(Closed) Disastrous Engagement Experience

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
8888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

First off, welcome! 🙂

I think (and I mean this in a nice way) you need to calm down a bit.  Your FI sounds like a trustworthy man, I don’t see anything here for you to doubt him. 

If he doesn’t like strip clubs, that’s a good thing, just trust him. It’s HIS bachelor party, he doesn’t have to go anywhere he doesn’t want to go. If he changes his mind and wants to go, you’ll have to sit down and talk about that.

His friend sounds like he’s a trouble maker, just stirring the pot. The more you let him get to you, the worse off you’ll be.  I have to assume your FI knows that his friend is being a d*ck, maybe he can tell him to lay off?

Post # 4
Member
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Im curious what your FI is saying to all this? Mine would be PISSED that someone was directly being that disrespectful to me. That email is not OK nor is showing him porn right in front of you. Where’s your man in all this?

That being said, you have every reason to trust that he will be faithful. For me, this issue is where this “friend” gets off treating you so poorly.

Post # 5
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hi,  I would agree with the PP, and just let your fiance handle the situation.  Its his friend, and how he handles the situation will show his true colors.  You don’t want to start a marriage by having to stand up for the both of you to defend your standarts/morals/vaues, do you?  It should be a team effort, and so you should tell your FI what you find to be reasonable, and then let him handle it.  If he disregards your wishes (if they are reasonable) then you may want to ponder if he is read to be your husband (not saying he’s not—but wouldnt you rather have him prove it than having to worry yourself sick not knowing??!).  Good luck!  Keep strong.

Post # 6
Member
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Lyndzo:  +1.

His friend is a jerk, but your FI seems like a really nice guy! Calm down and just let the subject drop: you have enough things to worry about with your wedding just around the corner! If you lay off and his stupid friend keeps pushing the issue then everyone will see that HE is the jerk, NOT YOU.

Post # 7
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Your fiance’s friend doesn’t respect you one bit. Your fiance needs to tell him to BACK OFF IMMEDIATELY and to stop disrespecting you. By disrespecting you, he is disrespecting your fiance and your relationship. A true friend would not do that.

 

He is also disrespecting your fiance’s wishes by trying to force the strip club issue. The only real way to deal with this is for your fiance to step up to the plate and tell him to stop or the friendship is over.

 

On a side note: It does sound like you can trust your fiance not to do something that will hurt your relationship.

Post # 8
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think it is your fiances place to tell this guy to BACK THE HELL OFF or get the hell out of your lives. He sounds pushy and immature. If he doesn’t chill out, he needs to go. If your fiance doesn’t stand up for himself AND for you and allows himself to be pushed around by a “friend,” HE needs to go.  I hope that’s not the case, though!

Post # 10
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@rachelamanda:  I agree your feelings are being disrespected.  That guy is a complete jerk.  Let your FI handle him and try not to worry too much.  He doesn’t sound like much of a friend.

Post # 11
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I agree that your fiance’s friends are kind of being jerks.

I was in the SAME situation, and I say trust your FI!! I had the same freakout. I told him a strip club was okay, but asked if he would not get a private lap dance, because it made me uncomfortable. I trusted him, but I didn’t necesarily trust his friends. Ensue crazy images of naked ladies and ruining our relationship.

When his bachelor party rolled around, FI walked into the strip club, pretended to be too drunk to be there, walked out and sat outside in 30 degree weather for an hour while is friends spent $200 a piece on lap dances for themselves. He didn’t want to be there and he wanted to go above and beyond what I expected of him. 

Trust your man, he may just surprise you. 

Post # 12
Member
748 posts
Busy bee

Your FI seems pretty ok, and he doesn’t let his friend control his actions so you’re fine. Relax.

Post # 14
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

I get that this guy sucks at life and must be such a loser if his existence centers around upsetting you…my advice is to stop giving him so much ammunition…the first one to loose their cool, loses, and I understand that you can’t control how you feel and this man is certainly pushing all of the right buttons, but you CAN control how and when you react to it…

It’s time to be cool baby, you may hate this man with the fury of a thousand suns, but what’s the good of being a woman if you can’t use your wiles and superior intellect to make this guy think that all of his crap is about as important to you as a hummingbird taking a shit over the Atlantic Ocean…?

Take a step back, take a deep breath and let all that hate simmer under the surface, because THAT is what he wants…don’t give it to him and he’ll find someone else to irritate.

Post # 15
Member
8888 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@rachelamanda:  Ain’t that the truth. Plus you are planning the wedding in a short amount of time, that would add stress.  Let us know if the situation gets better!

Post # 16
Member
9613 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Nona99:   That is fabulous, you’re an amazingly good writer.

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