(Closed) Disappointing proposal, talked with him and he broke up with me!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I don’t want you to think this is too harsh but, honestly, I could see why he’s having doubts.  Now, I don’t think I would have broken up with you in that situation but I would have had issue with your reaction.  How could he not have?  He planned it out in a way he thought was special and in a surprise format and that just made you feel wrong.  He has a right to be offended.

I think a lot of people who get proposed to on here have really unrealistic expectations about proposals thanks to the media.  I don’t know how you can make it up to him but I can understand why he would be upset.

That said, I’m sorry you’re going through this.  It sounds like it sucks for you.

Post # 3
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

MBelle:  sorry to be mean… But you sound very shallow like the size of the ring is more important than the man you love wanting to marry you.  Not sure of what size ring you were hoping for… be thankful he parted with his hard earned money to buy you anything at all….. You are very very un grateful and no suprises he has his doubts.  I think the proposal sounds cute and I have friends who had far less done and are very happily married.  My proposal was nothing grand… And my Ring is simple but I have so much joy in my heart that he is choosing me to marry that oneroa the materialistic stuff matters.  I cannot believe you brought it up with him… didnt the joy of being engaged outweigh anything else ? 

Post # 4
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Wow.. honestly with his proposal and all I would of been thrilled!!! Me & my husband didn’t go through a “proposal” we only had an agreement to get married… & I was okay with that.. But if he even went out of his way to propose like your ex bf I truly would of been soooo happy and grateful. It sucks that he broke up with you so quickly, but It probably hurted him more then you being hurt with just a “bad proposal & a small diamond”. Hope all the best for you. These kind of situations make me feel a lot thankful for what I got and what I shouldn’t complain about. 

wish you the best!

Post # 5
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

You will probably get flack for this post but at the same time I can see that you might have been on a different page regarding the proposal. I think he saw it as romantic and you weren’t associating it as special and just as your usual nights.

now re:the ring I don’t know how old you guys are, how much money you have? But honestly a 0.05 carat ring is super small these days and i think a lot of people would be a bit miffed if that was a ring you are meant to love and wear for the rest of your life. If that was genuniely all he could afford after saving every penny then that’s different but if he just chose that ring when it’s obviously not the type of ring you want then i find it a bit strange. If you had repeatedly told him the ring doesn’t matter or never wore jewellery etc it would make more sense.

He seemed pretty quick to back out of the deal and cut you from his life so i would ask whether you really think it’s the right relationship. Yes you both had communication issues but to leave over it seems extreme.

Post # 6
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

MBelle:  I’m sorry to hear this happened to you, but I agree with PP. He may not have been able to propose the way you wanted, but from what I’m reading, it seems that he gave you his best. (Realize that his best may not necessarily be what you expect).

I can see why he’s so upset, and I’m sure you regret acting that way, but honestly, contacting all your mutual friends to find him is definitely not attractive. If/when he’s ready to talk to you again, he’ll either reach out to you or let himself be found. For now, you may want to focus on yourself and your well being.

 

Post # 7
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Anybody else thinks this is a regular bee gone anon writing a “cautionary tale” for future bees? Double whammy: proposal and ring disappointment!

Friendly bees turning into wasps in 5, 4, 3, 2……

Post # 8
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

“And besides the waitress no one else around us even noticed.”

I couldn’t believe was how small the diamond was.”

With statements like that, you are exactly what he described. You want attention and everyone to fawn over you more than you want a marriage to a man who loves you.

I wouldn’t want to marry someone like that either.

Post # 9
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

Soon2ElopeBee:  I kind of suspected that actually. Like a way for some bee to make a commentary about posts like this without being blatant.

Post # 10
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Haha, my proposal kind of sucked. He picked me up in the airport and just sort of slipped the ring onto my hand and said, “This is for you”. I hadn’t even been expecting it. It was a surprise. I mean, we had talked about getting married one day but the proposal came out of the blue. He was really nervous, and I think he just wanted to get the really nerve-wracking part over with.

We both sort of wish it had been done differently, made a little more special, but it’s something we laugh about now.

Post # 11
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I realise that from your point of view and from the media and some stories about proposals by other bees here that it might not have been what you hoped for. 

However, as a third party and reading the story about the proposal, I was touched. For some guys, expressing emotions is hard enough and a proposal is a declaration of his love for you and his wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. I think that’s what counts most. 

Post # 12
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

I can’t believe you are so shallow and am inclined to think almost that this is not a real post!

I love the Bee in most ways but your attitude sums up the one particular aspect that I hate about it.  There is so much ridiculous emphasis on the proposal and ring and the fact is that it should just be two people deciding they love each other enough to want to spend the rest of their lives together in marriage.

To be quite honest I applaud your boyfriend for standing up for himself and not buying into this crap.  Hopefully you, and others, will learn from this.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Koalaclark.
Post # 13
Member
2740 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I can understand how & why you are feeling the way you are. I think it goes a bit deeper…but correct me if I’m wrong.  It’s not that you want attention from everyone, but it’s that you feel special when the guy makes a big deal with the proposal. . .like declaring his love for you by shouting it from the rooftop! And as far as the ring goes, it’s just a difficult & touchy situation. A lot of women want a beautiful sparkly diamond. I personally feel like it’s natural. It’s about the sacrifice too. The more sacrifice that is made, again, the more loved & special we feel. So I just don’t think it’s about the proposal & ring only on the surface. It’s bizarre to propose to someone one day & then break up with them a week later. It sounds to me like it’s an emotional reaction. 

Post # 14
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Sorry, but I am also inclined to think this is fake. However on the off chance that it isn’t, brace yourself for one of Weddingbee’s favorite hobbies – flagellating other women for being ‘shallow’ and ‘materialistic’ while voluntarily spending their free time hanging around a website based on pretty rings and weddings.

Personally, I think your proposal was heartfelt and cute and certainly not worthy of complaint, but it still seems like a complete over-reaction for him to break up with you for communicating your honest feelings about it and the ring (as long as you did it sensitively). . Yes, engagement rings are a symbol and can come with a lot of emotional baggage for men, but if he’s willing to break up with you over preferring a different style of jewelry and wanting a little more Hollywood romance in your life then perhaps he wasn’t as invested in the relationship as marriage would require anyway. It sounds like he had you up on a pedestal and then couldn’t handle it when it turned out that your feet are made of clay like everyone else.

I agree with other Bees that you should stop trying to reach out and take some time for yourself. Chasing him is not going to bring him back, it is just going to drive him further away. There are other fish in the sea and hopefully you will find one better suited to your preferences in future.

Post # 15
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee

0.05 carats is ridiculously small! if he had to save up for that then there’s no flippin’ way he could support a family! you dodged a bullet! don’t marry a loser, love is great but a girl also needs to eat

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