter?

Post # 23
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

I know my response is a little late, but I was in the exact same boat as you when my husband proposed to me last year. I even wrote an article about it at http://theseworthlesstwocents.blogspot.com/2014/03/advice-needed-for-married-woman-please.html in an attempt to help me get over it. The truth is that I am still a little disappointed about it. For as long as we live people will ask how he proposed and I still don’t know exactly what to say except, ‘At the beach.’ You can read the article for details. I guess what has helped a little is focusing on making our marriage as happy as possible. That is difficult enough without the bad feelings from a disappointing proposal. 

Post # 24
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee

You can definitely reframe it in your mind–New Year’s Eve, fireworks, snuggling up to the man you love–that’s actually a pretty romantic moment!

As for the ring, I assume you’ll be picking out wedding rings together. That’s where you can have some input into something that will express your personal style– and no matter what you pick, it’ll look good with your simple band.

Post # 25
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I thought my proposal was a bit of a lame duck when it happened.  All of was thinking was – oh.. this is it?!    BUT,  when I retell it people say aww because they are seeing it different than I did. 

but like bgu073 a proposal on NYE with fireworks is pretty romantic and you still have the ability to say that and remember it that way.

One guy at work got engaged by her saying “i think we should get married” he said “sure, lets” and that was that.   I wasn’t engaged myself yet and I was like “that’s IT?” and all the guys rallied and told me the expectation that it was amazing was crazy and got into their lame proposals.   Some of them felt like they should have had contracts and lawyer’s present.  blah.   

Post # 26
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry that you didn’t have the proposal of your dreams, but as PP’s have said, the fact that you’re engaged to the man who is “absolutely right” for you is all that matters.  That should be your focus (and wedding planning of course!).  And don’t worry about the minute detailss: When people ask, tell them he proposed under the fireworks, and that you are wearing a simple, classic band now to allow for the dream ring in the future.  Sounds romantic and special to me!  Best of luck in your engagement and marriage!

Post # 27
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

I realize this is an old thread, but this is a pretty common issue so I’ll throw my two cents in. I was pretty disappointed with my proposal as well, my now husband was insanely nervous the night he proposed, and it was so obvious what was about to happen and yet I endured hours of awkward bumbling wherein I actually asked him if he was sick several times before he finally got down on one knee, in a location he hadn’t originally planned, on a random Wednesday, pretty underdressed, and proposed in the dark. He insisted on wearing this giant coat in 80 degree weather and hardly said a word to me throughout dinner while he sat across from me looking like the unibomber. I was pretty mad at him for botching what I felt could have been a beautiful, simple, private proposal. (I mean for starters, how hard would it have been to put on some nicer pants?!) I wasn’t expecting anything grand, any collaborators, or hidden photographers, and after 5 years of dating I felt shortchanged that I’d waited for…that. I know a lot of people feel that the fact he proposed at all is what matters, but I was afraid that what looked like a lack of planning meant maybe his heart wasn’t in it. Or that his inability to realize how special this moment was to me, meant we weren’t on the same page. Of course this made me wonder, what else are we not on the same page about?? Everyone says “it’s the thought that counts” so I wanted to know…what on earth was he thinking?! 

So I talked to him. I didn’t say “what the heck man” or even that I was upset by the proposal, which I’d already accepted, but rather asked him for all the details from his perspective. When did he buy the ring? How did he choose it? Did he tell anyone he had it? How did he come up with the idea to propose? (Whether your proposal was a bummer or not you’ll probably want to know all of these details!) As it turned out, he had originally planned on taking me out to dinner on a Friday or Saturday night, but the ring came in early in the week and was burning a hole in his pocket. “I was so afraid you’d find it or I’d lose it or something. And once I had it in hand I just couldn’t wait any longer to give it to you.” Cue the random Wednesday (aw.) He explained he figured I’d be suspicious of going to a nicer restaurant in the middle of the week, so he threw on jeans hoping the casual attire would throw me off the scent (didn’t work, but I get his thought process.) He had planned on proposing at the restaurant, thinking it might even be quieter on a Wednesday night, but misjudged the mainly corporate crowd that frequents that place. It was crowded, going strong with happy hour revelers and some kind of party going on in one of the back rooms. So he abandoned his original plan, making him even more nervous that his idea had gone awry. He wore the unseasonable, bulky coat and refused to take it off because he was hiding the ring box in his pocket. As for the excessive nervousness I teased him a little, saying as many times as we talked about getting married he had to know I was going to say yes. He said yes, logically that made sense, but all he could think of was that I also had the option to say no, and if I said no his life was going to be over. (Dramatic, but I get it. He really wanted me to say yes, and this was really important to him. )

I’ll never quite be able to get that moment back, but now I don’t have questions regarding his intentions behind it and I view the whole thing in retrospect with more love for him than agitation. He did view it as being as momentous and important as I did, his execution was just rocky. Now that we’re married when people ask how he proposed (which is rare, by the way, people are more apt to ask how you met), I keep it simple saying he took me to dinner and proposed on a walk afterward (which is completely true.) No longer does anyone expect a blow-by-blow account of every little thing that happened leading up to it. It’s just a singular moment in your relationship, and I know it seems like such a focus when you’re engaged, but the more time passes the less other people care, and it’s not definitive of what your relationship is like, or what your marriage will be like. Hope this helps!

Post # 28
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

If it makes you feel better, my mom was dissapointed with her propsal too!! My parents were only 18 at the time, but they were shopping for rings together in NYC and my mom picked out the ring she wanted. They took it home and on the bus ride back, my mom is waiting for my dad to pop the question! finally she goes “aren’t you going to as kme to marry you?” so my dad proposed quietly in the back of a dirty bus and they have been married for 37 years. I hope you feel better!

Post # 29
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
icesea117 :  Your description is one of the most charming things I’ve ever seen here. Blessings on blessings to you and your wonderful SUPER romantic spouse. 

And PLEASE, KEEP WRITING. You obviously have the Magic Touch.

Post # 30
Member
32 posts
Newbee

My sister got proposed to with what we both perceive as an ugly ring, under rather unfortunate  circumstances. There was really nothing wrong with the ring – plain, white gold, 0.35 ct round cut, but we hated that it was a double bypass solitaire. Just…meh. Not our style.

Regarding the circumstances – they sat at the couch on their second anniversary after a long, hard day, without any celebration (she didn’t care for any), watching a C grade comedy, just a horrible, horrible movie. During the movie he blurted out casually – So, will you marry me, or? And offered her a ring. He’s rather a funny guy, we all love him, and isn’t very romantic – he thought it’s enough that it happened on their anniversary, and honestly didn’t think she would expect more. She hates the ring and hates the proposal. But she married that sweet fool and they are very happy family now.

My best friend didn’t say anything about her proposal, but I can tell she’s dissapointed. On her birthday, she woke up, and whilst still in bed, her now husband brought her a present. She opened it, expecting a sweater she asked for and was sure to receive, but it was a book. So she asked playfully, not really awake – that’s it for the presents? And he spontaineously gave her a ring he meant to propose with, saying – “No, I also got you this”. She didn’t know it was an engagement ring, since it didn’t even look like one – it was a sterling ring with couple of brown gemstones, very nice, but not much engagement-like. She said – oh, how lovely, thanked him, kissed him and went to make breakfast. It took couple of hours to clear that misunderstanding up. Also he made the mistake of telling his best friend, and he quacked it up to everybody – robbing her of opportunity to announce it herself ( he did the same thing when they found out she’s pregnant).

 

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