Disappointing Proposal

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
  • poll: Am I being a total bridezilla?

    Yes, get over yourself

    Yes, it may not be ideal but he did something

    No, I understand why you are hurt

    No, he should have tried more

  • Post # 31
    Member
    2851 posts
    Sugar bee

    I did get the big speech. And guess what? I don’t remember a word he said. Seriously. My brain was like “Omg, he is PROPOSING. RIGHT NOW. God, why didn’t I dress up nicer. Are people staring at us? Wow, look how nervous he is. I’ve never seen him sweat like that. Oh, he’s done talking. And holy shit, look at how that rock sparkles! Tell him yes already!”

    I’m sure he said all the right stuff, but I was kinda caught up in the fact that he was actually proposing. A lot of Bees will tell you, they don’t really remember the big speech their SO made. It sounds to me like your SO was really freaking nervous, and he asked you literally the day the ring was done because he couldn’t wait anymore. Sounds romantic to me!

    And considering he did not tie the ring to his dick with a piece of toilet paper (yes this happened to one Bee), I think you’re overreacting. Rejoice in being engaged, and enjoy wedding planning.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1758 posts
    Buzzing bee

    That is a disappointing proposal, I’d be upset, too. I had a “winged” proposal with my first marriage and I really should have listened to my gut. He winged most things, he was not a planner, he procrastinated, he disappointed me constantly after that- he even winged our honeymoon, he bought plane ticket and hotel but planned nothing else, had no frickin clue what to do once we were there. Only reason I had any fun was because I found things to do. ME!! A lot of the marriage was like that. Sure he’d do things he liked but never thought to do something I would like. So I just started doing stuff without him. Then it was like why are we even married?!

    Post # 33
    Member
    978 posts
    Busy bee

    I think the proposal plan is entirely up to the one proposing. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    10561 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    You got ice cream, ice cream is never disappointing. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    2200 posts
    Buzzing bee

    In real life I know almost no one who had a more elaborate proposal than maybe at a restaurant or on a hike.  My husband proposed in our living room when I had just returned from the gym because he just couldn’t wait when he got the ring.  I thought it was a little weird but whatever I was engaged! 

    Post # 36
    Member
    769 posts
    Busy bee

     

    Well, I had a so-called ‘perfect’ proposal but my marriage was sh*t and ended in a violent separation. So that’s that. frown

    If that is any consolation, you guys will be fine, as long as both of you love each other and are willing to create a happy married life.

    Oh…. and one of you isn’t an @sshole. That helps too. wink

    Post # 37
    Member
    4836 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’ve said this before on here…my husband isn’t one with words and he is also quite shy and gets extremely and painfully nervous when out of his comfort zone. For our proposal he took me to a nice  dinner and then to the park  bench we had our first kiss on overlooking the ocean. He knew I’d say yes but he was still super nervous that he forgot his little ‘speech’ and to get on one knee like he’d planned. Instead he sat next to me took the ring box out and said are you going to put it on?  

    I think its adorable and I find it hilarious and very us! To this day I still rib him about it and get immense joy slyly inserting ‘are you going to put it on’ into random acts into our life together! He usually shakes his head at me but I know he finds it as entertaining as I do. 

    OP, he didn’t do it in a grandiose way as you imagined or hoped with flowery prose but it was still very sweet and romantic just the same. He got the ring and was so excited to propose that he did it the same day. He planned a meal out and to do it on a cold blistery night over ice cream! He then proceeded to be nervous at the time of the proposal that he didn’t quite get all the words out as he planned. That sounds actually quite cute and very real to me. It also sounds like a lot of emotion was behind his proposal to you. He loves you bee and honestly that emanates through your telling of your proposal story on here. I hope you can start to see it the way everybody else see’s it here.

    OP, s lot of us have posted our stories and as you can see very few of us have had the type of proposal you were hoping for. I think the type of proposal you dreamed of is very much the exception and not the rule because most of us marry real people with real feelings and human behaviors in real life where nobody is feeding a script or can shout cut and take two. You got a proposal from a man who genuinely loves you and one who tried to make it special with a meal and an ice cream proposal. How would you have proposed if the roles were reversed? Would it have been that different and do you not think you might be slightly nervous if the roles were reversed?

     

    Post # 38
    Member
    853 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I know real life is not made up of fairy tales and what you see in movies is not an accurate representation of real life

    Actually, you don’t seem to get this at all. The person you love asked you to marry them and you cried yourself to sleep because it wasn’t exactly what you wanted. Oh no – he dared to do it at a place that had something he enjoyed and it wasn’t 100% only about you…Did you write down and rehearse a script about how you felt about him?

    Sorry you feel this way, but you are choosing to turn this into a problem. It’s about attitude/perspective. You are in control of this. Maybe it’s not your cup of tea, but a genuine proposal, nerves and all with ice cream would sound great to a lot of people. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    717 posts
    Busy bee

    My proposal was also ‘winged’ I was proposed to by a locked gate! I didn’t even know it was happening. My partner had 5 years to work out a proposal but didn’t. 

     

    Honestly? I don’t tell people how we got engaged because it’s really a let down story! But even though I cared at the time, 9 months later? Don’t even care! Yes I didn’t get an all singing all dancing proposal, but I’m still marrying him and that’s all that matters!

    Post # 40
    Member
    332 posts
    Helper bee

    My husband thought of all kinds of very elaborate proposals, to include flying family in for it. He had the ring for weeks as he tried to figure out the perfect way to ask me to marry him. So what ended up happening?

    My actual proposal was in a parking lot (the place we first saw each other in person), with the kids (mine and his) standing around us. He kept getting interrupted by the youngest (gotta love ADHD at a moment like that!) and he eventually had the youngest go sit in the car so he could finish. LOL!

    I don’t recall a word that was said, or even if he got on one knee. But I said yes, and here we are 8 years later. And the proposal was a small blip (albeit significant) of time in our life together.

    My advice? Be thankful. Nothing else. Just take a deep breath and look to the future knowing it will be with him.

    Post # 41
    Member
    33 posts
    Newbee

    I was proposed to whilst covered head to toe in fake tan, unshowered, in my pjamas, on our bedroom floor right in front of the ensuite. In shock, I was like ‘what? No! here? Wait, later!’ and he was like ‘No, now!’ and we still laugh about it to this day. I tease him that he proposed in front of a toilet. And it’s also funny because that night we were headed to an event that was near my absolute favourite botanical gardens and the following week we had a luxury trip planned for our anniversary. 

    Try telling that story to those who ask! Lol! His reasoning was because he wanted to totally surprise me or I would have seen it coming. And to be honest any man that can propose to me in the state that I was in rather than me at my best dressed up to the nines with everything perfect means that he truly loves me. 

    The fact that he couldn’t wait after he picked up the ring and he was so nervous he was dropping an ice cream on the table means he truly loves you. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    105 posts
    Blushing bee

    You’re not a bridezilla, but it appears to me that this is your boyfriend’s usual personality? There’s no way this is the first time he’s acted so unsure and lacking in confidence and care for what he’s doing. So I guess if you want a well-planned, confident proposal, don’t date a guy with such a random and weird personality…Your whole life is going to be like this because that’s just how he is.

    Post # 43
    Member
    3898 posts
    Honey bee

    OP, no one can invalidate your feelings because after all, they are your feelings.  However, if you are this disappointed over the actions of our future husband, maybe you aren’t as compatible as you need to be for the long haul.

    This could be an indication of bigger issues and maybe your disappointment in the proposal is based on your relationship as a whole.

    Post # 44
    Member
    7624 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Did you plan any big grand gestures in the 2.5 years you were together? I’m not trying to be mean but am trying to get you to take a step back and look at the situation. I feel like society puts so much pressure on the male to make this big gesture and it seems like nothing is expected from the female.

    Another thing to consider, has he ever made any well thought out gestures? If not, I think it’s unrealistic to expect one now. This was a few months ago so I think it’s time for you to move on.

    ETA: I highly doubt the engagement was unimportant to him. If you truly feel that way, it’s time to talk to him about it.

    Post # 45
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    I actuallu think its sweet, an ice cream place is something I would remember (i have good memories with ice cream 😂😂).I appreciate your upset on what you thought it would be but life really isn’t a film. In the 2 and half years you have been together he must have made many grand/romantic gestures, so why did it have to be this day that was a grand gesture too. Maybe it just needed to be somewhere he was comfortable, and he was excited?

    My partner had gone above and beyond on birthdays with tonnes of surprises, posh hotels, michelin star restaurants, trips away etc that would have all been amazing settings for a proposal instead it was a nice restaurant that was loud and busy and all he said was “i know you have been waiting for this so here you go” so i actually questioned if he wanted it to even proposr at all. We discussed it a lot that week to make sure he wasn’t just doing it for me. And i see from his point that he may have done a grand gesture but he went with a restaurant I wanted to go to that was comfortable for both of us and he was stuck for what to say and isn’t very emotional. I had to accept it for what it was and understand it doesnt mean anything bad as he’s done plenty of romantic things before.

    I think you need to talk to your partner and understand and definitely let go of the resentment, i feel that’s a bit unfair. and god I’ve heard much much worse proposals!!! (Even my dads proposal to my mum!).

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