- 10 years ago
- Wedding: December 2008
I had a fabulous wedding and was lucky to be friends with most of our vendors (small town living at it’s best!) but something happened that haas left me disappointed and I would love to get some outside opinions as to wether I was justified in my feelings or not.
Disclaimer – I realize now that things could have been easier / smoother / all around less uncomfortable if I had communicated better with this particular ‘friendor’ especially months before the wedding not just weeks before.
Here’s the situation – a friend and his wife are a minister and wedding planner. Even before we were engaged he was insisting hat he be the one to marry us, so once we were engaged, we started talking to both of them about our wedding. They met with us early on together and gave us lots of good ideas, but of course, I found lots of my own ideas and planned the event basically on my own.
Early on (in Jan 08) I contacted our friend the planner to ask her how much she would charge to be our DOC – her reply was that it would be no charge, it would be her gift to us. Great!
So the planning continued, we emailed frequently about flowers and other details, she contacted one or two vendors on my behalf, but the majority of planning I did myself (I’m just that way, it took me a long time to make decisions and I like being in charge and I’m a very detail-oriented person) but the whole time I was under the impression (based on her email) that she would be our DOC.
Fast forward to about 3 weeks before the wedding. We are having a last informal meeting with the two of them (minister and planner) about our ceremony – and in the prior month I had been emailing the planner frequently with my day of schedule and other details but not really getting much input back from her — I assumed that meant that my schedules were right on and my plans were set for her to execute them on the big day. Well at the meeting we find out that our minister no longer has another wedding 2 hours after ours but that our planner has a big wedding on our day and won’t be arriving until after 6pm.
I was shocked. Although we hadn’t spoken explicitly about exactly when she would be arriving and what she would be doing, I was still under the impression that she was going to be my DOC! We were 3 weeks out and I was dumbfounded. So pretty much after that I gave up and let the wedding run its own course and hope taht the planning I did would pay off.
Everything ended up turning out fine, but certain things were less than ideal, and others were very stressful. My bridesmaids had to set up our aisle runner, programs and fans, reception accessories like bathroom baskets etc wen Darling Husband and I were having our reveal and photos taken. This cut into our time to have ‘girl’ photos taken before the ceremony. The rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner were very chaotic and very stressful for me with everyone looking to me to tell them where to stand and what to do and luckily my photographer was at the rehearsal and she took charge.
So basically I was (am) disappointed that my friend didn’t tell me sooner that she was taking another wedding and couldn’t be my DOC. She does not understand why I would be disappointed at all because ‘everything went fine’ I feel lucky that everything went fine and extremely lucky to have had a photographer who will take charge and do coordinating things that need to get done. Had I found out sooner I most likely would have either hired someone else or at least I would have been mentally prepared ahead of time and would have done more to set up the details before the day of.
From her point of view, she made nearly $1,000 at the other wedding, I had done a ton of planning and everything was taken care of and I had great vendors that she knows well and trusts that they always do a great job. From her point of view I didn’t need a DOC.
From my point of view she backed out on me and was afraid to admit that she needed to take the paying job until it was too late for me to do anything about it.
What do you think? Should I jsut forget about it and move on?
Was I wrong to assume that an offer to be my DOC free of charge was the same as hiring a DOC? ps – I offered to pay, I inquired how much, that’s when she offered to do it for free. Was I wrong not to follow up and confirm our plans months ahead of time?
It’s bothering me because the wedding is still so fresh in my mind and also because my feelings are so different than hers.
Thanks for letting me vent in this ultra-long post!~