(Closed) Disappointing proposal, talked with him and he broke up with me!

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Phoenicia:  

MrsMeowton:  

the op’s ex acted appallingly and he’s unstable? Really? the OP showed him a deeply materialistic side of herself and it was probably completely a one-sided conversation.  not “I had my eye on something more dramatic, how would you feel if we picked out a really blingy wedding band” but “you gave me a horrible ring and a horrible proposal!!!”  Complete with loads of tears and drama. No you don’t have to blindly adore whatever ring you’re given but you also don’t get free reign to freak out when the ring isn’t up to your standards. The op’s ex genuinely thought he was doing something lovely for her; the OP lost her rag over it not being good enough for her. I don’t blame him for heading for the hills.

Post # 77
Member
7416 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

MBelle:  your ex probably blocked you on phone, Facebook etc because he doesn’t want to talk to you. Not a red flag. It’s a normal response to someone who has just broken your heart. If he wants to talk tomyou, he knows how to find you. Let him go for now.

 

Post # 78
Member
2087 posts
Buzzing bee

Horseradish:  Totally agree. It’s not like he randomly cheaped out on a ring, he went and found something that she had said before that she liked. He also proposed at a place he felt had meaning to them.

I think this is the epitome of “guys aren’t mind readers.” If you expect a huge ring and a lavish proposal, you need to say so BEFOREHAND. 

Post # 79
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

This just made my sunday funday a little more complete… you both obviously had communication issues. If this is how things turned out, is he really someone you want to marry? 

Stop beating a dead dog. He’s gone. move on. 

Post # 81
Member
966 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

MBelle:  if his mail is being forwarded, send him a letter.

Post # 82
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I too would be disappointed with 0.05 carats, but his actual proposal sounds sweet and I think you really went about this the wrong way. It is hard for men to put themselve sout there and propose and to get shot down like this must be heartbreaking.

I say give him time and he may make contact, but ultimately this has shown you’re not a good match.

Post # 83
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee

surlygirl:  Ihaven’t read any other answers,so I don’t know what the rest of the room is saying, but honey: I agree with your ex boyfriend:  you blew it.  He went out of the way to make it senimental  and  you you were more interested in the glitz and the show so you would be able to wow your girlfriends.

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but IMO you really don’t seem like you appreciate what sounds like a sweet thoughtful guy you had.  Sorry.

Post # 84
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - County courthouse

Sorry to say…but you sound like a spoiled brat. He bought you a ring and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you and you’re pouting like a baby. He dodged a bullet with this one.

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  sexymama118.
Post # 85
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m not going to applaud your behavior in this. But I’m also not going to lionize your ex-fiance. It’s very odd to me that he went from wanting to marry you, to ending it, based on a single (albeit truly dreadful) offense.

Life is long. If you’re lucky enough to be married to the same person throughout your adult life, you’re probably going to go through a difficult period or two, in which you feel like your faith in the other person is shaken. The key to a successful marriage is knowing how to work through those times and emerge stronger for them.

One assumes that his faith in your relationship was never stronger than when he proposed to you. Yet apparently your disappointment in the ring and his proposal shattered his faith so completely that it didn’t even seem worth trying to repair, to him.

(That bolded part is key. You gave him every reason to doubt his decision to propose to you. But I think it very telling that he didn’t even consider it worth his time to see if his faith in you could be repaired.)

Regardless of your role in this, it doesn’t seem like his feelings for you, and his faith in you two as a couple, were strong enough to furnish the foundation for a solid, life-long marriage.

In short, you BOTH may have dodged a bullet, here.

Post # 86
Member
9040 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

calendula:  I would say that if someone’s SO dumped them and cut off all communications after they shit allover their proposal like an ungrateful brat that it was probably the straw that broke the camel’s back. No one just up and exhibits the behaviour that the OP showed as a one off. Entitled people are usually like that fulltime.

Post # 87
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

 

MBelle:  ring on your finger or it never happened.  I could pull a stock ring photo from the internet and claim that ring was “just like mine”, too.  

Post # 88
Member
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

MBelle:  I know this is a hard time for you so I will try not to be unnecessarily harsh.  Here’s my advice;<br />1. Stop with the “my part” bit.  “Your part” is all of it.  Full stop.  If a couple is thinking marriage, and talking marriage, and one has very firm ideas of what one expects, it is up to them to make that known.  If you didn’t, then what he chooses is up to him.  What he did for you and gave you (0.20 ct) is not unreasonable by any stretch and if you wanted a specific size of stone you should have tested the waters during the prior conversations.  “His part” is being shocked, disappointed and feeling rejected by the woman he wanted to marry in 6 months.

2.  Send one letter, given his mail is being forwarded.  Explain yourself and beg him to reconsider and lay out an action plan for how you and he (mostly you) will make ammends and heal the relationship if he is willing to take the risk and try to forgive/forget and move forward with you.

3. Learn an important lesson about what is *most* important in life and in love.  Yes, grand proposals and fireworks and sparklies are lovely, but love, honesty, respect, communication and realistic expectations are so so so much more important than those silly frills. 

I’m sorry this is happening to you but it is of your own creation.

Post # 89
Member
3870 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Horseradish:  I let my Fiance read the entire thing and I asked him what his honest reaction would have been. He said he would have been hurt and angry with me (even if it wasn’t a calm talk and was an actual freak out with tears and drama). However, he would have never ended it with me over that. He agreed it seemed a little extreme this guy went from wanting to get married to deucing out over this. He doesn’t think OP acted very well, but he said this wouldn’t be cause to break up with someone. This is my opinion. I said very plainly I don’t agree with OP’s reaction and the way she went about this, but her boyfriend just yanked the chain and deuced the hell out. I don’t agree with that. Throwing out an entire relationship over something like this is incredibly extreme. I stand by that 100%. 

Post # 90
Member
9040 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t care if a women dictates/communicates her expectations of what she wants in a proposal, it still does not mean that she is owed or deserves it. Sorry but real life doesn’t work that way. The proposal is the domain of whoever is doing the asking. They get to decide on what they think you will like mixed in with what they like since the proposal is about two people.

Society certainly is getting ridiculous with it’s entitlement, selfishness, attention seeking and materialism. It is posts like this that make me think that we are a lost cause.

 

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