Disappointing Proposal

posted 2 months ago in Proposals
  • poll: Am I being a total bridezilla?
    Yes, get over yourself : (120 votes)
    58 %
    Yes, it may not be ideal but he did something : (56 votes)
    27 %
    No, I understand why you are hurt : (26 votes)
    13 %
    No, he should have tried more : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    9072 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2010

    bridezilla0549 :  

    Ok, normally, I’m on Team Boyfriend in these things.  I empathize with them in consideration of how hard it must be to take the biggest emotional risk of their lives, even when they’re sure that their beloveds will say “yes”!”.

     But, you really did get a sucky proposal.  Was he laying an ice cream cone on the table?  That’s just weird.  Why he couldn’t have proposed over a nice dinner, I’ll never know.

    This happened back in March and you’re still upset?  You’re going to have to let this go sooner or later.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1421 posts
    Bumble bee

    First off, you cared so little about getting engaged that you didn’t do any thing and didn’t make any big gestures either. You also had 2.5 years.

    He bought you a ring. He was so excited to spend the rest of his life with you that he couldn’t wait once the ring was there. That’s how much he wanted to be engaged to you. He planned a special date night and wanted to make you happy.

    He was nervous. It’s nerve wracking to propose. Trust me on this. Even when you know the answer it is terrifying. Even when it’s well rehearsed, when you’re that nervouse it’s hard to remember practiced words.

    And you couldn’t listen to a word he was saying anyways, so maybe he was saying something sweet.

    Most people don’t have a photographer there. Pintrest is not a representative sample of life.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1515 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    bridezilla0549 :  yeah… you’re going to have to get over this. All proposals have their awkward moments. You built it up to be something too much. Get. Over. It. He planned a date and also added in his own little bit he wanted (ice cream) it’s not his fault you were distracted. 

    PS… not all people get that shocked moment. Just like you said… you knew he was probably going to do it. So. He. Did. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    It honestly sounds like he was just excited and nervous. You should realize that he couldn’t wait to propose and was nervous because he cares and move on. You have wedding planning to do and a future with your soon to be husband. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    469 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    So… you wanted a “private” proposal but with a photographer there? How would that have been private? 

    I also second what another bee said: it’s not like YOU planned a wonderful proposal either. Or any proposal. You didn’t buy a ring and wrote down some deep thoughts that made him cry. 

    So yes, get over yourself. He loves you, he proposed. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    4370 posts
    Honey bee

     He COULDN’T WAIT to ask you to be his wife, so he did it spontaneously and decided to “wing it”. Very few people have a photographer for their engagement. I’m also a crier and didn’t cry at my proposal or wedding – I was too excited to marry the love of my life! 

    I think someone proposing while eating ice cream is super cute and a romantic story. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    19 posts
    Newbee

    I’m sorry you didn’t get the proposal you envisioned, but yes, I think you’re overreacting a bit. This happened four months ago and you’re going to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams.

    Maybe as an introvert who hates being the center of attention, I empathize with your boyfriend, but yeah, I’d say it’s nervewracking to put yourself out there physically and emotionally. A proposal over ice cream seems private and intimate to me. He openly states that he was nervous–plus, isn’t there something to the fact that he got the ring and didn’t want to wait any longer to propose?

    About proposal photos, you’re seeing one infinitesimal sliver of proposals that happen. Not everyone cries. Not everyone gets a photographer. Not everyone has an incredible backdrop or planned-to-the-minute setup. In fact, I’d venture to say most people don’t have those things.

    Now if you think this is indicative of larger communication issues that you and your fiancé are having, then that’s something to discuss, but if this is just one disappointing moment in a vacuum, then I think it’s worth maybe a calm, reasoned conversation with your fiancé but not a whole lot more than that.

    There’s going to be a lot of things in life that don’t go according to your vision or expectations. It’s okay to be bummed for a while, but ultimately you have to roll with the punches and keep an eye on the big picture stuff.

    Post # 9
    Member
    347 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    Surprise, surprise, real life doesn’t always match up to the fantasy or pipe dreams (and just because there’s no a photograph of something to post on the internet doesn’t mean it didn’t happen or is any less meaningful).   

    You’re engaged, you’re going to be married…. be happy that your life is moving in the direction you want it to, and quit spoiling it just because it wasn’t all planned and perfect.

    Post # 10
    Member
    214 posts
    Helper bee

    The hands-over-mouth-crying reaction is a cliche. Not everyone has, or needs to have, that reaction, even when the proposal is exactly what the couple wanted.

    Yes from one perspective you could say he didn’t take your opinions into consideration. But on the other hand, I think if you had preferences strong enough that you got upset over not having them, then you should have mentioned them to him. Just because you thought it was important that he write something out doesn’t mean he thought that; maybe he thought it would be more romantic to just speak in the moment.

    I agree with bumblebug that I think it’s a sign of how excited he was that he wanted to propose as soon as he had the ring in hand. Speaking personally, that sort of excitement would mean so much more to me than any proposal plans.

     

     

     

     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee

    I am sorry you feel disappointed, Bee. I can’t really tell you if are being bridezilla or not because I have no idea how I would feel if I were in your shoes. But that may be because I reacted differently than I thought I would during my proposal.

    Before my fiancé proposed, we talked about marriage, ring size, and such so I knew it was coming. I just wasn’t sure when. Every day I dreamed of our proposal. I imagined the same scene as you: hands to the mouth shocked with happy tears, jumping into his arms with a kiss, and memorizing everything he said while he was down on one knee and soaking it all in… but that didn’t happen. He did go down on one knee at a place I love (the zoo lights although we had a fence between us?!) and he did take the time to say some some very nice things about our love and relationship but I was so caught up in, “Omg he is actually proposing. I am actually being proposed to,” that I ended up not hearing a word he said and just kept shaking my head yes until he stopped talking. No tears were shed and there was no hand to the mouth shock like I imagined. After shaking my head yes, the first thing out of my mouth was, “What do we do next? Put on the ring on first or kiss?” Although my fiancé did everything right, I did everything opposite of what I dreamed I would do and I was surprised by my reaction all night and worried that I disappointed him with my awkward reaction. I later realized my nerves just got to me. I wish we could do it again so I could keep my mind straight and soak it all in, but that’s life. I’m just hoping I don’t get awkward like that during our wedding lol.

    And that may be the same for your SO as well. 🙂 I wouldn’t sweat it too much. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee

    This is entirely about attitude.  You could take the attitude that your fiance was so excited to propose that he did it as soon as he got the ring and was so nervous, he blurted it out over ice cream, that you are thrilled to be getting married and are excited for your married life together.  Or you could take the attitude that he didn’t meet your proposal expectations so it’s all ruined, ruined forever!  It’s going to be a long, unhappy marriage if you choose the latter attitude every time he doesn’t live up to images in your head.

    Give your fiance the benefit of the doubt, and cut him some slack.  That’s a skill that will be useful your whole married life because humans are bound to disappoint each other’s expectations sometimes.  In this case, it’s easy to say, “Oh, fiance was so cute!  He took me out for dinner and proposed at his favorite ice cream place.  He was so nervous!  I adore him and can’t wait to be married.”

    If it makes you feel better, imagine all those crying women in proposal photos are crying because they’ve been waiting for years and years for a proposal and had a big argument about it so he proposed.  It’s just as likly as any of the other things you are imagining about their proposals.

    Post # 13
    Member
    129 posts
    Blushing bee

    FWIW, the “hand over the mouth crying” thing that you see on Instagram and Pinterest seems so unrealistic and contrived to me. The only people in real life that I know who reacted that way were people who were genuinely shocked their SO was proposing because it hadn’t been discussed beforehand. Most people discuss it beforehand — many even pick their own ring out. Being proposed to isn’t shocking when you know it’s coming! 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1221 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2020

    The proposal isn’t changing, but your attitude and the way you think about it can.

    I also got the less-than-I-wanted proposal. And I was bummed about it for a couple weeks. Didn’t cry over it. But you know what? I’m ENGAGED! And I’m engaged to an absolutely wonderful man! THAT’s what I chose to focus on, not the proposal. 

    Now that you’re engaged, you can plan the most Pinterest worthy, emotional, and amazing wedding in the world, with as many photographers as you’d like. You can have so many more photo-worthy moments in life, don’t wreck your relationship up over this one.

    Post # 15
    Member
    343 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2019

    It’s disappointing when our ideals aren’t met. I don’t think that makes you a bridezilla. I certainly wouldn’t say anything to him though. He was probably a mix of excitement, anticipation, and anxiety. 

     

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