- 5 years ago
Last night, I was called a bridezilla for the first time.
It was a really frustrating experience. My problems aren’t really with my bridesmaids, but rather with my maids-of-honor. Yes, Maids, plural. My bridesmaids are wonderfully supportive but living in other states. My maids of honor are my younger sisters. I feel like it is pulling teeth to get my sisters to do anything. Yes, they are young-ish. But at 22 and 24, I don’t think that they are so young that they don’t understand responsibility.
I know that this is MY wedding, so I should lose the expectation that other people will want to help me with anything. But I just feel like these aren’t just *other people*. These are my sisters. For years I went with one of them on a weekly basis to help her to do her job at work so that she could get it done sooner. I’ve tutored, edited papers at 2 AM, attended every performance/game even if it meant me taking off of work early, etc. With my sisters, its not exactly a two way street because I am several years older, but still, I just feel like they are adults now and should be able to step up and support me a little. Now, I know that I sound like I think that I am *owed* this as repayment for helping them over the years, but I don’t think that is entirely true.
Maids of Honor would not go bridemaids dress shopping with me (or wedding dress shopping, for that matter). I asked on several occassions, had cancelation after cancelation on the dates that we set (months in advance, only to be canceled for lunch with a friend or a party). Eventually, I found a dress from a store that was going out of business and had them hold it for me (they were not supposed to, but said if I was there first thing the next morning they could do it), as Maid/Matron of Honor #1 said that she would come the next morning to try it on. The next morning came and she decided she would rather sleep in than come to see the dress, so I just bought it. I am paying for all of the dresses for my girls, so I figured I had the last say. I brought the dresses home (both sisters live with my parents) and asked them to just try them on because if they didn’t fit there was another store 5 hours away that had the next sizes up and down, but that this store wouldn’t let me purchase by phone so I would have to drive there. MOHs did not try on the dresses, and now one needs to be taken way way in and the other let out. This is hard as they are fully beaded gowns. I am paying for alterations, so what the alterations gal told me would be $40 per dress is now $150 per dress. This is extra money that I am spending that could have been avoided if they would have just tried them on like I asked, after I hand delivered them to them. I have been so frustrated.
So, now its a month out and crunch time, but we haven’t taken the dresses to be altered because MOHs won’t decide on shoes. Not only are they not deciding on shoes, but they are not looking. I am not asking a lot- I told them that they could wear whatever shoe they wanted. They told me what they are looking for (very specific), and that they havent had time to look (although they are literally at the mall every week). MOHs told me that if I want the dress altered soon, I have to find them shoes. So, out I go running all over town, buying several options for them to try. I finally got them to commit to shoes and called my alterations lady who said that if they don’t get in to get fitted this weekend she would have to rush the dresses, which will cost me an additional $60 a piece. I called and begged my sisters to go and get fitted, only to be told that this week doesn’t work because it is the last week before school starts again and they plan to hang out with friends or camp all week.
MOHs want their hair and makeup done. I am paying for this so I have been trying to find someone affordable. Of course, the only people they like are ridiculously expensive. I finally found one that they agreed on and I was supposed to have a trial this week. Unfortunately this person flaked on me and said she can’t do my wedding anymore. (Pardon me while I hit the panic button). I have been at the end of my rope because in the last two weeks my wedding coordinator was fired from the venue, my DJ’s wife had a baby and he is moving across the country, my photographer told me that she won’t look at my timeline to see if it is realistic for photography needs and she plans to “make it up” as she goes, and my florist won’t give me a quote for all new decor needs because they ripped down the church where I was getting married (even though I met with him a month ago). The last two weeks have been awful and so my hair and makeup person canceling was just the straw that broke the camel’s back. I called my mom to see what she thought I should do. Maid/Matron of Honor #2 was there on speaker phone during my meltdown and said that she met a makeup person who she plans to use for her senior portraits this year. I asked her for the name, but apparently it was written down on a paper in her room and she didn’t feel like walking up the stairs to get it. She didn’t FEEL like walking UP THE SINGLE FLIGHT OF STAIRS IN MY HOUSE. I just lost it. I told her that I have not asked ANYTHING of them as my MOHs, and that their #1 job is to SUPPORT me during this process.
I just don’t know if I am being a bridezilla, and I honestly want to know your opinion. Am I turning into the tulle faced monster from the lagoon? I feel like I have tried to be the ever gracious, giving, “whatever you want” bride, but I just feel so beat down. And I keep asking myself “Am I enabling them by buying/purchasing all of it for them?”, but I am doing this for my other bridemaids. And even if I didn’t pay for it, I can 100% promise that my mom will pay for them, so its either the money comes from me or her, and I would rather it be me. Sit down, logical conversations have not helped in the months past when I have told them what my needs are and asked for their support. What should I do now?