Disappointing Proposal

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Am I being a total bridezilla?

    Yes, get over yourself

    Yes, it may not be ideal but he did something

    No, I understand why you are hurt

    No, he should have tried more

  • Post # 16
    3042 posts
    Sugar bee

    Look at it this way:  once the ring was ready, he literally couldn’t wait to put it on your finger!

    And for the rest of your life, every time you eat ice cream you can feel warm fuzzies and look at your ring and smile. 

    Post # 17
    2122 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I sympathize. And I don’t think it’s valid to chastise the OP for not proposing herself. Clearly, both parties expected her Fiance to propose, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That said, what can you do? It sounds like your Fiance loves you and did the best he could at the time. Accept this and choose to move on and plan a wonderful wedding. Sometimes things don’t happen exactly the way we want them to, but unless you are going to leave your Fiance over this (I am assuming you are not), please find a way to let go and move on.

    Post # 18
    644 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2018

    I think it is kinda sweet in a way. 

    He was just so excited to ask you that he couldnt wait. He was so nervous he couldnt get out the words. It is adorable. It sounds like he picked an ice cream place not jsut becasue he wanted some after dinner, but beasue it made him feel more comfortable, there is nothing wrong with that. 

    My fiance pulled off a pretty decent proposal, but he had planned a lovely speech and he was litteraly able to say one line between the tears and stage fright. (at first I was so confused, I just look over and he was crying and I was like wwhhhaaa?) It was sweet and adorable. That was in Oct 2017, he STILL beats himself up over it. Me? I don’t care.. He could have thrown the ring at me and ran through the grand canyon and I would have been happy. 

    Just support your fiance and love that he loves you. 

    Post # 19
    171 posts
    Blushing bee

    I can see where you’re coming from – when expectations don’t align with reality, we can’t help but think how we would have changed things – but I think “Bridezilla” might be too harsh of a label to put on yourself. It’s totally human to acknowledge the negative feelings you have about the way your fiance proposed, but it doesn’t mean you have to let those feelings dictate how you feel about being engaged.

    I love the comment that 

    View original reply
    misslucy : left…find the good in what happened and move on! Work with your fiance to make your wedding day super special and exactly what you both want – and you’ll have a hard time ruminating on the proposal. 🙂

    Post # 20
    7162 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    He planned your first date night in over a year and was so excited that he couldn’t stop himself from proposing AS SOON AS he got the ring. You really need to change the story you’re telling yourself- especially months later. Why aren’t you just enjoying being engaged and wedding planning?

    And you should give him a heads up that he needs to “write down his emotions” before the wedding, maybe tell him to share them with you so you can add in your edits and he can practice saying his emotions in a way that’s acceptable for you (and that you’ll actually listen to). That will also give you time to make note about where you’ll start to cry and whatnot.

    You say you know relationships aren’t like movies but you sound like you missed out on the authentic magic and beauty of your proposal because it didn’t match what you imagined. You could also tell your proposal story (to yourself and others) like this:

    “My Fiance (FI!) and I got engaged a few months ago and it was nothing like what I’d imagined but it was still absolutely perfect. I’d told him I wanted something private and special and he was so excited to propose that as soon as he got the ring, he arranged our first date night in over a year. After dinner, he took us out for his favorite treat (ice cream! In March! In Colorado!) and told me how much he loved me while we sat at a table surrounded by other people. I was so focused on him that they all faded away and I could tell he was nervous so I held his hand and he looked into my eyes and I felt so connected to him and so cherished- he combined his favorite sweets- me and ice cream (lol)- even though the weather wasn’t ideal. He didn’t want to wait. I’m so looking forward to sharing my life with a man who is so eager to share his life with me.”

    Change the way you see things and you’ll change the things you see.

    Post # 21
    658 posts
    Busy bee

    I didn’t get the big speech either; he was too nervous, was visible shaking, voice cracking and just blurted it out. But you know what, it was perfect, I’m getting to marry my Mr. Right and I couldn’t be more excited. Since then we’ve had the ‘everything I love about you’ talks which in a perfect world would be expressed during a proposal but at the same time I didn’t need it because I knew how he felt about me.

    Post # 22
    7741 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    You seem to be forgetting that the proposal is also about HIM. So maybe you can plan the wedding without any of his input, and you can write his vows to you to make sure they’re romantic enough. Be sure you choose what he wears to make sure the pictures are perfect, because clearly photos are more important than the actual event. 

    Proposing is a hugely nerve-wracking event for most men, and I’m of the opinion that there are very few ways a man can really mess it up (although tying the ring to his penis with toilet paper would fit into that catefory). This man loves you. He took you on a nice date; he couldn’t wait to give you the ring once he received it. And maybe he depended on his heart to tell you how he felt instead of writing himself a script. Cut him a break. Can you imagine after being SO excited to propose that he just couldn’t wait and then your SO telling you that you did it “wrong”, that it was bad enough to cry yourself to sleep? Yikes. If the proposal not being “perfect” was something to cry yourself to sleep over, what would you do in a real tragedy?

    Post # 23
    327 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    bridezilla0549 :  You did this to yourself by setting up high expectations (which is fine) but you did not make it known to your BF what you wanted. Curling your hair, doing your nails etc is too much of a set up/staged.. if you wanted a rehearsed, staged, pinterest proposal, you could have told him that. If you wanted a surprise proposal, you shouldn’t stage your expectations.

    Post # 24
    2730 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I disagree with other PPs. It’s not that he just couldn’t wait to propose; they’ve been together 2.5 years. I don’t know the backstory behind that, but he could have planned something in that time. 

    Some people will say the proposal shouldn’t matter. I think it should matter, and your Fiance should have taken the time and consideration to make it special. He may have dropped the ball a bit there. 

    However, I think you need to focus on the positives. He proposed. He took you out for a date to do it, and you’re getting married! Focusing on something that’s over and done with doesn’t solve anything. It just makes so resentful and hurt, and that hurt builds over time as you take out this moment to dwell on and critique. It’s hard to move on from something that hurts us, but that’s what makes us able to be mature adults who don’t let disappointment run their lives. 

    Post # 25
    7806 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Sounds pretty sweet to me. You wanted it to be private but you wanted a photographer? 

    Do you want to marry this man and spend the rest of your life with him? If yes, then get over it. So he was nervous. I’ve heard much worse proposal stories…

    Post # 26
    1195 posts
    Bumble bee

    Other than being in a busy crowded place, which personally I wouldn’t enjoy let alone think it’s an appropriate place for a proposal (luckily fiancé is on the same page regarding crowds), I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a spontaneous proposal. Most guys I know didn’t write a big speech about why they want to marry you and I think it’s unfair to expect that. A simple “ I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you” should sufficed. 

    If it was a leisurely stroll while eating ice cream after dinner, I think that could’ve been quite romantic. Like, I want to spend the rest of my life strolling with you while eating ice cream kind of thing. I think it’s just poor execution.

    I also don’t think it’s anything wrong with proposing right after getting the ring, he couldn’t wait to propose as soon as he got the ring! One of my friends’ husband did that, he got the ring and asked her dad for permission, he was going to plan a proposal after that but after he got the permission, he just couldn’t wait, so he knelt down in their living room with their two dogs by his side and she loved it. 

    Post # 27
    4055 posts
    Honey bee

    To answer your poll question: yes. You are being a bridezilla. Going by your username, I think even you know that. 

    Post # 28
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    Mine proposed while I was cooking dinner because he was so excited he couldn’t wait. I thought it was adorable. 

    You need to get over it and realize that you didn’t even try to see the good in the gesture. This post comes across very selfish.

    Post # 29
    3235 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    Overtime you will see how special this moment was.

    Post # 30
    2414 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You’re disappointed because you didn’t cry? Really?

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