(Closed) discouraged… (a little long, sorry!)

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I know how you feel. We had a similar situation at our parish and I had been a member there for two years, going to Mass weekly and tithing weekly too. So I obviously did not have commitment problems – one person just had a bad attitude and was rude.

I wound up having my fiance deal with them (even though he was actually a member at a different parish) because I couldn’t handle church people being mean to me. I mean I deal with mean people all the time at work, but just it being a church representative and therefore an “authority figure” made me feel like a horrible person and that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I would analyze my behavior trying to figure out what I did wrong, what did I say wrong to provoke the yelling (literally yelling)? The answer was always Nothing! I just don’t get it.

And I know for a fact I’m not the only one this has happened to at my parish…

I don’t know why churches put anti-social people in these positions.

You have my sympathy 🙁 I wasn’t about to let myself be run out of using my own home parish for my wedding. Would your Fiance be willing to take that part over? I have a theory that jerks like this wouldn’t try half the stuff with a man on the phone, that they would with a woman.

Post # 5
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Is there a different church you could be married in? I wouldn’t stand for that kind of rudeness. I’m sorry you’ve had such an awful experience.

Post # 6
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Don’t let this little biddy get in your way.  Kill her with kindness.


A family member of mine is the accountant for her Catholic church and the people who work there are old hens who a) baby the priests (who love it) and b) couldn’t hack it in the professional world.  There is a strange dynamic in her rectory…the women make the trains run on time, but have no official titles or power…so they hold onto their little pieces of the power pie with white knuckles.

Be patient, kind, but persistent.   Don’t worry.  It’ll work out.


Post # 7
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Hey @mrsmeehan2013: , I am sorry this happened to you, I hope this does not deter you from getting married in the church.

Who knows if this woman (I’m guessing it is a church secretary) is just a crabby person or had a bad day. You are going to deal with the coordinator and the priest, not that lady, so it should not be too much of a problem.

As for apologies from the coordinator, I suppose since it was not the coordinator’s fault and she did not see it happen then perhaps s/he doesn’t want to take sides.

Post # 8
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I am also getting married in a Catholic Church, and honestly, its been the worst “vendor” I’ve had to work with.  Many times I leave messages and never get called back.  The secretaries I leave my messages with are not always the friendliest either.  So…I know how you’re feeling.  I’m not sure if you switched parishes that you would find anything better.

Post # 9
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 I’m getting married in a church and  have talked to several church ladies. My cousin is getting married in a catholic church this summer, and my brother did three years ago. I don’t know what is about these church ladies but they are so rude, my sister in law had a wedding planner who did her florals for her, and the night of the rehearsal she(church lady) told her the wedding planner wasn’t invited inside and had to stand outside! I know the churches aren’t techinally a business, and I think some of these ladies aren’t paid but they are so rude, I don’t know why they are allowed to treat people that way!

Find out if there is someone else you can work with, and if you are stuck with the church lady double check everything she tells you and try to send emails rather then talking on the phone, thats what cousin does now. Good Luck!

Post # 10
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@mrsmeehan2013:  I’m sorry what you are going through.  I was attending daily Mass, had volunteered teaching CCD for 2 years and had previously assisted in the youth ministry program.  The parish priest suffered a stroke a few months before I got engaged and was in a nursing home while different random priests were temporily assigned to the parish.  We had no idea if the diocese was going to combine us with another parish eventually or what.  My husband wanted to get married in his parish, but my argued that because our parish was in a smaller city and we’d been member’s so long, it’d be significantly less expensive.  My Mom also suggested that most of the family wouldn’t attend the wedding if it were in my husband’s city because it was too far away and we just weren’t that close to the family to begin with.  Meanwhile my husband comes from a very small family and had maybe a handful of friends.  My mom basically told me we’d end up spending a large sum for a wedding barely anyone would attend and she was concerned I’d start feeling sorry for myself on my wedding day. 

So my husband and I decided to have it at a parish near my parents’ but not at my parish.  I had no idea you were required to get married in your parish and was treated by the secretary of another parish like I was lying to her.  It was like she was trying to get me to admit that I was such a bad Catholic that my parish priest had refused to marry us or something.   I finally gave in to having the wedding at my parish, but temporary assigned priest barely spoke english and wouldn’t let us set a date for some reason he couldn’t explain.  I then spoke to other priests’ in the area about the problem.  One just congradulated me and told me it’d be no problem and refused to even address that I was having issues with the priest at my parish.  Another priest over the phone confided that I wasn’t under his pastoral authority and thus he was limited in how he could advise me.  I eventually called the diocese and waited for a phone call from them.  Then I spoke again to the priest who pretended I didn’t have an issue and he finally advised I talk to the dean of the deanery.  I had no idea who that was so I finally got that information from him and contacted the dean who was confused about the entire issue and eventually said he’d call the priest at my parish and set him straight.

The entire thing was so stressful, we ended up waiting till I was done teaching CCD for that semester before resuming wedding planning and delayed out wedding date. 

Had I to do it over again, I would have researched how expensive a wedding at my husband’s parish would have been, and not let my Mom feed me with thoughts of “You’re just not important enough to the family” influence me.

Post # 11
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry you had a bad experience!  Maybe from now on you can work with your priest only?

We were married in the Catholic church and the process was a really good experience.  My husband has been a member of the church since he was very young and I recently converted to being Catholic.  When we figured out a date we called and the office reserved the date for us.  From that point on our dealings were with the priest and through our pre-cana experience.  We had an initial meeting with the priest where we gave them our general information and the priest talked to us in general about the ups and downs of marriage.  He also gave us a book to help plan the readings and music for our marriage mass.  The only other time we met with the priest was two weeks before our wedding to let him know our choices for the mass.  Our pre-cana was with five other couples and took place over three Saturdays (8 hour days).  But the experience as a whole was very good, informative, and sparked some good discussions between my husband and I.

I would say hang in there with the church.  You have to understand that in the eyes of the church marriage is a sacriment and just like with first holy communion and confirmation there is preparation to be done.  It is a time commitment to decide to get married in the catholic church considering pre-cana alone.  Looking back I wouldn’t have it any other way though.  Just like with anyone there’s rude people making life difficult.

The topic ‘discouraged… (a little long, sorry!)’ is closed to new replies.

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